Menu

Menu

Prompts

Contests

Stories

Blog

Directory

Contests

Magazine

FAQ

W B

Author on Reedsy Prompts since Oct, 2024

Stories (9)

Comments

Library

42 Followers

41 Following

9 Stories

395 karma pts

?

The Protracted, Peculiar, and Probably Quite Pointless Trial of Bertie Masturbine

W B

Winner of Contest #329 🏆

Rather than enjoying the miracle of life, humankind has generally chosen the opposite – they have tried to understand it. More specifically, since the first caveman scribbled on the walls of his home, humankind has questioned what comes afterwards. Broadly, there are three schools of thought. Some think there’s nothing. Logical, if a bit dull. Some ‘don’t believe in, like, heaven and hell and all that stuff but feel, y’know, like there must be something out there, like, death can’t be the end, right?’ This is the most insufferable school of ...

97 likes

The Little Gest of Robin Hood

W B

Submitted to Contest #320

“Another great day chaps! These linens should fetch a fair few shillings and the salt fish should keep us going for the next week.” Little John smiled merrily in his saddle as he fletched a bundle of sticks to add to the endless pile of arrows bulging in his quiver. Ever the multitasker, he was eyeing up the wagon besides him. It seemed to creek with the weight of the fabrics they’d liberated from the merchants on the King’s Road. Based on some crude calculations, the profits would keep the poorhouse going for at least a month – perhaps ther...

10 likes

The Night The Clocks Went Forward

W B

Submitted to Contest #301

“The target will emerge at exactly 1am. Since the last attempt on his life, Muskelliovic has upgraded his security tenfold. They will scan the rooves 10 minutes before he emerges, and then again 1 minute before. Once the final scan is complete, we will have approximately 30 seconds to assemble the Remington M20 and position ourselves in the CCTV blind spot before he emerges. When he does, he will be surrounded by security but there will be a moment as he’s entering the car when there will be a clear shot on the target’s head. I will take the...

16 likes

The High Priestess of Doomreeper Motte

W B

Submitted to Contest #294

Day 28 To His Royal Majesty King Arthur of Albion, Your Majesty, I, Sir Harold Harefoot, am pleased to inform you that I have successfully defeated the pagan rebels. Yesterday morning, I stormed Doomreeper Motte and drove the rebels out into the Marshes of Olde Murcia. When Lord Percy finally arrives with reinforcements, I will pursue them myself. You have my word as a knight that, soon, The Umberlands will be restored to your Kingdom. No doubt, chroniclers will tell of my duel with Scar McCallion and my single-handed victory over the Wulfsb...

7 likes

MozonCorp 3

W B

Submitted to Contest #289

I always knew I was destined for great things. My parents were both born on Level 2 but ascended to Level 5. Whilst it was still menial labour, their skillset was better suited to the more complex products. However, with elevation came complacency. Upon moving into their new, more spacious sleeper pods; with meat privileges and an increased wine allowance, their productivity flagged.When I rose to level 90, my first act was to remove any alcohol from Levels 1-10. But I’m getting ahead of myself. At school, I exceled. I worked out that m...

11 likes

The Greatest Of All Great Men

W B

Submitted to Contest #285

He clasped the lever and dragged it down. A cacophonous burst of energy and the machine exploded into life. Metallic fibres hummed with possibility as Charles Rothstein climbed into the capsule and unfurled his scribbled notes: ‘ED-B: +56%, HVRT: +44%, SPU: +43%, EVT: +40%, GU: +35%’  Of course, travelling back 25 days to invest in profitable shares wasn’t the most creative use of time travel, but he had to test the contraption somehow. Besides, boosting his net worth by a cool $178bn wouldn’t hurt. The divorce had been crippling but on...

6 likes

Yes, Prime Minister

W B

Submitted to Contest #283

“So, I assume Christmas is cancelled?” “Afraid so mate.” “I’ll text Rachel, the kids might as well open the presents without me.” Liam sighed. Craig had been his deputy for two years and already the cracks were beginning to show. Crow’s feet and grey hairs had come early to the young man opposite him and the guilty look in his eye suggested another early morning row with his wife. Liam recognised the look. He’d seen it in the mirror almost every week during his first year working in No. 10 Downing Street. Of course, Liam was now divorced. “T...

5 likes

The Last Dragon

W B

Submitted to Contest #274

“Forgive me sire, I have failed. I could not do it.” The king didn’t meet Sir Barnabus’ eyes as he left his throne and swaggered to the edge of the dais. Truthfully, he hadn’t expected any success, but it still irked him. The knights of Albion had a reputation to uphold. This was the fourth he’d sent on this quest and the fourth who had returned emptyhanded. Albion’s unruly nobility was becoming restless, and this was starting to become an embarrassment.  By any measure, it had been a successful reign. He’d reduced inflation of the gold...

10 likes

Saving Mr Scruffy

W B

Submitted to Contest #273

The problem with being good at your job is that others notice. I should have had the foresight to fumble a few easy cases during my training and spend the rest of my career coasting, but no. You see, in my line of work, there are the easy cases, the hard cases and the downright impossible cases. Naturally, after excelling at my job for years, the chap upstairs has rewarded me with successive examples of the latter, and you were the hardest yet.After receiving the alert, your parents dragged you from your bed. You weren’t happy but then again...

13 likes