There Should Be an Off Button

It’s 3:00 in the morning. Why can’t I sleep?

I’ve been lying here for over five hours, and it seems like my brain is just getting started.

Did I pay the rent this month? Of course I did. Otherwise, my landlord would’ve told me, right? Yes, yes, I did.

Oh shit, I think I forgot to close the garage door.

No, no, I did close it. That’s right. I remember now.

I wonder if Elisa will be back to work tomorrow. She’s been out for a week. I should call her and see how she’s doing. I wonder if it was COVID again. That would make it three times this year.

I wonder if people just use that as an excuse, or if they really have it because they know management doesn’t want them coming in if they do.

I should make some chamomile and valerian root tea…

No. Then I’ll have to pee every ten minutes.

I should’ve bought some sleeping gummies. But then what if they do a surprise drug test? Can they even do that?

I could take some melatonin, but that makes me feel like a zombie in the morning.

Shittttt. Why can’t I sleep?

Wait… what’s that noise?

It sounds like a buzzing, going in and out.

Oh no. There’s a giant fly buzzing around my head.

I’m going to kill it.

Hmph. He’s flown out of the room. Lucky for him.

I wonder what happens when we die. Is it the same thing that happens when a fly dies?

What is wrong with me? Why can’t I sleep?

There should be an off button for our brains.

I hope I can pull the money together to go to Spain with Bret this winter. He said my share would be about $5,000 for the two weeks we’ll be traveling around—for flights and accommodations.

As long as I don’t get sick.

If Elisa has COVID, I hope she doesn’t come back until it’s completely gone. That’s all I need—to get sick right before my trip.

Stop thinking!

Okay. I’m going to focus on my breathing.

Breathe in deeply. Exhale slowly.

Breathe in deeply. Exhale slowly.

Breathe in…

Shit.

That bloody fly is back!

Where did I leave my magazine?

I’m going to roll it up and kill you right now!

Where are you?

Yeah, you better stay away. This is your last warning.

Okay… back to breathing.

In… out.

In… out.

I wonder if I should buy a new suitcase. The last one was too big, and I ended up paying those ridiculous overweight-baggage fees. Tan would be nice…

No. Tan would show every speck of dirt.

Navy blue. Or black.

God, my neck is killing me. I really need to get one of those neck pillows I saw advertised. I wonder how much they cost.

Everything costs too much.

I wish I didn’t have to worry about money all the time. Sarah doesn’t. Whenever she needs something, she just gets it. And she’s as poor as I am.

I’m going to be exhausted at work tomorrow. And then my supervisor will give me shit again about not keeping up.

You never hear her say anything when I’m doing a good job.

What a bitch.

I really don’t like her.

Well… she’s had her moments. Sometimes she’s actually all right.

But most of the time, she’s nitpicking.

Okay.

Enough.

I’m just going to lie here and think about nothing.

A completely blank slate.

No thoughts.

No worrying.

Nothing.

Eventually, sleep will come.

It has to.

I mean, this can’t go on forever, right?

Maybe I should read.

Wait.

What was that?

I'm holding my breath.

Silence.

I listen.

There.

A faint sound.

Breathing.

Someone is breathing.

I lie perfectly still.

Maybe it’s me.

No.

It isn’t.

The sound comes again.

Slow.

Deep.

Close.

Then I hear something else.

Footsteps.

One.

Then another.

They stop.

My heart begins pounding.

I stare into the darkness.

“Who is there?”

Nothing.

Then, slowly, a shadow appears in the doorway.

A man.

He is tall and unnaturally still, with black hair and dark eyes that seem almost invisible in the darkness. He is wearing a long black cloak that reaches the floor.

I can’t move.

I can’t even breathe.

“Who are you?”

He smiles.

Not a friendly smile.

A knowing smile.

As though he has been watching me for a very long time.

He reaches slowly into his pocket.

I want to scream, but my voice won’t come.

He pulls out a small object and holds it between his fingers.

Then he walks toward me.

One step.

Two.

He stops beside my bed.

Without saying a word, he opens his hand and sprinkles something across my blankets.

Tiny particles fall through the air.

They shimmer briefly in the darkness.

Then they vanish.

I blink.

The man is gone.

Just… gone.

I sit up in bed.

My heart is racing.

I look toward the doorway.

Empty.

I look at my bed.

There is nothing there.

Nothing.

I rub my eyes.

Am I hallucinating?

Maybe I’m dreaming.

Maybe my eyes are still closed.

I pinch myself.

Pain.

I’m awake.

At least I think I am.

I look toward the doorway again.

For a moment, I see nothing.

Then I hear it.

Breathing.

Right behind my pillow.

Slow.

Deep.

Patient.

I turn my head.

Nothing.

Maybe I’m sleeping.

Maybe this isn’t my bedroom.

Maybe I’m somewhere else.

Somewhere between sleeping and waking.

Somewhere I’ve never been before.

Maybe I’m in a different dimension.

And maybe…

I never really woke up at all and I’ve been dreaming all a long.

My brain starts rambling again.

Who was that man?

And what did he sprinkle on my bed?

Could he have been the Sandman?

No…

Could he have been the fly?

Why would I think that?

I’m yawning now.

The heaviness of sleep is beginning to settle over me. My thoughts are slowing, one by one, like lights going out in a hallway.

Soon…

Soon, I’ll be drifting.

The chatter will stop.

The questions will disappear.

The darkness will take over, and I won’t have to think anymore.

Morning will come.

The sun will rise.

A new day will begin.

I close my eyes.

And just before sleep takes me, one last thought slips through my mind.

I wonder what he sprinkled on my bed.

Then everything goes quiet.