We Don’t Have Time For This… But…

Dishes Oh dishes they make me sick. One after the other they pile up high. I can’t even sit around and wonder why. Because I just made food for the gremlins that appear. I’m telling you they come out of nowhere. From here to there it never fails. As soon as I sit down, I say it never fails, I am making more and then there it goes that crash, that splash of more and more dishes!

Laundry Oh laundry, you never end but what bothers me most is how long you take to even begin. I’m so over the eating of the socks. Why when you are dirty you weigh a ton of rocks. The dirt here the dirt there. Why can’t you have a protective bubble deflecting the messes from everywhere. The gremlins take turns playing quick change artists. No sooner are they turning them into cloth streamers while yelling whose can stretch the farthest. From dirty to clean and back again. The pile shifts from scrunched to folded.

Cleaning Oh cleaning what’s with you. Nag, nag, nag as if you have nothing better to do. Bucket, mop, and broom. Gloves, sponge and spray. Rearrange the dirt in every room. It has to go because it can’t stay. Mmmm, I dare say, when I throw it out how in the world is it coming back this way. The dirt the dust accumulates as if it always lived here. Cabinets, floors, and even … the ceiling. Come on, I can’t even reach there. Oh!

Shopping Oh shopping you aren’t so bad, but I’m so over you like pop quizzes and Mondays. I could swear I saw you yesterday. Such a simple task that gives you the best high and the worst crash at the same time. But let’s be wise and don’t overspend. Those darn cookies was our end. Cause you need milk to go with it too. Of course, ice cream must be added. But then we’ll want a snack before and then maybe one … after. But that’s way too much and we all know I know it. But then it’s too late cause it’s all in the trunk. I felt bad, but then when I wanted to scream the sigh of relief and delight quickly evaporated that funk.

Work Oh work you suffocate me so. The days off feel like I blinked. I clock in and the load takes me to the brink. Why does the clock always feel like its stuck in that same spot all day. I know it began but will it ever end. This concept of working for the things you need. The things that should be free. With all this land, pop a squat and share. With all this water, why pay to put it in bottles? With all this air … wait …what is Wi-Fi anyway? How does it connect like how do I have to pay for a signal that is already there?

I just want to relax, watch this, eat that, not do any duties and have all the money I want. I mean that’s the only way to live, right? But then I noticed how when you can always pay for it, you never learn to do it and the way this world is looking at the moment, you mind as well do it yourself. But then I get tired because who in the world has time to make absolutely everything from scratch to give your family the best life.

I want to help my family and friends. For the kids to always have food and new shoes. To always be able to satisfy my spouse in every way. Because of course we have to be like Jay z and Beyonce. But no… not really. But yes, really in our own way. With our talents and our things. Cause it has to make sense. Who is dancing in heels on stage? But anyways I want to explore and travel… realistically it can be done. But these gremlins, oh the gremlins how they complicate simple tasks. I want us all to have adventures. But let’s face it, all that effort makes me want to run to relax.

“We don’t have time for this!” Other’s opinions that analyze your ideas and actions into their restrictive and judgmental thinking. Other’s emotions that dramatize things that are so simple its easy. Other’s energy that seems to do nothing but drain me every time they come around. Stressing about how to box myself in for the sake of their comfort. I don’t have time for those thoughts to give you free rent in my head. Other’s expectations that have me doing things I never thought I would ever do. How in the world am I now trying to please you and bend over to your every whim. Who died and made you king of everything? Setting standards and rules that are only law for everyone around you. Other’s understanding has nothing to do with me. The young me would think what I learned everyone else understood. But as that saying goes, sense isn’t so common these days. Why should I limit myself by what you understand though? Let alone how fast or efficient you are able to do so. Don’t blink at me, this is all making sense and you know where I’m going with this.

“We Don’t Have Time for This!” People will be people and all I can control is me. The food that makes me sluggish I can choose not to eat.. well at least for every meal. The extra body weight that makes its hard to get around... weeelll, until I like the way the cake sits and the girls bounce. We Don’t Have Time For This! Trying to save everyone around me. Uninterested in making everybody’s problems mine. Until that problem is mine and I need the very help I thought I should refuse to give in order to protect my health and mental. Why should the children miss out on valuable lessons because of my inability to regulate my emotions, thoughts, and impulses. If I told a six-year-old she can use her words… I should be able to do that too, right? Until the traumatic six-year-old me flickers within from time to time. But does that mean I lose my …grip and keep dealing with the consequences of me losing my … grip every time. Am I too busy worried about myself and how I would be fulfilled than how I could show up for my spouse the same way I am expecting them to show up for me. Listen to me. Hear me. See me. Understand me. Love me.

I do not have time for this… missing the invisible because I am to blind to see with my ears and hear with my eyes. Missing revelations chasing comforts that doesn’t love me back anyway. Missing blessings being caught up in my own world thinking I am in control of everything and getting upset when I can’t do what I always knew I couldn’t do in the first place. Control how people take things. Say things. Hear things. Do things. I have definitely lost my mind. Something that could’ve blossomed and been beneficial for all parties had I not put my foot in my mouth. Overstepped because I allowed myself to react instead of respond. Missing the opportunity to make a difference to others in inspiration without wanting anything in return. Something back. Credit. Acknowledgement. Even a response. Missing the opportunity to make a transformative impression as the “first” “Jesus” that people meet.

We don’t have time for this!...

Toxicity. Drama. Disfunction. Things that don’t aid walking in Kingdom right here on earth.

Signed,

Annalise Cunningham