Soul Cries

“Are you there, God? It’s me, um Li-.”

Stumbling over my words, I paused hearing nothing but the sound of a leaky faucet. Drip! Drip! Drip! Looking up at the heavens, a stubbly popcorn ceiling obstructing my view, I could not believe I was going to address God using my alias. Would he answer my prayers, give me some sort of answers under my alias? If we are one and the same would it not matter which name I used? Maybe it mattered to me because each ego, Lily and my real self seemed to have different personas - one way different from the other.

Maybe Lily didn’t deserve to have her prayer answered. Lily is bitter, a shell of a woman, incapable of caring. She would do anything to survive. Matter of fact anything she had done had been in the name of survival. Recalling the moment Lily was created, she remembered the man that took her off the streets. The man that promised a meal, warmth, and to never need for nothing. Taking the man’s hand, leading into a van was the moment that changed her life forever.

Little did she know she took the devil’s hand, unleashing Lily, a slave to the dollar, a servant of the underworld. I think Lily needs to take a back seat, far from my frontal lobe, to make way for my true self, my inner core so that God would hear me.

Quieting my thoughts, I postured myself, sitting up against the bathtub. Looking around I spotted a towel sloppily handing over the towel rack. Standing up, I snatched the towel and quickly put it around my body, as if God wouldn’t know what I had hidden underneath. Sinking to my knees, I took one last look around. I closed my eyes and bowed my head.

“Are you there, God? It’s me, Jamila. It has been a while since we spoke, well since I’ve called out to you. It would seem that I have gotten myself into trouble that I can’t seem to get myself out of. I don’t know what I should do, dear Lord. Do I really deserve to be trapped, in here, by these captives? I don’t know where I went wrong. How did my life end up here? I never should have left home. God, if you get me out of this I will leave Lily in the dust. She will be no more. I promise. I’ll b-”

Bang! Bang! The sound of fist banging on the door interrupted my prayer. A deep hollow voice came roaring from the other side of the door.

“You have five minutes. You are the next one in line.”

“What is happening?!”

“Don’t worry yourself about that.”

Raising my head up, I couldn’t help thinking how dare he tell me not to worry about it. As I stared at the toilet across from me I noticed something shiny, sticking behind that back of the toilet. Scooting closer, reaching back behind the toilet, I pulled out a piece of broken mirror. Staring at it, laying flat against my palm I began to shake. A sinister thought entered my mind.

“God, is this really what you want me to do? To take a life to save my own?”

Thinking of no other way out, I prepare myself to attack, crouching down with the glass shard next to the wall where that door would child me from his view. I crouched down, waiting for the moment he would open the door and enter trying to find me. At that point I would have to be ready to attack him, stabbing him in the jugular.

Smash! The sound of broken glass, a force that seemed to knock me on my bottom, came from the other side of the door. The smashing sound was followed by a repeated banging noise. Once the banging stopped I could hear people shouting on the other side of the door. Suddenly, the door flung open with a powerful force. My reflex extended my foot, stopping the door. I saw a woman in all black holding a weapon. I was in complete and utter shock. For a moment, I couldn’t hear anything. She locked on to my eyes as she knelt down.

At first, I could only see her lips moving, producing no sound. In a monument of clarity, I heard the words.

“You okay. You’re safe now.”

My heart was beating so loudly it was as if I was holding it in my hands, feeling every pulse.

“I’m Officer Valencia. Can you please put down the shard?”

Looking at my hands, I began feeling the blood drip between my fingers. Slowly, I put the bloody glass piece on the ground next to me. Helping me to my feet, she led me out of the bathroom into a scene of chaotic justice. Evidence of smoke bombs filled the air. Through the smoke I could make out several women being let out of cages that I was once held in. The place was swarming with officers. Following the female officer I was led to freedom. On my path, I saw my assailants laying face down with their hands cuffed behind their backs.

I stopped in my tracks, placing the side of my foot against one of my assailants’ faces. Bracing myself to use his face as a makeshift soccer ball, a hand on my shoulder delayed my kick.

“We got him. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

Kicking my leg back, I intentionally kicked, missing his head, placing my foot on the other side of his head. The sight of him flinching was satisfying. Looking back at the officer I saw a crooked smile on her face. I gave her a reassuring nod and continued to follow her out.

Crossing the threshold the sun warmed my skin. As I stood there surrounded by officers moving in and out of the building, I closed my eyes tilting my head back towards the sky. I wondered if I would have survived trying to stab one of my assailants and trying to flee. I thanked God I didn’t have to find out.

“Thank you, God!”