a life of crime

A LIFE OF CRIME

“Good morning. I’m looking for Miss Kendall, Miss Cynthia Kendall. I’m….”

“Of course, of course. I know who you are. Why did you use the buzzer? Most people can’t resist using my gargoyle brass knocker. It’s a beauty, isn’t it? Gargoyles were said to ward off evil spirits in the 1890s. Not that I need that kind of protection these days, not a simple middle-aged homebody like me.”

“ Well, you never know what you’ll be facing, do you, Miss Kendall? Not that a gargoyle would be much help.”

“Oh, call me Cynthia, or Cindy, if you like. It’s Mr. Whitlaw, isn’t it ?”

“No, I’m Mr. Cyrus, Hank Cyrus, and I’m from ….”

“Oh, no worries, Hank. Let me have your jacket. Make yourself comfortable. Have a seat right there, in that ladderback parlor chair. It’s solid New England hickory. Can you tell? And that pretty seat cushion on top? That is my embroidery, by hand, every stitch. Are you a bird lover, Hank? You’ll recognize the cheery American Robin on the left next to the humble homing pigeon, a very popular and patriotic breed used as messengers during the Second World War! It must have taken me weeks, no, months to finish that pattern stitch by stitch. I am no spring chicken anymore, Hank, but when it comes to birds and embroidery, I am no quitter!”

“I admire your skill,, Miss Kendall, but as I was saying, my name is Hank Cyrus, and I’m from the….”

Oh, let’s skip all the formalities, shall we? And you can call Cindy. It's a surprisingly comfortable chair, isn't it? Considering that it dates back nearly a century. Teddy Roosevelt himself probably sat in a chair just Ike that in his own parlor. Can you imagine?”

“I’ll take your word for it, Cynthia. But we need to talk ….”

“Oh, here, I’ve set the table. Pull up your chair. This is an authentic rosewood tea table. From 1901. That was the year Queen Victoria died! You don't have tea very often on an antique like this, do you? Pass me your cup, and I’ll pour. Ah, let the fragrance of these leaves fill your nostrils, Hank. Intoxicating.”

“ Lovely, Miss Kendall, but we have something to discuss besides tea tables and ladderback chairs.”

“ Hank is short for Henry, but did you know, Henry, that “ Henry” was a favored royal name, borne by eight English kings and many European nobles? Aren’t you lucky! I bet your parents knew. Oh, ar you looking for cream? You’ll find it in the china cow pitcher there, and the sugar is in the little tin that looks like a sleeping cat. That tin was a gift from my grandmother on my 12th birthday. I can’t tell you how much I still treasure it after all these years. It’s antique silver. Just like this tray, which is an antique Gorham Art Nouveau sterling tray. I am something of a novice, but not a total stranger to auctions, I confess. Well, I guess I don’t have to tell you what this tray is, considering the business you’re in, Hank.”

“That's something we have to talk about, the business I’m in, Cindy. And no, I don’t use sugar or cream in my tea.”

“A pity. Would you be surprised to hear that even this tea I’m pouring into your cup is vintage? This is not some peasant off-the-shelf bagged tea. That would not be Cindy Kendall’s style, thank you very much. Can you tell by the aroma? You could not guess in a million years what it is you are drinking. No, don’t even try. This is Junshan Silver Needle. It is very rare. And it comes in a lacquered box that reminds you of Geisha girls! I don’t set it out often. I would hate to tell you how much I paid for it, and don’t ask where I got it. My lips are sealed!”

“I can appreciate that you are a true connoisseur of tea, Cynthia, but I’m afraid I didn’t come here for tea. Or for a history lesson.”

“Connoisseur? That is an understatement, Hank. That cup in your hands? You know, no one has drunk from that cup for 50 years. You will be the first in half a century! But I thought it was only fitting to bring it out, considering what brings you here. “

“Yes, the reason I am here. Finally, we should talk about that!”

“Imagine, it’s half a century that that cup has been perched in my cupboard, empty but looking regal. This is an occasion. A historic moment, you might say, Hank. Pairing this tea with this cup. Let me tell you about that cup’s lineage.”

“I appreciate your hospitality, Cynthia, Cindy, but I did not come here for antique tea in a historic cup. There’s something more pressing to discuss.”

“But this is not just another teacup, Mr. Cyrus, or sorry, Hank. There is history in that cup. Some of it is a bit grisly. It all dates back to ….”

”No doubt, no doubt. I’m something of a history buff myself. But we should really talk about why I’m here, Cynthia. “

“Of course, Hank. We both know why you’re here, but what’s the hurry? First, we wet your whistle, or rather our whistles, while you listen to my story. It’s a doozie.”

“ And then we really have to talk. “

“Here’s the tale in a teacup….. It was 1862, and my great-great-uncle, who was a Confederate Soldier had stopped to assist a Union widow who was struggling to bring water up from a well. She invited him inside and brewed him a cup of tea …much like the tea we are enjoying right now, and before the cup was empty, the man was dead. It had been poisoned! Served him right. And here, it is rumored, is that very cup! A genuine Livesly Powell stoneware cup from the Civil War!”

“Ah, quite an anecdote, even if fanciful.”

“ Isn’t it? Stop looking at your watch, Hank. Relax. Wait, what’s wrong with me? Vintage tea in a vintage cup is not complete without a bite of old-fashioned shortbread. Here, try a slice. I baked it myself from an old family recipe that dates back to the 16th century. Do you know the history of shortbread? There’s real hand-churned Irish butter in here. I can give you the recipe if you like. “

“No need. I don’t bake or ….cook much, for that matter. I am a bachelor.”

“ A pity, Hank. I can't imagine what I would do without my old-fashioned kitchen, and my vintage cups and teas, and do you see that rocking chair in the corner? That’s a genuine Bentwood rocking chair from the 1860s. I hate to think what I would do without all my treasures. I’d probably turn to a life of crime. Just kidding!”

“Actually, Cindy, this visit is about your kitchen, you might say. The reason I’m here.

“Isn’t that the truth? Everything good starts and ends in the kitchen, doesn’t it? Speaking of which, did you notice my wood-burning stove over there with the cooker oven? It’s a replica of the one Benjamin Franklin invented. Is that a beauty or what?

In fact, shall we take a good look around at my treasures together? I am so curious to know what you will be interested in taking with you. Not that I am anxious to part with a single one. They are like my children, so to speak. Like you, I am single, just a humble unmarried housewife.”

“Actually, I’m interested in pretty much everything you have, Cindy.”

“Everything? But you haven't even seen my spoon-carved wooden bed, yet, or the hand-painted wall sconces from 1900. They are up in the bedroom.”

“Oh, I’ll be taking those, too…”

“Oh, my, Hank. This is such a delightful surprise! How about another cup of tea? Are you sure you want everything? You antique dealers not only have a discriminating eye, but a deep pocket, it seems.”

,

“I have more than that, Cynthia. I have handcuffs in my back pocket and an order for your arrest. I am not an antique dealer, and your name really isn’t Cynthia Kendall, is it? Does Ilka Huston ring a bell? Or how about Carrie Schloss? We’ve already picked up your partner in crime, Ed ‘Eagle Eye’ Bachrach, across town. Caught him with the back flap of his truck down and the insides filled with antique loot, genuine and otherwise. Looking a lot like your house here!

What shall I call you, Ilka? Carrie? Cynthia? Do you have anything to say for yourself?

“Yes, Hank. Could you hand me my coat, please?

“This one on the coat rack? “

“Yes. The one on the Bentwood Mahogany coat stand. And would you believe this is a genuine Ulster riding cape, and that is a real fox collar on top. Feel it! If this were 1860, it would be so stylish. There’s a story behind this cape. It seems there once was a wealthy spinster who…….”

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