A World Through Jesse's Eye

My name is Jesse, Jesse James, I am a 9, almost 10 year old chihuahua with quite the life story. It all started almost 10 years ago when I was born. I was in a litter of 3 other pups. I don't really remember much of that time though my life has revolved around my human and her family. She, my human, has been my world, my reason to live but I’ll explain more of that later. I remember coming to this family around September 2016. I was around 4ish months old. I guess she would be my owner's mom picked me up from my original home though really thinking about it, it wasn’t ever my true home. The car ride back was uneventful but all I really remember was coming home and seeing her, who I would soon realize was my everything. Life has been perfect ever since, food whenever I want all the cuddles I could ever ask for though there have been some struggles and scares along the way.

When I was around 2 or 3 years old I nearly died a vet gave me a steroid that was causing my liver problems, I got super sick but I just remember my person crying all the time, and vet visits where I’d have to be away from her for hours, luckily the vets were kind enough to let me go home with my family at night, bright and early the next day though.. I had to go back. That became my life for a few weeks. The IV was the worst though but I was a tough cookie and I did it for her. She kept me strong, she gave me the motivation and love I needed to push through it all. I hate to see her cry. I always try to give her kisses whenever she does, she doesn’t let me though and I always wonder why.

Then before i turned 5 years old I had to get my left eye removed, that was super scary my cornea literally started melting off my eye. I remember my human how scared she was how she cried every day worried about me, y’know I feel bad in a way. I feel I’ve held her back in life. How she wants to go to college and experience life but because of mainly my issues she can’t she cries about it to me sometimes. How she wishes things were different but how she’d never trade me for the world. I wonder what life would be like if i wasn’t her dog, would she be happier, what would life be like? Would I even be here? I have so many issues. Would anyone else be able to handle me and love me like she does? I don't think anyone can even love me like she does. She’s given me the world and I try to do the same. She means everything to me. I remember another issue of mine how she cried finding out. Apparently my skull never formed right and now brain fluid leaks into my spine and causes cysts. My human cried so hard finding out about that one. I wonder if she knows how much she means to me, when I look at her I feel at home, she’s my world.

With every issue and flaw I have she loves me unconditionally. I think I'm the luckiest dog in the world. The past 9 years have been the greatest time I could ever ask for, I just hope she feels the same. She cuddles me as much as she can, we’re always together sometimes i think it suffocates her. I see her when she holds me, how she looks at me with such love, yet there’s some sadness behind those brown eyes. I hear her lightly crying at night how she doesn’t want me to ever leave her, how she wishes she could keep me forever, until it’s her time too. I wonder if humans too die at some point? I’m not sure if I even want to know. What will life be like for her without me, will she find someone else to love like she loves me? It’s too much to think about and I think some things are best left unanswered.

I love my human, how she smiles when she holds me, how she tells me how I’m the handsomest little man, she also calls me her little sugar plum. How I love her, and how I know she loves me. She has another dog though. His name is Bradley, she says he's my brother but we look nothing alike. I can't stand him he takes time away from her and I. Though, I hope he helps her heal when I’m gone. So I guess he's okay. She says I’m her baby, how the world will never be the same without me, I think she thinks about it too much. I’m still here, I also never want to leave. My world wouldn’t be the same without her. My humans mom says I’d die if she left me, I think she’s right. I live for her, I want her to be happy forever. Her energy lights up every room. People want to be around her as I always do. Every ounce of my being loves her. Love doesn’t even feel like the right word to describe how I feel for my human. She is like oxygen. I need her, I wonder if she feels the same about me. She tells me I keep her going, how I brightened up her life. What nobody else sees is how draining I am on her, I take all her time and energy. She says how I’m perfect yet I can't help but think I burden her. I’m special, she says but I think I'm just a hassle. She could be so far in life, that sparkle in her eyes fades a little each day. Wouldn’t it be better if I wasn't her dog, or here at all? She’s always so stressed, her mom too. The whole family seems so overwhelmed most of the time. I wonder why, is it my fault? She says I'm the best boy and the greatest thing to ever happen to her. I believe her, I think, I just wonder sometimes if I’m the problem in all their lives.. It’s too much to dwell on, all I know is I love my life with my family, I love my human and I know deep down she truly loves me.