Alone

She walked out of her bedroom. She heard, and smelled, the steady drip of her coffee pot. There was a random chirp of the neighborhood birds. She turned the tv on, but it was just a blank screen. There must have been some weather last night to knock out the internet. She would worry about that later. 

After a quick shower and a toaster oven breakfast, she stepped outside to head to the office. 

The gated complex she lived in was usually bustling in the mornings. Kids going to school, parents heading to work. But this morning there was no one, not a single person to be seen. As she drove out of the gate, she noticed there were no other cars on the road. 

Clara jolted awake. Her biggest fear in this whole world was being alone. Not just in the “I don't have a significant other” sense but the "there is not another soul on the planet” sense. She had watched a B-rate movie with her brother eons ago about a comet creating a zombie apocalypse and ever since she had been afraid of being completely alone. Ridiculous, but still.

***

Clara made it to the office on time despite the rough start to the morning. The office was actually more like a lab. 

It wasn't an actual lab in the practical sense of the word. It was a research and development lab for a tech company. Their parent corporation was actually in the video game business. Their department worked on tech for behavioral sleep disorders. They were currently making progress on an implant that allowed an outside user (a doctor or shrink) to enter the dreams of the people with the implant. It was supposed to help with nightmares, sleep paralysis, night terrors and the like. 

Joshua sat opposite of her at their desk in “the lab”. “You look exhausted this morning! Did you sleep ok?”. He was always so sweet to her. Some days she enjoyed it, other days, like today - she did not. Clara answered with a snippy, ”Im Fine” and turned around in her chair. 

Clara knew that Joshua was just trying to be nice. She didn't mean to snap at him but that nightmare brought her greatest fear to life once again. You would think that a person who was afraid of being alone would be a little nicer to people who wanted to be around her. 

About an hour later, she sent Joshua an inter-office chat message. She apologized for being short with him and offered to buy lunch in the cafeteria later. Joshua happily agreed. 

***

Joshua drove home completely euphoric. He had been crushing on Clara since the day she walked into their cubicle. 

They had always been cordial and had even eaten together at their desks in the lab a few times. Today was different, they sat together in the cafeteria and actually talked about things not related to their daily tasks. During their lunch, she told him of the nightmare and confessed that she had never told anyone about that fear. 

He hated to admit it but he thought that her nightmare sounded more like paradise to him. He had never been a social guy, the geek of the group if you will. He had a few friends but their idea of hanging out required computer screens and an internet connection.  

He knew enough about her to avoid making light of her nightmare. He did tell her that it sounded ideal for him. He promised to stick around after the apocalypse so she wouldn't be alone. She snickered, not in a way that made him feel uncomfortable, but in a way that sounded like she hoped they never had to find out.

***

Clara was standing in the middle of the street. There was not a single car on the road, not a soul to be seen. She ran towards the intersection. Looking left and right - still no one. She looked out at the sky, it was turning red. Clara started to scream.

Clara woke herself up screaming. It was that damn dream again. She had lived alone since her family had died in a house fire - why was she so afraid of being alone?! Why had these nightmares started again?!

***

Joshua looked at her with concern when she walked into their lab. She shook her head in a way that said don't ask. They had never socialized out of the office but Joshua thought he KNEW Clara fairly well. Well enough not to ask any questions. 

He wanted to talk to her but he thought better of it. Instead he tried to think of other ways to help her through these nightmares. He asked her to lunch again. Much to his surprise, Clara agreed. 

Joshua was hoping to get her to open up, even a little bit, over lunch. Today was very different from yesterday. She was quiet, not forthcoming. He tried to ask questions but she was unwilling to answer. He was determined not to give up. 

***

Clara stood outside of a movie theater. The sky was a pale shade of pink, turning more and more red as the day (or was it night) progressed. There were cars parked along the street but they were empty. There wasn't anyone manning the ticket booth. She walked into the theater. No one stopped her. She opened the door to the screen that was supposed to be showing Ghostbusters. There was a person! She saw a head. When he heard the door, he ducked. She couldn't see him but he felt familiar. Clara could hear him trying to sneak off. “WAIT” she screamed. She heard the door behind her slam. 

Clara woke again, covered in sweat, afraid. This was getting ridiculous. It was a stupid fear that would never come to life. 

***

The moment Clara entered the office, she felt a sense of deja vu but not. She thought, that doesn't make sense… But…

Clara looked at Joshua - this time she was the one concerned. Somehow she managed to maintain her composure. Clara managed to get through the morning. She even asked Joshua to lunch - outside of the office. He all but jumped at the invitation. 

They walked together to a small deli around the corner. She waited until they had their sandwiches and Joshua had taken his first bite to mention the difference in last night's nightmare. He almost choked on his pastrami. 

Clara accused him of being in her nightmare. Joshua reacted with feigned disbelief. “Clara, please, please tell me what you think you saw. Please tell me what happened. If you think I was there, you are imagining things. Maybe you are just linking our work connection as a way of grounding yourself to the real world. Maybe, I am your link out of the nightmare.” Clara wasn't sure what to think. She had no reason to believe Joshua was out to get her, they had been nothing but friendly to one another for the last year. She broke down in tears. 

***

When Clara left for the day, Joshua sighed a breath of relief. There was no way she could have known it was him in her dream. She had no recollection of the implant a year ago. The all-knowing THEY had been testing her for almost nine months. He had logged into the software as an anonymous user. Clara could not have known it was him. 

It was a good sign though. Human trials had not been approved, but last year THEY decided they were ready for it regardless of government approval. THEY had been monitoring a number of psychiatrists in the area for the perfect patient/employee. Someone who was also susceptible to hypnotherapy. 

Clara was the perfect subject. She already worked in a similar field, had some medical knowledge and most importantly had done hypnotherapy with a psychologist. If THEY could get her to go under, implant her without her knowledge, Clara would be the perfect test subject. 

***

Clara sat alone on the hood of an abandoned car. She was petrified and didn't know what to do. She sat there sobbing, when she heard footsteps. She looked up and saw Joshuas’ face. Clara was taken aback. What was Joshua doing here? Wasn't she just with him this afternoon? No - that couldn't be right. 

“Clara, don't be afraid. You know who I am. I am not here to hurt you or betray you in any way but we need to talk.”

Clara was more than afraid - She was petrified. She had always thought her worst fear was being alone, turns out betrayed is worse than alone! “What are YOU doing here Joshua?" she yelled, “please don't come any closer”.

Clara woke up before she got an answer from him. She was definitely not going to work today. 

***

When Joshua got the memo that Clara was not coming into the office, he knew he messed up. He should not have broken protocol and made contact while she was sleeping. He should have waited and talked to her out of the office. But…

 ***

Clara wondered if she could switch departments without having to explain why. She wondered how many sick days she had available before she needed to actually see a doctor. Maybe she should just talk to Joshua. No, she couldn't tell him that she was dreaming about him. She knew he had a crush on her and so far there had been no blatant advances on his crush. If she told him about this, what would he think? Where would he try to take their relationship?

***

Clara took the rest of the week off, finally going back into the office Monday morning. Joshua met her at the door. He asked her to PLEASE go to the cafe with him to go over some notes. He kept looking up at the ceiling. He had a folder in his hands. There was a look of urgency on his face. Clara agreed. 

***

They sat staring at their coffees for what felt like forever. Joshua slid the folder across the small table. Clara hesitantly opened it and looked at a picture of herself. The first page was all her anthropometric data (you know, age, height, weight, biometrics, demographics, etc). It was dated a little over a year ago. The next couple of pages were reports from her psychologist, also dated a little over a year ago. Clara slammed the folder shut. She looked at Joshua accusingly again. She looked hurt by his betrayal. He tried to explain but she got up and left. 

***

Clara stood at the intersection with the Chinese Theater behind her. Joshua walked up and stood next to her. “I would never hurt you. I was only trying to help”. Clara reached for his hand. 

Together they crossed the road.