Filled Promises

Making promises is one thing. Holding unto promises is another. During my whole life, it has been a challenge to holding unto all my promises. Regardless of my intentions, I always hope to make all my promises true. Some will call the ones that I hold onto true, and others will the ones that I can’t hold onto false. But with enough time, I truly believe that with the right intentions I have the ability to turn a false promise into a true promise. Many times a promise has to be made to someone else, however, today I am my own receiver to a long time promise that I made to myself a long time ago. 

For a very long time, I have promised myself to look deeper into my consciousness to bring a positive change in my life. Furthermore, I wanted to start doing the little things first in order to come in acceptance with my reality. As we are all shifting through collective consciousness during this difficult time, I promised myself to start enjoying the moment a lot more than I used to, rather than make plans as the future is something that is beyond us especially during this uncertainty period. Philosophically, spring has been known as a season of growth and new opportunities but as trivial as this sounds, today I feel calm. Even though there are no huge opportunities involved, I feel calm doing a lot of things that I used to rush, or feel anxious about.  I feel at ease not knowing what tomorrow will bring in my life, as I can only focus on the present and expect nothing but hope for the future. During this difficult times, many have lost their jobs and are in total despair, but for me I wanted to grow internally and start looking at things from a different perspective. 

For example, I now enjoy waking up making my bed knowing that I can always have myself snuggled back in whenever I please or finish my hot cocoa. This was in fact, something I always struggled with when it’s time to go to work in the morning. Call me lazy, but not currently having a girlfriend was always a reason for me to avoid fixing my bed. I always thought there was no one to impress but myself, and sometimes taking care of oneself can be difficult which explain why I  used to always make my ex girlfriend’s bed when she used to leave for work and let me stay afterwards to sleep in. I guess It’s safe to say that it’s easier to make someone else’s bed than one’s own bed out of courtesy and respect. 

In addition to making my bed, I feel so at ease when I eat my food. After having to meditate at a Buddhism center, I have learned that it’s important to eat slow and enjoy every little bit of taste of one’s food as it is both a privilege and a blessing to have food to nurture the body. Food is vital to oneself, but so many times I eat only to pass my hunger and not actually enjoy myself, or my body for what it matters. I now approach food as sex; it’s not necessary but it sure can bring pleasure when doing it the right way, or more precisely in a moderate manner. 

I’ve been so selfish when it comes to go slow an enjoy the little moment in life. Before this uncertainty period I had received many speeding tickets, but if only I knew that driving a car is a privilege that brings one person from one place to another all while enjoying the beautiful landscape that nature has to offer. I have a thing for fast cars, but it doesn’t bring me any luck for me to drive fast in a fast car if I’m not an official nascar driver, especially with not being rich enough. After all, some cops are there to give tickets, and for the safety of the commonwealth one has to drive in according to the speeding limit. Subconsciously those were my false promises. I always thought I have enough time to tackle them, and possible turn them into true 

As spring comes along, those promises resurfaced inside my thought and it was a perfect timing to actually hold onto them and make them a reality, in another word “true”.

With having so much time in my hand, I now learn to take a step back and making those changes. Therefore, little did I know that such small change can not only, in fact, bring a positive attitude to my life but also to those around me and even the entire world in a collective way.

Although those promises were to myself, I can already see the impact I’ve made inside my household alone.

I live with three roommates. Upon keeping my promise, our living room has never been so neat, our bathroom has never felt so fresh. When I first started living at my apartment, I was never proud of calling it my home. Not because I didn’t want to stand my ground, but I moved in on a September and everything was so hectic inside and I was busy to even look at my pride and looked for another apartment.

Upon my first day moving in, I promised myself that I would make the place my home, a much cleaner. To so many people a home is a place where they have furnitures, or a dog waiting for them but in my opinion, a home is a nice and clean place where you can’t wait to come to. Whether it’s a tiny little space that can only fit one mattress, as long as it’s clean it’s a home for me. 

When I take a good look around the place today, I know that Spring is here. I didn’t have to look at the calendar or outside, but the fresh lavender smell inside the house was the perfect indication of my true promise. As a result of this, I now want to look further into growing a garden in the backyard. I have never been a gardener, but again this is a perfect time to create and do something that bring joy into my life. By no means, I intended to take it this far, but this is the life we all are living. As an independent individual, I look to make this time of uncertainty as meaningful as possible without looking at the calendar or the clock. Some people are looking exponential growth as they are dealing with career growth, but to me I know this season of spring is a wake-up call to look deeper inside and let others know that you are to bring positive chances by exploring simple creativity.