The World Disappeared

Three days have passed. Three days with the weight of my life slowly lifting as the unknown settles into its place. I had picked up the phone. My parents, unaware of my reasons, gave me permission to move out as a temporary trial. It took all my will to get myself here, at my sister's, where a freedom I have long dreamed of began.

Today I wore my purple blouse, blue jeans, and white hi-top tennis shoes to school. I brought little with me when I left home. Normally, I would ride the bus, but I was now staying in the next town over. My brother-in-law dropped me off in his beat-up brown Gremlin at the main entrance. The air chilled me, and crimson and orange leaves scattered along the concrete as I pulled open the door.Familiar faces I have known for five years hurried through the halls, oblivious to my home life. Not even my friends could I tell, afraid they would see and treat me differently.

The first few classes drifted by like any normal Friday. I spent lunch sitting next to my two besties, with nothing to eat. They'd ask, and I just told them I got up late, no time to make anything.

“It’s probably why you look like a toothpick,” one said.

I just smiled and told them I would live, then got up and went outside to the smoking area. After lighting a cigarette, I strolled to the edge of the white line, enjoying being alone, and leaned against the brown-gray brick. I inhaled deeply and let the smoke escape through my nose, like opening the floodgates on water that had been straining against a dam. A snowflake fell, and the cold penetrated through my blue denim jacket. The sound of the bell interrupted my sense of peace. 

It reached the sixth hour. Science, where the monotone voice of the teacher made my eyelids heavy, wanting to drift off to sleep. I was almost at the stage of resting my head down on my crossed arms.

“Karisa, please come to the office,” blared through the school’s speaker.

I sprang to full awareness, and as I gathered the textbook, all eyes were on me. I forced myself to walk naturally, unwilling to let them see the uncertainty churning within me. The office was at the opposite end of the building.

The corridor seemed to stretch for miles. Every step felt like climbing a mountain. I passed Room 12, the art room. Last year's ribbon still hung inside the display case. For a moment, I wondered if they wanted me back for this year's competition. I slowed as more questions flooded my mind.

I have done nothing. Maybe a teacher saw me smoking? I am underage. I did stand up to that bully in gym class, but that was months ago. Maybe it's something good… but what?

The cold metal office door was soon within my grasp. A knot deepened in my gut, making me pause before I pushed. The door was rarely closed.

Just go in, Karisa.

I gave it all my weight. Two strangers dressed in dark blue stood next to Mrs. Winkler, the school counselor. I froze, my eye settling on the woman officer’s shoulder patch. The words on the patch blurred before I could read them. The counselor gestured for me to step in.  My heart felt as if it were in my throat. What did I do wrong?

The woman officer stepped toward me, gave me a smile, and took my quivering hands. “I am Deputy Sarine; you have done nothing wrong. We are here to ask you a few questions.”

All I could muster was an “Okay.”

The room tilted and dimmed when the male officer's voice reached my ears. “Your brother-in-law reported that your father has been abusing you.”

My breath caught as he asked if that was true. My gaze fell to the dull orange carpet as my shoulders sagged. A numbness washed over me, stealing any word that wanted to come. 

One of Deputy Sarine's hands released mine while the other tightened gently. She reached up, guiding my gaze from the carpet until her face came into focus.

“I know this is hard. Take your time. We only need a yes or no,” she said.

I swallowed hard, blinking the moisture from my eyes.

What will happen to me if I confess? My father’s threatening voice swept in. If you tell anyone, you will lose your home… your family… everything you love.

No! He cannot win. Just say the word.

My shaking hand rose and wiped the tear from my cheek. I inhaled and tightened my jaw.

“Yes!”

Arms wrapped around me, warming my chest as I felt my knees give under my weight. The next thing I remember is sitting on the cold, hard plastic seat, being asked if I had anyone I could stay with.

The truth escaped. All I wanted was out, not to announce to the world. All I wanted to do now was shrink into a corner, tuck myself away, and be alone. But there’s no going back now. My chest moved in and out, my throat drying.   

I looked up at blurred faces. “My mother,” I muttered.

A harsh, deep voice broke through the haze.

“I am sorry; your mother is with your father. You cannot return home.”

My throat tightened. I coughed deeply and gasped for air.

Why? Mother, why? Can’t you believe me?

She tucked me in when I was younger.

Kissed me on the forehead.

Tried to stop Father when fifty lashings were not enough.

She was supposed to protect me.

Black specks danced across my vision, then a crushing blow hit my chest. My fingers curled, fingernails digging into my palms.

Where did my mother go?

The woman beside my father wore my mother's face, but the mother I knew had disappeared.

I pressed my palms against my burning eyes.

My mother is dead. Replaced by someone I do not know.