Annie’s Wild Adventures In Wonderland

Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va. there lived a little girl who answered to the name of Annie. Well actually, half the girls in town answered to that name, the other half didn’t answer at all. She was a really sweet 9 year-old who had a mighty excessive imagination for a girl her age. In fact, she would always get an A in creative writing class in school. The problem was she also had a bad habit of telling falsehoods whenever she would get caught doing anything bad. Therefore, nobody could believe her, even when she would tell the truth. he kept on scurrying across the yard. Then he disappeared down a rabbit hole. The problem was Annie didn’t see it, she just saw he was no more, and so she fell into the hole herself, while screaming all the way since she’d never heard of any person who could fall into a hole, other than Alice in Through The Looking Glass which was a book written by Louis Carrol a long time ago. She kept on screaming until she finally hit the bottom, which luckily was padded with lots of leaves and flowers all around. As she tried to shake the cobwebs out of her head, spiders came out of her ears saying, “Hay! What’s the big idea? We were just settling down for an afternoon nap when, well, who are you?”

If you’ll excuse me, I was on my way to get a, ‘hare’-cut.” Then he shook his head and continued hopping through the woods. As she started jogging down the only path which was in front of her, soon she came upon some animals playing croquet. She thought it was rather odd to see anybody other than humans playing that game, but what made it even more unique was the fact that they were using a dazed rat for the ball. Each time they hit him, he would yell, “Ouch!” but none of the other animals seemed to care even the slightest little bit about the poor, little creature who was being wacked around between the wickets. She went up to them and asked in a really polite tone of voice, “Excuse me fellows, I’m really lost. Can you please tell me how to get back home and be with my family? They’re all missing me!” “Yeah, right!” said a dog who was holding the golden mallet in his paws, “Like you want us to believe that thing has feelings? How stupid can you get? Oops! I shouldn’t have asked that! So I guess you are gonna demonstrate your stupidity in front of us!” “Wow! That’s a good one!” laughed a great dane, punching Annie on the arm, which hurt so yelled, “Ow!” but since the other animals were all laughing, she figured it would be the smartest thing to laugh with the rest of them, which she did. It was obvious those animals would be no help for her to get home, so she ran down the path amongst all the howling and laughing from them. As Annie kept running down the path, she came upon a different rabbit who was right much bigger than the one she had chased down the hole. He kept marching while kicking his knees up really high, which was actually quite extraordinary since most rabbits don’t just walk on their back feet. As she ran over to the marching rodent, she asked him in her usual polite tone of voice, “Excuse me sir, sorry to interrupt your marching, but I need some help. Can you please tell me how to get back to my family?” “No, not right now, 2, 3, 4. Now keep it up 2, 3, 4. Don’t bug me, kid, I’m busy marching. I’m the general of my squad and I’m on the way to get a, ‘hare’-cut. 2, 3, 4, now keep it up, 2, 3, 4.” It was obvious that animal would be no help either, so Annie kept on jogging. Then she saw a labrador retriever trotting across the path in front of her so she called out, “Hey there. Can you stop for a minute, please? I really need to talk with you. Now, I know you’re, ‘mans-best-friend,’ but please help this poor .”“purr-r-r-r-rfect” opportunity to get some decent directions home, she ran over to her and said, “Hay there! Aren’t you a beautiful feline! You’re a really pretty-kitty! Maybe you could help me. I’m trying to get home to my family, but am having no success at having that happen. Please help me.” I’m not looking forward to, ‘kittin’ trouble because I have looked in the, ‘cat’-alog and couldn’t find what I need for my boss’s birthday. If not, it would be a, ‘cat’-tastrophy of, ‘cat’-aclysmic proportions. Annie ran to her and giving a big smile said “Excuse me, I’m lost. Can you please tell me where I live?” “Sory,” said the chicken in a right grumpy-sounding voice, “I’ve got problems of my own! I’m still trying to figure out why I just crossed this dag-gone road! I am too, ‘person’ to ask anybody for some advice! I may have to put a, ‘chek-in’ the mail to ask my college professor for some advise!” Then he frowned and put one of his wings on his mouth to show he was really contemplating. Across from that bird was a pig. He was so dirty it almost made Annie not want to ask him anything, but she needed to get home so she took a deep breath and said, “Hey there, buddy. I’m lost. Can you please tell me how to get home to my family?” The next pen was home to a cow. She was actually quite intimidated by the immense size of that creature, but she needed to get home so she went up to him and asked in her usual polite tone of voice, “Excuse me, I’m lost. Can you please tell me how to get home to my family, big-guy?” “Sorry,” said the huge cow, “Some men are on their way to get me right now. If they can catch me, which they won’t, it would be an ‘udder’ disaster. I don’t like how they keep saying, ‘Where’s the beef?’ then laughing while looking at me. Hopefully they won’t stick me in my ‘dairy-aire.’ “ Then she scurried off and was gone. Right beside that pen was home to a bull. He looked quite mean, but Annie needed to get home. Since he was in the middle of his field, Annie had to walk in towards him then asked him, “Excuse me, I’m lost. Can you please tell me where I live?” “No!” snorted the bull quite rudely, “Nobody ever does anything to help me! Why should I do something to help you? Now, if you even remotely think I’d try to help you, you’re full of people!” That was home to a small calf who was hobbling along, obviously in some great pain down in his front leg. Next to that pen, a goat stood, but he was also frowning. The problem was that he was the last animal on the farm to ask for any help from. Annie took a deep breath, then went up to the frowning animal and said quite cheerfully, “Hay there, smiley! What’s happening Smiley? Now, I’m big-time lost and you’re the last animal who can help me. Please tell me where my home is.” “Huh!” snorted the goat, “Give me one good reason why I should help you! You can’t because there is none! That’s why! You make me so mad I could chew up 10 penny nails and spit out tacks, no matter how they cost! Get out of my face before I fill you so full of holes the animals will think you’re from Switzerland! Then compared to you, the Devil will seem as if he is, ‘Holly!” “Huh!” snorted the goat as he turned around, “I will have to show you why they call me the, ‘Goat!’ It’s the acronym for Greatest Of All Time, sucker! Now I’ll show you a, ‘butt, but!’ Now, you are definitely a, ‘ba-a-a-ad’ little pain-in-the-neck!” Then he came charging after Annie with his head pointed down towards the ground while snorting all the way as he ran, obviously with some really mal intentions running through his evil, filthy mind. Fortunately, the fence was right behind the little girl, so she had to think fast. She quickly scooted under the lowest board because she was too short to try and jump over it. That meant the bull, who came huffing and puffing all the way towards her, couldn’t see what was directly in front of him since his head was facing the ground. He smashed into the hard, unforgiving board fence, thus getting his horns stuck in the beams. That caused him to commence to cussing, but since it was in goat-language, Annie didn’t understand a word of it, which was just as well. She was relieved to see that the farm animals, which had been no help to her whatsoever, were finally behind her. That meant there was nothing but vegetables in a mighty huge open field. Annie kept on jogging sinc that was one of her favorite things to do anyway, but as she went along, suddenly she got the feeling she was being watched by something. When she looked up, the reason for that feeling was realized. There over her head was a great big albatross flying over her head. With a shriek, she ran just as quickly as she could go, trying to outrun that flying creature which by then, was breathing down her back. She tried to speed up to try and outrun that gigantic bird, but it was no use. That thing swooped down on her and picked her up with his huge, sharp talons. He carried her for a few hours. “Well, maybe this bird is trying to take me back,” she said out lud in an exceptionally hopeful tone of voice, even though she knew goo-and-well that would be pure fantasy, like wishful thinking, so since she had no idea where that gigantic bird was taking her, she tried to enjoy the scenery underneath them as they flew over hill and dale. After a few hours, the ground beneath them had changed. It had turned into nothing but many miles of nothing but clear, blue water. Since Annie knew nothing about water besides it’s what she drank and bathed in, she marveled at how blue the water had just become. The problem was that there was just so much of it. Now, since it was getting dar, combined with the fact that she had never been that tired in her life, she figured it would be a good thing to catch a few winks. She believed in an all powerful being who was watching over her and protecting her from all harm. Because it had gotten too dark to see anything, she scrunched into as comfortable of a position as she could manage and then went to sleep. She felt like she’d been running behind an awful gas-guzzler because she was so, “exhausted.” It’s better than feeling like a bicycle that’s, “2-tired.”

The sun arose on the next day which woke her up. Yet all she could see under her was nothing but pretty, blue water in every direction. After several more hours-worth of flying, she finally saw some land under them. That was nice to see after flying through the air for so long. That’s when she bit the albatross with all her might. That caused him to squawk and throw Annie up in the air. Lucky for her, there were many big-leaved trees on every side of her. Lamons tours, she was in the continent of Africa.She didn’t know what else to do, so she just started jogging again.The first animal she saw was a monkey up in a tree so she called up to him saying, “Excuse me, I’m really lost. Now can you please tell me where the heck I am? Sorry! I didn’t mean to cuss!”

“Sorry,” said the monkey, “I was told not to, ‘hang’ around any animals who weren’t, ‘swingers.’ Plus I don’t want to be late for work since I am really big into, ‘people business.’ It’s like they say, ‘There’s no business like monkey-business.’ “ Then he left.

As Annie kept jogging through the jungle, she soon saw a giraffe walking through the forest. It intrigued her to see her incredibly long neck which meant it took several seconds for her her to register that she was eating leaves off of those incredibly tall trees. After watching her for several seconds, she got a crick in her neck, although since there were no fish in that, “crick,” she called up, “Hay! You up there! I’m lost! Can you please help me?”

The giraffe replied in a really scratchy voice, “Sorry, I can’t help anybody right now. I’m on my way to the doctor since I’ve got a terrible sore throat. When I take any pills, it takes 2 days for them to get down my throat to my tummy, then all the way back again. I can’t wait that long.” Then she hustled away from the little girl. It wasn’t long before she saw a leopard, but as she got closer to her and saw all the spots on her, she remembered what her momma had told her about how bad she’d feel if she ever got the measles. She said it would give her the, “weasels,” so she took a different rout through that extremely immense jungle where there were sure to be a lot of other animals who’d be able to help her.

The next animal she came to was a panther, only he was jogging right quickly through the jungle. She called out to him, “Hay! I’m a jogger too! Please stop a minute! I need help!” The panther did stop, but he kept jogging in place. “Sorry,” he said, “I’ve got to go cause I’m training for a marathon. If I stop, nobody will know I’m a, ‘panter-panther.’ I’m lost. Can you please tell me how to get home now? “Sorry,” replied that hideous-looking monster, “I’m on my way to the beauty-parlor for an appointment, although I don’t think I need to go there that badly. Tell me what you think, small-fry.” “Oh, of course not,” lied Annie, “You’re gorgeous. By the way, what kind of parlor can I go to buy some beauty from anyway?” That made the ugly-looking beast laugh. She thought that was the funniest thing she’d ever heard. It made the gross-looking marks on her face move around, making her be that much more ugly than ever. Annie laughed as well, but didn’t understand why. Then it registered she was being laughed at, not with which was quite insulting so she ran on and left the creature alone there.

Later Annie saw a zebra. She started to ask him her usual question, but noticed his stripes, making him look like a convict. Her daddy had always told her to stay away from them since they did bad things, so she took an alternative path through the jungle.

That’s when she saw a gorilla lumbering down the jungle. She ran over to him and asked with a big smile, “Excuse me, I’m lost. Can you please tell me some way I can get home to my family?”

The gorilla turned to her and said, “No way, rodent. Since we are at war, I need to get my men into, ‘person warfare.’ “ Then he saluted the little girl and commenced swinging through the trees.

As Annie kept jogging, she heard a sound of something that was extremely tremendous heading her direction. She hid behind a tree, but a great big-sounding voice said, “I see you hiding. Don’t be afraid. I will not hurt you, big girl. I’m a good-guy.”

When Annie looked up she saw the most immense animal she’d ever seen, a massive elephant smiling at her. That made her shake, but she managed to studder, “Uh, yeah. I’m lllost. Ccan you please, uh, well, help mmme, uh, you know, get home ”

“Sorry,” said the extremely immense elephant, “i’m on my way to the doctor since I’ve got a horrible cold with the sneezels. After that, I’m going on a trip so I need to be sure I’ll, ‘pack-a-derm’ suitcase for my wife and young calf. The last time I hurt my, ‘calf’ muscle because there was too much stuff in my, ‘trunk.’ “

By then Annie was fit to be tied. Like she was, “fit” from all of her jogging and the, “tide” was coming in which limited the amount of space she could jog. It was then that all her jogging finally caught up with her. She collapsed on the ground and cried.

That’s when her momma began shaking her to wake her up. The whole thing had been a dream. By then it was time for her to be at rehearsal for her Christmas carol concert. While she was there, she met a cute guy named Louis who swept her off of her feet, but she told him to put her down since she’d been flying through the air too much. Years later he, “popped-it.” She accepted, so they were married. Then they named their daughter, “Merry” who happened to be born on December 25th which made that day be even more of a, “ ‘Merry’ Christmas.” So, like the best-written children’s stories of all-time will officially finish,

“THEY ALL LIVED HAPILLY EVER AFTER!!!!” The end. By, Cuz Roye.