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Weekly Contest #32
People don’t make eye contact with me anymore. Most either look away or put on sunglasses so their staring goes ‘unnoticed’ and people won’t think they’re weird. Though, I doubt anyone in this store would consider them weird when they’ve got me to compare to.As I glide into check out, the cashier fixes their gaze on the pink feather boa I’m buying and already wearing to avoid eye contact. I take off the boa to pay and pretend I don’t notice them judging me.“That’ll be 3.99, sir,” the cashier tells me.I slip her a five.“Do you want a bag,” sh...
Weekly Contest #31
In my local newspaper, a couple of math geeks pooled together to buy an ad spot every Sunday. Once a week, I crack open that newspaper to see their ‘Einstein’ riddle—you know, the type of riddle where you have five people and all these requirements to figure out who everyone is? Those riddles. Anyway, the first time I saw their riddle, I cracked it in like five minutes. Not because I’m *pushes up glasses* super smart or anything—but because I live that riddle every evening. I have five children. Chad, Chelsey, Charlie, Chace, and Chelle. Con...
Weekly Contest #30
The second coffee grew cold as my sighs grew old. It rested on my kitchen counter, mocking me, right next to the trash can. I should just knock it over and let the whole thing be gone. The five bucks I spent on it were already gone, so there’s nothing to lose. But I didn’t. Originally, I wasn’t even planning on buying a second coffee. But when the barista said, “your usual one coffee just for yourself,” with a sneer smile--he didn’t actually have one of those--as I held up the line of people ready to spend twenty pus dollars on beverages for...
“Every thread costs a dollar,” I whispered to myself as I smoothed out my long wedding dress that reached past my ankles. “So, Georgie, if you run past me with those scissors again, or if god forbid you accidentally snag my dress--”Dad grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me aside. “Alright, Deliha, I think that’s enough,” he coaxed. “You’re stressed, I get it. Your mother was stressed at our wedding too.” His eyes softened at the mention of my mother. I felt the same sinking pit in my stomach he was feeling. You see, my mother passed away...
A young sailor once told me the sea was his therapy. The waves rock me to sleep like a baby, he said. It’s so peaceful at night, he said. I go out every weekend, he said. Except last weekend, you liar. Because the sea swallowed you up the Saturday prior. The sea never soothes you like therapy does, but it does coax you into its embrace so it can drag you down to its depths and use your body to feed its creations. It’s alluring. Addictive. Like a drug. An organic hallucinogen. You see many things on the seas that you can never quite explain. ...
Weekly Contest #29
I have never hated sand more in my life than I do now. It’s squashing in between my toes like a rotten tamale. The tiny individual pieces burn tiny individual holes into my skin. I can feel them embedding themselves underneath my toenails, where they’ll travel with me for the next ten miles. Sand follows us as does the threat of death does. I would pull off my shoes and throw them across the desert for being so pinche useless if I didn’t need them to spare what’s left of my feet as I continue to tread along El Camino de Diablo--the most dang...
Weekly Contest #27
Isn’t it ironic? Me, a comedian, a man made of jokes, in the most miserable place that you could ever possibly imagine. I stood over her casket and brushed my fingers across its polished wood. As I stared at the casket’s outside, I didn’t dare look inside. To see her pale face and flushed cheeks. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and moved on, letting a line of her family members file behind me. Throughout the rest of the funeral, all I heard was a cacophony of apologizes. “I’m so sorry.” “She was too good for this world.” “There was noth...
Weekly Contest #26
I stamped out my cigarette in a cheap, plastic golden trophy. Slim rays of sunlight glinted through the closed blinds. I ruffled one hand through my uncombed while the other searched for a new cigarette. One of the rays hit me in my left eye. I grimaced and ducked from the light.Reaching for a fallen cigarette on the ground, I hit my head on my unstable night stand. “Fuck!” I cursed under my breath.I laid down on my bed. Silk sheets pooled around me. I twirled the cigarette in my fingers. My brain buzzed for a hit but my eyes begged for a na...
When my parents first named me Kateri Tanis Stuart, I don’t think they would have ever imagined how little people actually used it. In fact, I’ve only ever been referred to by my full name once. But, that’s a long time from now.I was born in my grandparents’ winter cabin up in North Dakota. It wasn’t my mother’s wisest decisions to spend the weekend there when she was already a week overdue. They said I was a miracle child. Born from a desperate, formally-infertile mother (she went through a LOT of fertility treatments). Only under the starl...
Weekly Contest #25
“Ahhhhhhhhh…” A girl around age eighteen sang to herself. “Ahhh…hmmmmm… oh yeah, those are words all right.” She pinched the spine of a book and dangled it in the air. “Not thought I know what any of them mean…” “Do you need any help, ma’am?” I asked while leaning against a crooked bookshelf. “No, I’m quite fine. You don’t need to worry about me.” She accidentally dropped the book. “Oh, nuts!” She cried as she fell to the floor it get it. Her body banged against the bookshelf, knocking the column off-balance. “Hey!” I exclaimed as the book s...
Weekly Contest #24
“I never thought it was possible for a person to be so damn arrogant!” Zed screamed as he slammed the front door of his house. “Your ass better stay on your own damn asteroid or I’ll kick it all the way to one of Jupiter’s moons!” Through the blinds of his window, Zed glared at the abyss of space outside his personal asteroid upon which his house sits. His eyes zoned in on the house of his one and only neighbor, Mandy. Across the asteroid belt, he saw Mandy’s front door fly open and her step out in a space suit with a brick in hand. She thre...
Weekly Contest #23
They say after every rainstorm comes a new beginning. So what about after a snowstorm? During the night, a thick layer of snow blanketed the city, keeping the skittish inside. The city looked anew, tarnished with a brand new white layer like a blank slate. The streets and sidewalks were clogged with snow, making it impossible to travel anywhere--including work and school. Every citizen awoke that morning with the same thought: ‘I am not going outside today’. Well, almost every citizen. I stared through my apartment window laced with a thin f...
Ten. Six. Five. Two. These numbers have no pattern. Only an individual meaning. In the middle of February, I was skiing across the mountainside when I fell into a ten foot pile of snow from a cliff of height only god-knows. My body sank six feet into its fluff. My five-foot figure was practically buried. It took forever to climb my way out. My fingers had turned a dangerous shade of blue by the time I was free. I gazed at the sky overhead. It was a fiery shade of red. Dusk was settling in soon, ready to cover the skies with its blanket of da...
Weekly Contest #21
December 20th 2017A college student with a heavy backpack and a heavier heart wandered into the bar of my inn. In silence, he sat down at the very end of the bar and pulled out a newspaper. In lieu of reading it like a normal person, he began to fold it into an origami swan. I shrugged it off.About three hours later, an army of paper swans had invaded my counter space and the guy was still going strong. Fold. Flip. Crease. Flatten. Repeat. Fold. Flip. Crease. Flatten. Repeat. “Hey, kid, what’s the deal? Did you take every newspaper in S...
Weekly Contest #19
June 2nd, 1987 I walked out from the stockroom, reading off the shift schedule. “Randy, your shift is over. I’ve be closing tonight.” I glanced up. “Annnddd Randy is gone and replaced by a small dwarf.” “I’m not a dwarf!” A little girl with stubby pigtails exclaimed. “Oh yeah?” I teased. “Show me your hands.” Confused, she raised them up. I squinted at them. “Oh yeah, stubby hands. That’s a dwarf for you.” “I’m not a dwarf! I’m eight!” “So, you’re this many huh?” I held up eight fingers. Eagerly, the girl nodded. “Well, do you have this many...
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