COLOR ME GREENBACK

COLOR ME GREENBACK

“Mmm…“It smells like yellow. Mellow yellow.”

“Get your nose out of the bowl, Craig. It’s just a bowl of ramen noodles..”How can it smell like a color? Colors don’t have smells.”

“They do for me, Max. You see that little robin’s egg blue tea cup over there on the next table. Next to the cute little blonde in the pinafore? I can hear it. That blue cup. It sounds like D minor, the chord, D nor.”

“Craig, that's looney tunes. That’s just a coffee cup and this is just a bowl of noodles. And now you’ve spoiled my appetite. How can a bowl of noodles smell like a color and a cup sound like a musical key? Craig , you have your senses mixed up.”

“Not at all, Max. I’m what they call a synesthete. It’s a neurological condition where stimulation of one sensory pathway leads to involuntary experiences in a second, unrelated pathway. Senesthesia.”

“Yeah ? And I’m a smooth criminal. Is being synesthete anything like being a psychopath?

Nah, you’re too nice a guy to be a nutcase, but it does sound crazy.”

“It’s not crazy. I can even hear colors, sometimes. Your voice now, Max, the emotion in it…it feels red, definitely red, flame red.”

“Oh yeah, how about this hot chocolate? “

“It definitely smells brown, dark brown. But more Mocha, not taupe or caramel. There’s a big difference. Between shades. At least to me”

“

“Wow, we are definitely getting into the weeds now. What good is this goofy gift of yours?”

“Well, I tracked down my girlfriend’s dalmatian last year. I held the image of white fur with black spots in my mind and followed the scent of my senses. I could smell and sense black and white getting stronger and stronger and there he was, Butch, in the backyard of a neighbor’s house outside their chicken coop. “

“Ok, pretty good hunting. Maybe you could be the world’s first senesthete private eye!”

“ Let me know if they’re hiring. My rent just went up. How about you – all I know about you, Max, is that you’re a college dropout like me.Between commitments and jobs. Are you really a smooth criminal, Max?”

“You could say that. At least, I will be . Soon. Color me green.”

“Greenback? What kind of smooth crimes do you commit?”

“Don’t laugh. I have something in mind. And you, Craig, are the perfect guy for the job.”

“Great, I could use the cash. It’s embarrassing to be nearly 30 and be nearly broke.””

“Cash, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. Can you smell cold hard cash?”

“Well greenbacks aren’t just green are they? They are also black. But I can smell and sense and hear mixed colors, too. Especially if there’s a lot of them.”

“Oh, Craig pal, there are lots of them all right. So what does being a sensethete pay?”

“You’re kidding. It’s more of an oddball skill, like juggling dinner plates.

You’ve seen my ripped jeans and my 09 Ford Escort out there. My so- called gift isn’t the ticket to living large.”

“How’d you like to change that? How’d you like to find a new 27 Escort at the curb or even a …..”

“Not likely. But I’m listening. You’re the smooth criminal, Max, I’m not.”

“Here’s the thing, Craig. Don’t make me shout in this diner. Move closer. Here’s the story. There’s a stash of greenbacks hidden somewhere around here …and I do mean hidden.”

“Robbery? I’m not up for that, Max. I may just be a lowly bartender slash barista, but…..”

“ It's not stealing exactly . It’s kind of a finders keepers project .”

“ I’m listening. Your voice is sounding really red right now.”

“Here’s the deal. My crazy great aunt Aggie –You must have read about her in the local papers last year? The little old lady who had her two poodles cloned before they died of old age? That’s not the real crazy part. Aunt Aggie buried or hid the family fortune somewhere in that big drafty family estate that my brother Luc and I are sharing now. Luc doesn’t even know about the money.I was Aggie’s favorite and she told me about the stash shortly before she passed with those two cloned poodles at her side. But she passed before she told me exactly where it was. And there was no will.”

“How much is the stash?”

“Oh man, It’s gotta be thousands and thousands and all in cash. Good old US currency. Greenbacks. She didn’t trust banks. Or investment bankers or lawyers.”

“And how did she come by all this wealth?”

“Let’s just say In less than legal ways. Her husband, my uncle Fergie, was a very crooked accountant. A professional smooth criminal, you might say. . He left the country before he was ready to retire with the feds on his tail. But apparently he was afraid to take the cash, too so he left her holding the bag as it were. And she was afraid to touch it so she hid it. And he never came back. That was a year ago.Unless the mice got at it, it’s still there. Somewhere,

With your sensethete nose, you could probably track it down in no time.”

“What’s in it for me?”

“30% of the haul? Sounds good?”

“I’m thinking. My gift doesn’t work in every circumstance or setting , Max. I’d have to spend some time in the house. Here’s the thing. Every color gives off a slightly different vibe. And weather can be a factor as well. More importantly, can you get rid of Luc? I’d have to have the house to myself for a few days.”

“He’s headed to the Cape for a week starting Sunday. How about that for timing? He rarely goes farther than the local pub on a weekend. “

“Just what your favorite soothing criminal- to -be needs.”

“But Max, you’ll have to give me free range of the house for a few days. Rule #1Don’t come by, Rule #2 :don’t cook food or play music or anything that will distract my senses.”

“Craig, whatever you need. I’m going to give you the keys that I have. I could never find the keys to the gazebo out in the back or the fruit cellar. If I tried to break in , Luc would get suspicious because he thinks the old lady died broke”

One Day Later ……

“Here are the keys, Craig. How’s it smelling ? Good luck!”

“The weather is on our side, Max. Give me a day or two to psyche the place out with my senses and I’ll be in touch. But keep your distance or it might jinx the search.”

“Got it! You’re the man.”

Four days later……

“Craig said four days should do it.Even though I haven’t heard a word,and he said calling him would mess with his progress. I guess he must be making some progress, It should be safe to

See how he’s doing.”

“Craig, Craig, It’s Max. wherever you are. Did we hit the jackpot?Where are you? Let's not play hide and seek. He’s not in this stupid fruit cellar. I wonder how he got the door open. How about the gazebo. Damn, it is dusty and smelly here.

Well, Craig figured out how to get in. Looks like he or somebody has been doing some digging. Hmmm:

“Wait, what is this message on the wall?

“They were green, those greenbacks, Max. Just like you said. And there were lots of them. Enough to pay for a transatlantic flight and a nice little house on a far flung island. Luc was thinking of an island in the sun, but I’m pushing for an apartment in London. London smells more blue and an island is definitely canary yellow, but they both sound pretty

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