A place to grow

(contains references to child abuse)

The summer air was filled with the smell of cut grass drying in the sun. Rhea loved this smell as much as she loved the warm summer sun on her skin. It felt like a warm hug but without the dangerous closeness of a real person.

Turning around she stopped to compare where she had come from and where she was heading to. Despite the abundance of the healthy green leaves and the strong unyielding tree trunks the forest behind her promised constraint. Whereas she was headed toward Metter. The village nearest to her home with simple straw roofs and roads, which weren’t paved but only roughly fixed with rubble. Compared to the living luscious green the village couldn’t hold a candle but to Rhea it meant freedom.

Going to Metter was the only task she was allowed to do without her mother or Ide accompanying her. Once a week in the summer. Once every fortnight in spring or autumn. Once every month in winter. If the weather allowed it.

Now the roofs were visible, and she could switch from the simple trail to the main road leading to the village. Before heading straight down the road she checked that her clothes were in place. Adjusting the coin purse on her belt as well as tightening the leather strap around her topknot she was finally ready to head into the village.

The farmers and their helpers were greeting her when she passed them and just like the weeks before she reciprocated.

“The young one’s passed! Time for lunch!”

A gentle smile tucked at Rhea’s lips, and she liked the feeling of warmth spread through her. Here she mattered. Here they recognized her. Even if it was just for keeping track of time.

Entering the village she politely greeted the single watchman. The first time she had been scared to pass him. His imposing figure made him just perfect to guarding the gate. His face was red and Rhea could see some pearls of sweat making their way from under the brimmed helmet.

“You’re not warm, lad?”

“No. It’s light fabric.”

“Light fabric, huh?! You know what would be even lighter?”

“No? What?”

“Getting rid of those long sleeves! Damn, I wish I could. Why would you walk around like that in this heat?!”

“It’s really not that bad. But do you want me to bring you some water?”

The shirt was indeed not too warm but the tight undershirt, which her mother made her wear, was starting to itch with sweat seeping into it.

“Would appreciate it. Are you headed to Master Grocer?”

“Yes. Mother gave me a list.”

“Ah, a list. Forgot, you can read. Well, here you have a coin. Make sure that the water is fresh and cold.”

Politely Rhea accepted the coin and headed to one store she was allowed to go. There were only a few other shops, a carpenter, a shoemaker and a baker which had their stores around the marketplace as well. But she had no business there. But the bakery’s smell was always alluring and once she had almost taken a step into the shop.

No use thinking about it. Mother would know. She always knows.

Instead, she found her way to Master Grocer. Opening the door to the shop she was greeted with the cheerful chime of the bell. This time she couldn’t hide her smile. The sound was high but not uncomfortable and it reminded her of the wind chimes her mother had hung once when she was younger. The design had been colorful and Rhea had been mesmerized by its way of swaying in the wind and the soft sounds it made. But only after a few days they had been gone. She hadn’t dared to ask her mother about them.

“How can I help the young lad this week?”

The grocer looked up from a book, which was lying on the counter in front of him. He was a thin man, almost bony. But he had a weird belly. It stuck out like a ripe watermelon. Rhea felt her fingers itch to ask him if she could check his pulse. But her mother’s words were an everlasting warning in her ears. So, with the feeling of disappointment she suppressed the urge and instead put on a bright smile.

“My mother sends her regards. This is what we need this week.”

Rhea didn’t know if her mother had ever been in Metter, but Master Grocer always accepted her regards and sent them back. It felt useless to relay such a message to her mother, but it was a strange ritual for grown-ups which she didn’t understand.

After reading the list the man set in motion looking through the shelves behind him, bringing this and that in packages and jars, bundles and wrappings. He was humming while doing so. Rhea didn’t know the song but liked the melody. It was a new melody each week and she wondered how many songs the grocer knew. She didn’t know any of them.

The pile grew and Rhea could already feel the pain in her back. The barely healed lashes would make it even more uncomfortable carrying them back in her bag.

“So, that’s it, lad. We’ve got everything here. The usuals and a few extras. But …”

Blinking slowly Rhea looked at the grocer, trying to look confident. There was no point in letting a businessman know that she was desperate to buy a certain item. She had read about that rule.

“This. I’m not quite sure what your mother wants. Is it the powder or the root?”

Rhea looked at her mother’s handwriting which always looked different on the shopping lists than on the many notes written at home.

“It’s the root.”

“Well, then I have to send you away empty handed.”

“What about the powder?”

Her quick question elicited a short but cheerful chuckle from the grocer. But despite his friendly demeanor Rhea couldn’t relax until she knew how to get the root.

“You need to go to Mistress Pomata. She might have them.”

“Mistress Pomata?”

Rhea had never heard this name before.

“She’s our village’s … hm … herbalist. She might have the root.”

Now the panic grabbed her insides with icy fingers. This meant a detour. This meant she would be home later. This meant she had to talk to a stranger. And an herbalist at that.

Mother won’t approve. Mother will know. For sure.

The shock must have shown on her face as the grocer lightly patted Rhea’s shoulder which made her flinch and retreat a few steps. Not so much as taking a defensive position but making sure that he wouldn’t be able to easily grab her. An awkward silence hung in the air and Rhea didn’t like the eyes filled with concern looking at her.

“Thank you. Hm … then … I will need to pay for this first. How much is it?”

Putting in as much confidence as she could muster, she flashed another smile at the grocer which usually worked but today there was just a frown and a small shake of the head. It looked like he wanted to say something, and Rhea observed every muscle moving in his face to predict what was coming next. But in the end, he just sighed and told her the price.

“Well, that’s too much.”

Forgotten was the uncomfortable silence. This was what she had practiced. This was what she knew despite her age. The man’s eyebrows rose and the pity in his eyes disappeared.

“Can’t really go lower. You’ve quite a lot of expensive products there today.”

“But I’m here every week.”

“Yeah, but so do many customers. I can’t go lower.”

“Other customers might come regularly but we’re buying not only the regular produce. As you said, there are some expensive products.”

The old man hesitated and Rhea tried it again with her smile, this time more mischievous. “One silver and three copper coins. And …”

She let him hang there for a bit and he took the bait.

“What else could you offer me? You don’t sell anything.”

“I don’t. But I bring customers. Master Gilan sent me with an errand. If you let me buy it for one silver and two copper coins, I’ll bring you his business.”

The frown returned to Master Grocer’s forehead and finally he nodded. For a second, forgetting that she had to hurry, a broad smile made her look the eight-year-old she was. Grabbing the change for her purchase she left the shop victoriously.

With a heavy feeling in her stomach and the canister of water she promised Master Gilan in her hand, she headed towards the guard post. Her bag was filled to the brim, some of the boxes pressed uncomfortably into the sensitive parts of her skin. It would be a mess to remove the sweat and blood-soaked undershirt later. Down the road she could already see the guard post shimmering in the hot afternoon sun.

I will be lucky if there is a later. Better find this Mistress Pomata.

“Thanks lad. That’s exactly what I needed. Here, your reward.”

Master Gilan pressed two copper coins in her hand and for a short moment her eyes shone with pride. A successful business deal.

When she hesitated to get on her way the guard looked at her with his eyebrows raised.

“Need something, lad? I can’t give you more. They don’t pay me that much.”

“No. I … I would …”

It had never been so difficult to ask for information. She felt stuck. If she came back without the root she would surely be punished. But if her mother found out she had frequented another business, she would be punished as well.

“Breathe, lad. If it’s not money, I’ll do my best to help.”

Taking a deep breath, she made her decision. Her hands were still shaking but she balled them into fists, finding some kind of grounding in this movement.

“I’m looking for Mistress Pomata. Could you tell me the way?”

The guard blinked a few times, his eyes big as saucers and then he erupted in loud laughter. Laughter in this form she had never heard before. It sounded genuinely amused and there were even tears visible in his eyes. Rhea tried a shy smile but didn’t understand the reason for the joyous outburst.

“The way you squirmed, I thought you want me to rob the grocer with you. Don’t look so shocked. Mistress Pomata is living … wait …”

The surroundings were so familiar that Rhea wasn’t sure that she hadn’t stepped in her mother’s laboratory. After having knocked she had entered the dimly lit shop. There were drying herbs hanging from the ceiling and to Rhea’s surprise there was a big fan in the middle, turning slowly but steadily.

What a curious idea! I wonder how it is turned. Is there a mechanism? I wonder who built it.

“Never seen you before. Kids play outside. Get out!”

The person, which she assumed was Mistress Pomata, turned around and involuntarily Rhea took a step back when she saw the left side of the woman’s face riddled with scars and pustules. Her eyes seemed unfocused. White irises with only a small bit of brown left looking in her direction. The herbalist was taller than the grocer but even thinner. Her head was covered with a grey scarf and Rhea understood why she hadn’t recognized her before. In the dimly lit shop, she could just blend into the surroundings with her spindly figure and dark clothes.

“Out! I said out!”

Realizing she had been staring without saying a word, the girl cleared her throat, fixing her posture despite the sharp pain running up her spine. One of the boxes had turned and its corner was poking into her tender flesh.

“Master Grocer sends me. I’m on an errand.”

As expected, hearing another adult’s recommendation pacified the woman immediately. Her eyes still sharp, her posture still hostile, she looked down on her long nose scrutinizing Rhea.

Don’t smile. A smile won’t help here.

“What’s he sending you for? Don’t look like you’d run errands for him.”

“Oh, I’m not running an errand for the Master. I’m in the village to buy something for my mother.”

There was another uncomfortable silence and Rhea just wanted to fill it. But the rules said in situations like these who broke the silence first was the weaker party. Trying to hold eye contact she stared into the almost white irises.

“Your mother, huh? What does she need? I ran out of contraceptive pills just a few days ago. The tincture for cough isn’t done either. Summer might be productive but I’m only one person.”

Rhea lost the fight against the grin which was accompanied by her body relaxing. A business conversation she could handle.

“My mother is looking for a specific root. Master Grocer said you might have it.”

“A root? Just a root? Not medicine? Not a salve?”

“No, Mistress. Just a root. I …”

Without thinking Rhea pulled out the paper. The woman’s expression soured immediately when she heard the paper rustling.

“Can’t read. So can’t help you.”

The herbalist turned around, almost melting into the backdrop of her shop and panic engulfed Rhea.

“No, no. It’s … hm, Mistress Pomata, please.”

The girl was seconds before grasping for Mistress Pomata’s hands. She had already spent far too much time in the shop. If she came home late and without the root, she wouldn’t be able to leave the house until autumn.

The woman didn’t move or react in any way. It felt as if time had stopped while Rhea waited. Her thoughts were racing.

What can I do? I need the root. I could check the drawers myself. No, no. That’s not proper behavior. Mother wouldn’t like that.

To her surprise the older woman suddenly just sighed and turned back to face the child. Rubbing over her face with the long spindly fingers Rhea drew hope again. Her racing heart slowed down a bit, but her mouth was so dry that she couldn’t stop trying to swallow.

“I’m sorry child. It’s … a … sore spot. But I can’t help you if you don’t know the root.”

“I do. I do. So, please. Could you help me out?”

Another sigh followed by the wave of her hand, motioning Rhea to follow her to the huge shelf. The girl saw that none of the drawers had labels.

Quite dangerous. How can she know which herb is in which drawer?

“So, what are you looking for, child?”

“The Grumpkan root. It’s used to stop bleeding. Right now, it’s its season, so mother was hoping that Master Grocer had it in store.”

The moment the woman had heard the name of the root she had started opening the different drawers. During Rhea’s explanation she had stopped and turned around again. White eyes trying to focus on the child in front of her, looking slightly too far to the right.

“You know a lot for such a young thing. Your mother as well.”

“I … hm … my mother teaches me. I don’t know as much as she does.”

That comment just provoked a dry laugh. Then the woman put a dry, slightly shriveled up root on the table. Despite the lack of light Rhea immediately knew it was the right root, and her heart found its calm rhythm again.

“I bet, little one. But you still know more than most in the village. What else can you tell me about this root?”

This question was like a lever being lifted. The information poured out of the small mouth while a smile stretched the thin lips of the adult. Just after Rhea had finished, she pressed her hands over her mouth.

Don’t talk too much. Especially to strangers. Don’t let anyone know what you know.

“Impressive. Now I know who you are. You’re the little one from the witch in the woods.”

“Witch in the woods?”

Rhea had never heard people talk about her mother like that. Thinking of a witch Rhea imagined someone looking like the woman in front of her instead of her mother.

“Take the root. It’s for free. You amused me today.”

Not believing her luck, Rhea grabbed the ingredient and placed it carefully into her pocket. Then she bowed politely and thanked the herbalist. The smile on the adult’s lips had lingered and after the proper farewell her whole face lit up.

“Be on your way, little one. I guess your mother will be worried if you stay too long.”

Not worried. That’s definitely not what she’ll be.

Rhea thanked the woman again and turned to leave. The weight in her stomach had completely disappeared. Instead, her feet only slowly found their way towards the door. It was different from her mother’s laboratory and by the look of it there was a lot to discover. She had reached the door, when she felt a hand on her shoulders. Quickly, she ducked away, bringing distance between her and the warmth. Just like the grocer, the woman’s face immediately twisted, a frown furrowing the forehead.

“No need to worry, child. I just remembered, if Master Grocer ever runs out of herbs. Just drop by. Knowing a lot is a good start, but healing and helping people get easier when knowledge is shared. I hope to see you again.”