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Dear Flopsy,

I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I was young, immature, and irresponsible and I’m sorry. I said I would clean the stuff under the cage every week and my mom did all that because I was young and stupid. I was a brat. You spent most of your life in a cage except for hop night where you hopped around the basement. I think you enjoyed that. I wouldn’t know. But you weren’t an affectionate rabbit. I wanted a white rabbit with pink eyes and that was you. I should apologize to Mom too or maybe it’s that you should thank her or maybe I need to apologize to Mom, too. But I’m starting with the easy amends. Dead pets are the easiest to make amends to. Wouldn’t be hard if they were alive either. What would your say? Not much and any of you would forgive me if I gave you a treat. How do I give a dead rabbit a carrot? I suppose I could plant a carrot batch near your grave but I’m not sure where your grave is. A friend of my parents took him and I didn’t know why. Because you were sick. But anyway, I’m not blaming you for not being affectionate or licking me or anything. I said I would take care of you and I didn’t and I’m sorry. Unless I talk to a medium who talks to pets, but maybe you don’t remember me. Maybe you just remember my mom. Maybe I’m like the person at the grocery store who I don’t love or hate. I just don’t notice them. Anyway, I’m sorry. “If I could turn back time,” I would. So, I’m sorry, I miss you and I love you even if you don’t love or remember me.

Love,

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Dear Hommy,

I know you remember me and I’m sorry. There’s a lot to be sorry for. Let’s start at the beginning. 1994. You were born in that year, I think. My mom has the paperwork. The thing that says you’re a pure bred chihuahua. You were a big chihuahua, light brown. Let’s go back to where my mom starts for the guilt trip for both of us. I had a traumatic… right? You already know. No shit I did and the rehab hospital in Erie, PA had a resocializing outing and we went to a mall. Where better to socialize than a mall? Rhetorical question. But, after eating at the food court we went to a pet store and that’s when we met. Do you remember that? No, you were too young, but Mom reminded you all the time. Imagine where you’d be if we hadn’t adopted you. No one else wanted you but my silly son. But I loved you. You were quiet. The only dogs my mom knew that were quiet were sick or hated people, but I wanted you to you crazy son-of-a-bitch. But we left you there, but I kept talking about you and my parents asked me what color you were and I said you were white and my dad says see i didn’t remember him, but a few weeks later a friend of my parents came to visit and we saw a movie at the mall and my mom said, “Just for kicks, let’s see if he remembers the dog,” and I did. I remembered you I dint know if you remembered me. I don’t know if you remembered me then, but you would. They, my parents, bought you for me but we had no where to put your til I was discharged from the hospital.

But my mom rented a sublet. Think it was a sublet. A temporary place to stay while I was in the rehab center and she didn’t want the dog to be at the pet store and not know what was happening and then one night it happened. This dog had never made any noise and my mom didn’t want this dog to become attached to her since she wanted it to be my dog I wanted him to be my dog too they eventually became their dog, but that’s a different story so she put him in the kitchen and made a barrier with groceries. They both needed to eat. That way you would sleep alone. It wouldn’t get attached to my mom, but then one night my mom was sleeping in bed and she heard wiggle wiggle wiggle, wiggle, wiggle wiggle. And she got up to see what was going on. This dog hit, wiggled its way out of the kitchen and tried to get near her so she put up another barrier but again he was able to escape and try to get to her and she put up a stronger barrier and then suddenly he realized that he could bark they didn’t get kicked out of that sublet, but that night they almost did.

Or whether you both almost did, but later, I got to go back home, which is what I wanted, and you came with me and I was happy, but I was also lonely and I felt like there was an emptiness in my heart so I squeeze you against my chest so that you could feel the emptiness in my heart with your love. You were just a little Chihuahua hello squeeze your heart because I wanted to show you I loved you, but I don’t think that you got that I loved you. You just got that you couldn’t breathe. I’m sorry. Nothing serious happened. You just kept squiggling out to try to curl up in a ball which is how dogs sleep but again I’m sorry I did a lot of other things too, you didn’t like

Remember that time with the invisible fence collar? You kept growling and attacking my mom and she yell at you and punish you until one time my sisters suggested putting you in a large tub. We took the invisible fence color off and realized that the invisible fence hadn’t grown with you and the two metal things were digging into your neck and that’s why you were grumpy. I’m sorry we didn’t realize that there are a lot of other things I could apologize to you for, but there are too many dimension. I love you. I miss you and I’m crying right now. Please forgive me and I’m OK that you love my parents more than me. Please forgive me.

Love

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