Loverboy

Trigger warning-substance abuse, physical violence,self harm .

As I step into the light I see the fire burn, the ashes bright in the dark moonlight. I could see her dimpled smile on the other side of the campfire. She was holding a cigarette with her plump lips, locking eyes with me. My stomach drops when I’m with her. I don’t feel like a man yet. She knows how to make me feel like one. She comes up to me and holds my hand and tells me how much I make her feel like a pretty lady, with her other hand holding a forty-ounce of beer. She continues to tell me how this is the best decision she ever made. I feel guilt in my heart as she holds me close, falling asleep on this hard cold grass. She deserves more than this—big house, fast cars, and luxurious clothes. That’s the life she wanted and had before she got to know me. I love her, I really do, but as I feel and stare at her throughout the night I feel shame. I can’t give her more than just a couple cigarettes and beer I stole from the gas station. I just don’t understand because she is always smiling… smiling at me… and laughing, always reminding me there’s never a dull moment with me. My heart always skips a beat. I never had social skills, especially with a pretty girl like her. I honestly get more nervous, stomach full of butterflies, but it goes away. She makes it so easy for us to start a conversation when I don’t know how. I always end up teaching her something and she stares at my heart with googly eyes like I’m some god with all the forbidden knowledge. Maybe she really believes in me and what I have to say, and I never had that. It’s hard for me to express the love I have for her, but she makes it so easy for me when she holds my hand, kisses me, and the way she hugs me… like if it’s the last time we will ever see each other again. She is not religious but she’s always praying for us that this is her destiny and that in any other timeline it’s us together. Falling in love with her feels so good and sh*tty at the same time. She deserves more than a cold floor.

I finally close my eyes, falling into a deep sleep from the alcohol. The bottle drops from my hand, making a loud click-clack-thump, hitting Maya’s opened forty-ounce and spilling all over her bag filled with clothes. I start to dream, and the alcohol made it clear and visual. She was running towards her dead friend, but as she got closer her friend Lena would get farther away. Running towards me with a frightened look on her face, she’s speaking to me but I can’t quite tell what she’s saying besides my name. She finally reaches to me with her hand out, finger pointing right at me.

Caleb… Caleb… Caleb!

Water splashing my face. I wake up from a deep shock, gasping for air. Opening my eyes to the big bright sun facing low in the east, it takes me a minute to get my vision back. The first thing I see is Maya standing above me with the bowl she used to dump the water on my face. Maya’s hands are crossed with her left foot tapping on the hard prickly cold grass. Maya starts to laugh from the way I fumbled to get up.

“Get up lover boy, we need to head into town and find a laundry mat to wash my clothes. They are wet and sticky smelling like your peach vodka bottle,” Maya says.

I look at her with shame…

“It’s okay lover boy, we need to wash our clothes anyways. You look really hungover. Let’s scrape up some cash to get some alcohol. I’m getting shaky,” she says with a concerned, loving face.

Never a dull moment with her. She holds my hand as we walk. Maya speaks and I listen, but I’m not really listening. I’m still focused on the shame and guilt I feel, but she just keeps smiling at me and I just smile back.

“You know my grandparents made me an account when I was born with five hundred thousand that grows over time with interest. They set it up to where I can only pull it out until I’m twenty-one.”

That’s when I looked into her eyes and said,

“So is your grandpa the main benefactor of your family? Five hundred thousand is a lot of money!” I said, enamored by her statement.

She smirked and looked away toward the bright green dark forest.

“He is not a good man, Caleb… it’s what made him rich and our whole family is in on it.” Maya stopped herself from saying more.

I was confused and wanted to ask more questions, but she seemed distressed by the conversation. I let it go and gave her peace as we walked. She gives me so much. I could at least give her that… to be her peace.

As we got into town we started to head towards the local church. My hands started to shake, my body filled with anxiety. I haven’t been to church since I was twelve doing community service for pot.

“Will the pastor remember me?” I said to myself.

The people in this community were very judgmental and I was definitely an outcast.

“So why are we here… are we going inside… I don’t want to go inside,” I said, spazzing out.

“Calm down. I just came here to see a friend that could help us with some money,” she replied in a harsh way.

She waited until the father’s benediction was over. Everyone in the church got up and started mingling with each other. Maya started to walk inside the church down the aisle toward a specific person… a guy…

My heart stopped a beat. My stomach sank, filled with jealousy. I started to wish I was in the church with her, fantasizing us telling everyone that greeted her on the way in that we were in a relationship, especially that guy…

Only watching them through the window, her back was facing towards me. As they talked you could tell he was amorous towards Maya, the way he smiled and stared into her soul. You would assume they were in love. Maya said something to him that made him look out the window. He locked eyes with me with a frown. I stood frozen, analyzing how handsome he really was. He reaches for his wallet, grabs a wad, and hands it to Maya.

They hug each other and split off in different directions. He walks up to the pastor and she walks down the aisle towards me. My heart was melting, full of drowsy questions that would make me sound like a true toxic a**hole.

Maya smiled and winked at me, holding my hand again, walking through the crowd of Christians.

“Tessa!!!” Maya screamed joyfully.

Oh great, she’s going to have us stop so she could talk with her friend Tessa, whoever the hell she is. I didn’t want to stop in the middle of this crowd, especially smelling like spilt alcohol.

Maya and Tessa give each other a hug.

“I haven’t seen you at the church in a while. Your whole family actually. Are you guys okay?”

“Family vacation…” she said nervously.

“Oooh… one of your grandpas dead, right?” Tessa replied.

Maya shrugged her on the shoulder and nodded towards me.

“I see…. Marcus, been wondering about you. Have you seen him yet?” Tessa replied while giving me a dirty look.

“I haven’t. Anyway we got to go. See you around!”

I thought the conversation between them was odd.

We finally leave the church. Twenty minutes into walking she grabs the wad and puts it in my pocket and points to a gas station.

“Inside there’s a liquor store on the other side. Go get us more drink, lover boy.” She smacks my a** and I giddy up inside.

I pull out the wad to pay and I couldn’t believe how many fifties and hundreds there were. F**k it, I’ll get some more. Why would she give me the whole wad? I filled up my backpack. I walk outside and Maya was gone.

“Ahh!” A loud scream behind me. It was Tessa.

Haha. She laughs and grabs my bag.

“Holy crap, you filled it up!” She continues to laugh.

“I knew I picked the right guy!”

“Maya, is Marcus like your ex? He gave you a lot of money and it seems like people at church know about you two.”

She hesitated to answer the question. She continued to open up a shooter.

“Marcus is just a family friend. We go way back to when we were kids, always going to church together. You could say he owes me one and I came to collect. Besides, the money is yours. I want you to have it.”

She looked at me and seen the frown on my face. Before I could reply back she grabbed my hand, passing one of the shooters, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

“Let’s get a hotel room. Enjoy a night indoors, sleep on a cozy bed tonight, wash our clothes while taking a bath. We are starting to stink, lover boy,” she mentions.

“I’m going to fix my life, Maya. I’m very lucky to have you. I hate being unreliable when it comes to money. I want to give you what you always had and more. I don’t want you living like this anymore,” I replied in a frustrated, sad tone.

I never had motivation before I met her. Maybe it wasn’t her but Marcus. The way he carries himself full of light and gold. The way he carries Maya full of light and gold. I wanted to be that.

We reach the hotel. The doors open automatically.

“Welcome to Summerday Inn. Do you have a reservation?” the clerk speaks with enthusiasm.

“We don’t. How much for a night?”

“A hundred for a night and a hundred deposit if you are paying with cash.”

I pull out the wad.

“Wow! Should I set you up for a week? I’ll even add a discount,” the clerk assumed, looking at us like we are just a pair of bums that got lucky on a lottery ticket.

“No, no. One night will be fine,” Maya interrupting the clerk.

I thought it was odd but I agreed and handed over the cash. Maybe she wanted me to save the money for more liquor or food? We had more than enough to get the hotel for a week and commodities of such. I trust Maya though. She’s the one that always had money after all. The clerk gives us the key card and a big relief came over me.

My shoulders. I had my drinks, a place to get clean and sleep. I was excited to enjoy this night with Maya. She opens our room door and quickly started to undress herself. She turns around and says,

“C’mon, what are you waiting for?”

I was a little embarrassed watching her take off her clothes. It got me aroused, but I followed her orders and started taking mine off. I grab a couple more shooters from the bag and follow her to the bathroom. Maya turns on the shower head and gets in the tub. The water coming down from her body was filthy and so was mine. She starts to put soap on me. Her hands felt soft. I haven’t got this kind of treatment in a while. We started to kiss and my mind ran wild. My heartbeat was pulsating through hers. Maya would clench the bars until I finished… now I really need to get my life together.

At this point I was drunk and ready to go to bed, but Maya was full of energy, dancing and laughing, singing to songs I never heard of, until I couldn’t handle the drowsiness anymore.

“It’s okay, lover boy. I’ll wake you up when our clothes are ready so we can get some food,” Maya shuttered to tell me.

I close my eyes and the room went silent.

After a while I wake up on my own and see Maya standing at the wall.

“Not yet, lover boy… almost done.” She hands me a shooter. I take it and close my eyes again. I felt so bliss.

Crack! Thump! Thump! Thump!

I open my eyes again and see Maya bleeding from her head. I didn’t have time to react. The broken glass bottle was already inside me, bleeding out.

“Why?” I said.

“I’m sorry, Caleb. Nobody’s going to believe you if you survive this. I needed someone to frame for Lena’s murder. I’ll say you attacked me and confessed for her murder.” She started to cry. “My grandfather made me do it.”

I look out the window to see the moon one last time. Marcus was in the parking lot… lights out.