Witness

Crime Suspense Thriller

Written in response to: "Write a thriller about someone who witnesses a murder… except there’s no evidence that a murder took place." as part of The Great Escape.

She saw him.

She saw him get killed.

She saw the life drain out of his eyes.

She heard his screams of pain.

She heard the footsteps of the murderer as they ran away.

She felt a tingly sensation course through her.

She felt a tight knot form in her chest.

She witnessed it all.

But no one believed her. Not a soul.

But she knew it had happened. Her eyes couldn’t have betrayed her. She wasn't dreaming nor was she hallucinating. The rasping of the man’s finals breaths and the crimson blood were all too vivid for it to be a figment of her imagination. She was there. She was watching. She was witnessing.

She had approached the body, hands trembling. The man lay in a pool of his own blood beneath her feet, his body peppered with bullet wounds. His glassy eyes were rolled back, showing only the bloodshot sclera of his eyes. 

Her fingers were numb as she had dialed the number of the police. Her breath was shaky, and her voice was uncertain. She told the officer on the phone what had happened.

"May I ask what your name is?" The officer had questioned.

She responded softly. A moment went by. Her eyes widened as the officer started to laugh.

"Nice try. Don't joke that much. We all know murders are implausible." The officer had drawled before ending the call.

The phone fell out of her hand and landed with a thud on the ground. What was the officer talking about? She clutched her heart with both of her hands and fell to her knees. What is going on? Her head was spinning. The ground around her started to spin as well. The lifeless body was still in front of her, her clothes and hands now soaked with blood.

No. Something was wrong. Something was missing. Why did the officer hang up so abruptly? Why was the officer so ignorant? She stood up and started to walk away from the body. She needed help. She needed to ask someone else. As she turned around she saw a young man walking by. Her feet dragged her towards him.

"Please help! Please help me!" Her cries were loud, and she collapsed onto her knees. The man immediately turned his head.

"What's wrong?" He asked, his eyebrows cocked in annoyance.

"Please! There has been a murder. Someone has been killed! I saw it all!" She begged, her voice desperate and cracking.

The man's eyes lingered over her for a moment. He scoffed. "This isn't funny. Joking about death is despicable." He shook his head as he walked away.

“...Please!” She called out weakly, grasping for the man’s hand. But it was out of reach, and her hand fell to her side.

Tears streamed down her face. They tasted like salt and regret. Stop. Stop it. Stop crying. She kept scolding herself as she slowly stood up. Stop being weak. Make them believe you. They must believe you. She hurried back to the scene of the crime. The knot in her chest tightened even harder each time she saw those lifeless eyes. It was as if they were chiding her, tormenting her. She grabbed her phone from the ground, making sure it was still functional.

She wanted to call the police. She should call the police. But what if she got in trouble. What if they didn’t believe her again. She shut her eyes as pain filled her body. Her words had failed her once again. Her mouth refused to open. Refused to fight back. How weak she was.

She crumbled to the floor in tears. After all, that was what she was best at. Crying. All she could do was cry. She couldn't even stand up for herself. Couldn't even prove something. And she hated herself for being so useless.

Her mind was swirling with thoughts. She couldn't swallow nor could she speak, her throat was dry and hoarse. She still knew she wasn't dreaming. This is real. She is real. It had to be real. But why didn't anyone believe her? Why was she never given a chance? Her breathing started to slow down. Her tears lessened. 

What if it is a dream? But in my dreams, who am I? Where am I? Her reality felt distorted and warped, nothing seemed real yet nothing seemed fake. She reached up, trying to grasp something, trying to find something tangible to provide her some certainty.

Maybe she was nothing. Nothing at all. Maybe she was as thin as air. No, thinner than air. As unreachable as the heavens, as unbelievable as the gaping chasm of hell. No. No, she had to stop. No, she knew this was real. She couldn't push the truth away. She still had to face the truth, truth is something no one can evade.

What was wrong with these people? Were they just merely stupid? Or oblivious? Or did they just not care? Why did they not believe her? What had she done to make them so against the thought of murder? She had so many questions but no answers. But there was only one way to elucidate these questions.

Slowly, she dialed the police again with trembling, frail, bloodied fingers. They picked up.

“Hello? I’d like to report a murder,” She begins once more, telling her story.

“Alright. What’s your name, miss?” The officer asks. But before she can respond, the man cuts her off with a chuckle. “Just kidding. We don’t need your name for a prank.”

She opened her mouth to protest, but the call ended. Slowly, she pushed herself up, wobbling a bit. She took a moment to stabilize herself, then inhaled sharply. Her eyes were closed and her face was pointed towards the blue, blue sky. Her eyes slowly opened after a brief pause, glimmering under warm rays of sunlight.

“My name,” she began quietly, swaying gently with the wind. “Is Elora Bathory.” She giggled, then disappeared into the shadows of an alleyway, twirling a gun in her hands.

Posted Nov 08, 2020
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214 likes 401 comments

Baby Crayons
February 27, 2021 20:41

THIS IS SO GOOD! i really felt elora's emotions throughout the entire story. nice job! :)

Reply

Cookie Chris
February 23, 2021 06:10

I read this just now and I think it is really well written and the plot twist is definitely not expected, however one thing I don't understand is how her feelings can change so quickly from one moment panic to suddenly accepting that she's the killer. You described how her tears were filled with regret earlier however in the end she seemed to have no remorse so I just don't quite understand how her emotions does a complete 180 so suddenly. You're an amazing writer though! I truly enjoyed this story!

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Ramsey Smith
February 11, 2021 16:01

This is truly an amazing story.... The twist was a jaw dropper...

would really want you to teach me pls.

Am ready to learn.

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Mila Van Niekerk
February 11, 2021 14:50

AAAAaaaand I just read your bio. Oh well, the more comments you get the more karma points

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Mila Van Niekerk
February 11, 2021 14:49

I LOOOOVVEEEEE this story! The end was so unexpected!! This is soooo well written. Keep it up!!

PS: I know this is probably an older story, but I searched up thriller and suspense prompts cuz I felt like writing something like a horror, and I came across this story. BUT I HAVE NO REGRETS

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. .
January 15, 2021 00:17

Two new stories. One a message, the other a story.

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Sandra Brooks
January 14, 2021 19:26

Wow, I loved your story. Kept me hooked till the end. Definitely did not expect that twist. Mainly your writing is really good. Love the way you formatted your words.

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Riddhi Shedge
January 14, 2021 01:13

Heyyyy!! How are you doing?

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Riddhi Shedge
January 14, 2021 03:13

Pretty good!!

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Riddhi Shedge
January 14, 2021 23:07

Hey!! I'm going to be more active on this account :) Hope we can continue chatting lol :DD

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Riddhi Shedge
January 12, 2021 19:07

hEy tHeRe guRL...*smirks*

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HeHe *knowing grin*
XD

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Riddhi Shedge
January 12, 2021 19:09

Hehehehehe *wiggles eyebrows* So, tell me a bit about yourself :DD

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*XD*
Like my wot? Sorry XDdDdDdDd

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Riddhi Shedge
January 12, 2021 19:10

Idk?? *hee hee* Interests, hobbies, and stuff?

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REEdSy, reading, writing, eating flaming Cheetos(lime), watching tv, YouTube, among us, rEEdSy, writing.

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B. W.
December 26, 2020 17:45

new thread?

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Riddhi Shedge
December 26, 2020 19:39

sure! How was your Christmas?

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B. W.
December 26, 2020 19:50

I guess it was good

Reply

Riddhi Shedge
December 26, 2020 21:13

that's nice! Did you get any interesting presents?

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B. W.
December 26, 2020 21:27

I mostly got games and books, also I just got a new story out ^^

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Riddhi Shedge
December 26, 2020 22:08

Ooo, that's great!

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Riddhi Shedge
December 27, 2020 00:28

so, how are you doing today?

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B. W.
December 22, 2020 17:15

new thread?

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Riddhi Shedge
December 22, 2020 22:06

sure! how are you doing today?

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B. W.
December 22, 2020 22:06

eh, im kinda bored and tired as usual

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Riddhi Shedge
December 22, 2020 22:25

oh, I see. How are your novels coming along?

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B. W.
December 22, 2020 22:40

I'm on chapter 14 with one

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Riddhi Shedge
December 22, 2020 22:46

ooh, that's great!

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B. W.
December 19, 2020 20:09

Heya

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Riddhi Shedge
December 19, 2020 20:25

Hey! How are you doing?

Reply

B. W.
December 19, 2020 20:31

Half and half

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Riddhi Shedge
December 19, 2020 20:38

Oh. I see. Also, I noticed your bio, and to be honest, I haven't really known you for that long, but I really don't find you annoying or anything, so I'm not sure why you would think that people think that?

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B. W.
December 19, 2020 21:22

I think the two of us have only known each other for a few days or maybe a week? I've just always kind of thought like this for a few years to be honest, and not just on here.

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Riddhi Shedge
December 20, 2020 07:27

Yea, that's true, but why do you think people hate you? Has anyone set something like that or something similar to you?

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Beverly Riddle
December 06, 2020 20:27

This story is eerie, and has just the right amount of drama. Great job!

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Riddhi Shedge
December 09, 2020 01:03

Thanks for reading, Beverly! :)

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Liling Wei
December 02, 2020 17:37

Oh my gosh! The twist at the end was so unexpected! I really love your story telling. You were able to write one scene in so many words! Happy writing!
-Whirl

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Riddhi Shedge
December 02, 2020 17:41

Thank you so much for the kind words! :)

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November 27, 2020 08:32

wow... just wow

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Riddhi Shedge
November 27, 2020 18:37

Haha, thank you! :D

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Elisia Meehan
November 20, 2020 16:16

Hello wow interesting. You are repeatedly used the same word not wrong in his you used it . I just wan to encourage you to branch out "She" can also be her. Live the read great job. Hope you can continue.

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Riddhi Shedge
November 20, 2020 17:00

Thanks for the feedback, Elisia! :D

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Sunny 🌼
November 20, 2020 13:24

Well heck! What a twist! This whole time I just thought she was a really upset lady just trying to get people to take her seriously and then BOOM, turns out she was the killer.

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Riddhi Shedge
November 28, 2020 04:01

Thanks for reading, Sarah! :D

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Llind Kam
November 19, 2020 12:59

I feel stupid to ask this: could you answer some questions for me?
1. Was she actually pranking or is she involved?
2. If she was involved,why was she calling the police?
3. Why was the police not taking her seriously?
Anyways great writing. You had my attention the whole time.

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Riddhi Shedge
November 19, 2020 16:09

Well, she was bipolar. So, one side of her was saying that she wasn't the murderer while the other side of her actually killed the man. The police weren't taking her seriously because they believe that their town was too "perfect" for murder. :D

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Llind Kam
November 19, 2020 18:24

Cool. Thanks! Great job.

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November 19, 2020 08:23

Oh wow!! I totally did not see that coming!!! Amazing writing!! Totally loved it!!

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Riddhi Shedge
November 19, 2020 16:06

Thank you so much, Akshaya! :)

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November 19, 2020 17:04

My pleasure!
If u don't mind, could you give my story, "A delicious adventure" a read and give me your feedback? It is kinda similar to your work actually, and I'd like to know how to improve😅

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Riddhi Shedge
November 19, 2020 17:42

Sure! I'll check it out. :D

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November 20, 2020 14:32

Thank You so much!! :)

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Ashlyn Anderson
November 18, 2020 03:09

Can you give me some pointers? I kinda want to be an author of best seller some day and change the world through writing.

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Riddhi Shedge
November 18, 2020 03:37

Sure! I'll check out some of your writing when I'm free (PS: I'm not the BEST at writing hehe! :))

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Ashlyn Anderson
November 18, 2020 03:06

Sweet plot twist.

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Riddhi Shedge
November 18, 2020 03:37

Glad you got surprised, Ashyln! :)

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Megan S
November 17, 2020 20:32

I really enjoyed reading this! I definitely did not expect that ending!

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Riddhi Shedge
November 17, 2020 20:36

Thank you so much for reading, Megan! :D

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A. Nelson
November 14, 2020 17:08

Could you explain the ending for me😅
This is in fact an AMAZING story though✨💗🙌🏾

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Riddhi Shedge
November 14, 2020 18:25

Thank you for the kind words! The ending is kind of like a plot twist where the woman was actually the one who killed the man. (She was the murderer) :)

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Katy Clements
November 14, 2020 16:46

You are an incredible writer! The descriptions and the way you meld all the aspects of your story into one perfect whole is amazing. Great job! :)

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Riddhi Shedge
November 14, 2020 18:24

Omg, thank you so much! :D

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Angelina Tran
November 14, 2020 01:16

Oh my god!! This was amazing! The plot twist had my jaw permanently attached to the floor! The beginning was great as well, loved the way the story is structured. I have nothing to critique because there IS nothing to critique :)

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Riddhi Shedge
November 14, 2020 01:20

Thank you so so much! It means a lot :)

Reply

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