Going Home

Marie had such mixed feelings about moving back home. Last time was about twelve years ago when her mom passed. She only stayed three days then left. But it was Tommy that was causing these feelings and emotions.

Born in Waterbury Connecticut, Marie and Tommy were born just three hours apart to two women that were best friends and currently neighbors.

Marie and Tommy were Christened together, First Holy Communions and Confirmations together not to mention the numerous birthday parties they shared and sleep-overs they had. They told each everything and they were the keepers of each others secrets. They truly were inseparable until Marie turned eleven. That's when things changed.

As we all know boys develop at a slower rate, both mentally and physically, than girls do and Marie seemed to be on the early end of it for girls. Her beautiful, well maintained complexion never had a blemish on it but all the other things that young girls have to endure on their journey's to womanhood happened. The rollercoaster emotions, the strange odors, sweating in places you didn't think you could sweat, the extra hair on her legs and arm pits, the cramping and then one day there's blood.

Tommy had been into sports since he was five and joined his first team, wiffle ball, at six. Marie loved sports but as a spectator. She was not competitive by nature but Tommy was. He was a natural talent too. His best sport was baseball. Marie went to all of his games. Tommy was on every Park and Rec team as well as the school teams. He regularly played baseball, basketball, football and hockey often times juggling schedules but he was so talented that the coaches sometimes let him slide on a practice or if he was late. He wasn't much for the academics but Marie tutored him as she was always on the honor roll.

It had been a year of going through the symptoms before Marie got her first period. It took a lot out of Tommy because he never knew which Marie he was going to get. It was their twelfth birthday and Marie and Tommy were going to go bowling at Lakewood lanes after which their parents would pick them up and they'd all go to the Ground Round or Beefsteak Charlie's for dinner. Marie's favorite place was the Ground Round but Tommy favored Beefsteak Charlie's. Being that it was both of their birthdays they would rock-paper-scissors after bowling to choose. Bowling was the one sport that Marie could sometimes beat Tommy at. Tommy never let anyone win so Marie was always thrilled when she won. They were on their fifth game, because they needed a tie breaker, when Marie had to sit down. She felt very lightheaded. Tommy looked at her with such concern. She grabbed his armed and asked if he would walk her to the bathrooms so she could put some cold water on her face. Tommy was so nervous. He had never seen anyone turn so white before. He told Marie that he would wait for her just outside the door. Marie splashed water on her face but still wasn't feeling quite herself. She went into a stall and soon realized that she had gotten her first period and it was a mess. All she wanted right then was for Tommy to go away and for her mom to be there. So she yelled out to Tommy to go wait by the entrance and to send her mom in as soon as she got there. Tommy was scared now and wanted to help but when he asked if she needed anything Marie nearly bit his head off and just told him to go wait for her mom.

Marie and her mom were very close so when her mom arrived and Tommy told her what was going on she knew exactly what to do. Even though Tommy had no idea what was happening to Marie, she didn't want to see him any more that night because she was embarrassed. She did not want to go out for a birthday dinner. She just wanted to go home to bed. Marie's mom told everyone that Marie was sick and that they should go to dinner without them. This got Tommy upset especially since Marie wouldn't talk to him before he left. Tommy stopped by Marie's house the next day but she wouldn't see him. She didn't know what to tell her best friend. She never lied to him before but she didn't think she could tell him. Four days later when Tommy stopped coming over to try and see her, she went to his house. She asked Tommy if he remembered the film from Health class about what happens to girls. She turned crimson red as she asked. Tommy just looked at her and didn't know what to say so he just hugged her as they sat in silence.

With a year of womanhood behind her Marie was excited to be going to high school. Tommy shot up a good eight inches over the summer and was starting to get some facial hair as well as a deepening in his voice. He too got lucky in the zit department and had that pass him by as it did Marie. Both he and Marie were Italian and they grew up eating well and they were both raised with good hygiene. Marie started high school as an honor student and Tommy started as a jock. However, because of Marie's school workload and Tommy's inability to study on his own, he was limited to two sports per school year. High school was going to be great!

The first three years of high school flew by. Marie and Tommy were dating/not dating. They still did almost everything together and by mid junior year they shared their first "real" kiss. Both of them had gotten their drivers licenses and Tommy fixed up his older brothers truck to have something to drive. He used to help his brother fix cars at the garage he worked at and Tommy himself worked their on weekends and summers. Marie worked at Two Guys department store during high school and borrowed her moms Gremlin to get around in.

Senior year. The year youth ends and adulthood begins. No one is ever quite ready for that! Tommy was awarded with several athletic scholarships and offers to attend but he ultimately chose to stay in Waterbury and build, repair and paint cars with his brother who now owned his own shop. Marie was awarded with scholarships herself and could've gone to the college of her choice but chose Uconn partly because they had one of the best education degree programs, as she wanted to become a teacher, but mostly because of Tommy.

Prom night was finally here. Marie had saved for six month to save enough for a Jessica McClintock prom dress and Tommy was going to drive them in his brothers Iroc Z. After prom they would head to Rhode Island for the weekend. The prom theme was "Always and Forever" and it was every bit the magic night Marie had dreamed of. Tommy was so handsome. He had such a rock hard athletic body and eyes so dreamy you can fall into them. Marie was petite and curvy and kept up with her yoga classes. They were named prom king and queen and the night couldn't have been any more perfect. They stopped at the Betsy Ross diner after prom to meet up with friends before heading to Rhode Island. This was likely the last time they would see some of these people. It was fun to reminisce but it felt like a chapter was ending. It was the last time they were all "free." They were about to enter the adult world and no one knew exactly what that meant.

On the drive to Rhode Island Tommy had told Marie that he loved her. He told her that he realized it on their twelfth birthday. He said he was so worried about losing her that night because he didn't know what was happening to her. Tommy told her that he felt physical pain that night and after talking to his mother, he knew it was love that he was feeling. Marie couldn't stop crying. She knew she loved Tommy long before that but the girl is never supposed to say to say it first, it scares boys/men off. Tommy pulled into the driveway of the cottage they were staying in for the weekend. It was very early morning. Tommy got out of the car and went over to Marie's side and helped her out of the car. As soon as she stood up he pulled her close. They held on to each other for a long time. They grabbed their bags out of the car, threw them on the cottage porch, took a blanket and walked down to the beach. They made love for the first time and many times thereafter during that weekend and throughout that summer. Tommy went to work right away while Marie spent her days at the beach with friends and her nights with Tommy. Marie had decided to live on campus because she had some late classes but would head home on weekends. By Halloween Tommy would have his own apartment and that's where Marie would stay on weekends. They had it all figured out. They even talked about getting married. Early summer wedding the year she graduated so that she could start her first teaching job. They even discussed the cities that she would apply to for teaching jobs.

Marie had a tough work load at school and wasn't making it back to Waterbury every weekend. Tommy had started smoking weed and drinking. He had gotten his apartment and was doing some partying. Tommy would occasionally head up to Uconn but was never comfortable with the college scene. Marie and Tommy had a great relationship despite the differences in their lifestyles. They remained committed to each other and their plans.

Tommy loved Halloween. It was his favorite holiday growing up and it remained his favorite as an adult. This year, because he had his own place, he was going to throw a bash. Marie was excited to help him plan and decorate. They dressed up as Frankenstein and the Bride of Frankenstein and the party was a great success except for Mary Elaine. She had been a thorn in Marie's side since freshman year of high school. Mary Elaine wanted Tommy. Tommy and Marie only had eyes for each other.

Christmas break couldn't happen any faster. Marie had aced all of her classes despite feeling sick during her finals. She just put the last bag in her car to head home for the holidays and a six week break from college until the next semester. Marie had been feeling weak, tired and dizzy but told herself it was because of her workload and not eating right. This break, and her moms cooking and seeing Tommy every day would cure her.

After a wonderful Christmas meal with Tommy and both families, Marie felt very sick. She couldn't stop vomiting and ended up in the ER at Waterbury hospital. Marie didn't want to ruin the rest of Christmas for anyone else so she made everyone leave, even Tommy. If you've ever been to the Waterbury Hospital ER or any ER then you'd know that unless you're bleeding out or not breathing, the wait to be seen was going to take Marie and whoever else was waiting with her into the day after Christmas and Marie wasn't having that. There was cheesecake and cookies to be eaten and gifts to get opened and they should all go and enjoy that.

Four hours after arriving at the ER, Marie was brought to the back to be seen. Vitals were taken, blood was drawn and tests were ordered. After another three hours the doctor came into the cubicle Marie was in and gave her some of the initial results. What he told her was not what she expected to hear. She was in shock. This news changes everything. All Marie wanted to do was talk to Tommy. By now he was already at work so she called her mom to come and get her. She told her mom that the doctor told her that she was run down and had exhaustion. They drove home and Marie called Tommy at work. They made plans to have dinner. Marie loved to cook and told Tommy she'd make dinner at the apartment and see him there when he got out.

Marie showered, took a nap then headed to the grocery store to get what she needed for dinner. Marie was going to make Tommy his favorite dinner, chicken carbonara. What she had to tell him wasn't going to be easy to hear. As she pulled up to the apartment she noticed that the front door was slightly opened. She grabbed the groceries and headed to the door. Marie walked in and saw Mary Elaine sitting on the couch. Marie saw red and immediately laced into Mary Elaine. Mary Elaine couldn't get a word in edgewise. Emotions running high after being given the news by the doctor, Marie went off on Mary Elaine for what seemed like an hour, threw the bag of groceries at her and left. When Tommy got there Mary Elaine told him what happened. He asked her what she had said to Marie and why she was still even there. He told her to get the hell out and never come around again. Tommy left and drove to Marie's but she wasn't home. Her mom told Tommy that she was upset and was going to spend the rest of break at Uconn. Tommy booked out of their to follow Marie. Holiday traffic was wicked and by the time Tommy reached Storrs, Marie was already boarding a plane to Africa for the next six months. She had signed up for Teachers without Borders and was going to stay in the states but given what just happened she felt she had to get away. Tommy was devastated to learn that Marie had left without so much as a call. Mary Elaine being in his apartment wasn't what she thought. How could she think anything could happen with anyone else when he had been loving her his entire life.

Five months have past. Marie is just weeks away from going back to Uconn. About a month after arriving in Africa she wrote to Tommy.

"Dear Tommy,

I've been struggling with trying to write this letter or even with what to say. Well here goes. The reason I was in the hospital on Christmas was because I was pregnant. When the doctor told me the news all I wanted to do was talk to you. I never even told my mom. I was both nervous and excited. I know we talked about having babies but it was some day after we were married not now. I was even going to make your favorite dinner so we could talk about it but when I saw Mary Elaine sitting on our couch I came undone. I also became irrational when I knew I should've told her to leave and just wait there for you. I was a coward and left. You might be wondering about the baby. I am not pregnant anymore but that is all that I want to say about it in a letter. I know that there is a very big possibility that you are too hurt to ever speak to me again but I know with no uncertainty that you are the love of my life and I am sorry. I have five months left on my assignment here then I will be back in Connecticut. I hope you will write me back. I hope we will at least talk when I get back. I am so sorry that I hurt you. Please don't be mad at me forever.

Love

Marie"

Tommy never wrote back. Marie returned and stayed in Storrs. And for the next three years she only came home for Christmas. After graduation college, Marie took a teaching job at very prestigious school in Boston. She only returned to CT once when her father passed. Her mom kept her abreast of things back home always telling her little things about Tommy. Neither of them ever married. Tommy went thru a string of women over the years spent most of his time fixing cars and smoking weed. The shop was now his as his brother moved to S. Carolina with his wife and kids-better schools for his kids. Marie had one relationship that lasted a little over a year but ultimately ended because he wanted to get married and she could not make that commitment to anyone but Tommy. She has lived with the regret of her actions for more than twenty years. Now that she finds herself packing up her Boston life and moving back home so much pain and regret is surfacing but she has never given up hope of a reunion with Tommy.

Tommy's parents have long passed and Tommy has been living in his childhood home. Marie inherited her childhood home after her mom passed but has had a cousin taking care of the property. She could not bring herself to sell it.

I84 never seemed like such a long drive until today. As she gets off her exit in Waterbury she notices how much has changed but as she turns onto her street so many memories flood her mind. As she pulls into her driveway she sees Tommy in his. Her heart is racing so fiercely she that thinks she may pass out. They both step out of their cars at the same time. Their eyes meet and tears begin to fall from Marie's eyes.