A Modern Ghost Story

“Hey Teddy long time no see! How was the break? You have a good time down the shore with the wife?”

“Ah hey Chris, yeah no it was fun, got to see my niece’s family and check out a bunch of desolate graveyards Abby found on Boostagram. All good stuff but I wish we took more time to kick our whisps up and just chill, you know? Feels like I need a vacation from my vacation.”

“I hear you, last year on our trip to Romania all I wanted to do was hover around the eerie mists but nooo. My Bonnie had to go see the two dozen abandoned orphanages she saw on TikHaunt. Ain’t no rest for the wicked, but glad to have you back. Oh! Before I forget, Megan wanted to see you once you were settled.”

“Thanks for the heads up, I’ll head on over.”

Teddy floated over rows of cubicles, exchanging unpleasantries with his third-floor colleagues en route to check in with the boss. “Senior Apparitions Director, Phantor Corp” announced the sleek plaque adorning the entrance to Megan’s corner office. Another sign hung below, requesting visitors to “Announce your presence when the door is closed.” Teddy sent a mild vibration through the walls.

“Come in.”

Megan didn’t become the youngest Senior Director in company history through luck or nebootism. She worked like a man possessed to hit the department’s possession goals, not to mention growing terror output by fifty percent in the last two quarters. Visitors to her office found their pressing concerns taking a backseat to the urgent matters on Megan’s computer and were left in limbo while she finished up her task at whisp. Teddy recalled waiting two hours one day for his boss to acknowledge his presence. The clock struck seven before she looked up from the screen and welcomed him to the meeting she scheduled for four.

Because of that instance and countless others like it, Teddy was shocked to see the desk empty and Megan gazing pensively out of the bay window, nursing a glass of whiskey. He never knew her to be a drinker, especially not during working hours, but the Macallan 18 Year Scary Oak Cask the firm gave to new executives sat open on the floor.

“Uh hey Megan, you wanted to see me?”

She turned away from the spirit to face her loyal employee. Bloodshot eyes bore into Teddy’s as the Senior Director stared at the man intently. Her gaze shone with desperation, like she wanted to commit his visage to memory before it was too late.

“Ah ha ha… boss you’re freaking me out a bit over here.”

A soft smile broke through her determined expression.

“That’s very nice of you to say Tedward…”

Megan reached down to pull a second glass out of her drawer. She poured a generous amount of the Macallan and slid it across the table.

“Wow thanks. What are we celebrating?”

The soft smile dropped.

 “Unfortunately, our topic of conversation is rather serious today. Dreadful, even.”

“My dread numbers? I don’t understand I have the second highest dread production on the team. It was in Kevin’s metrics email this morning, did you get it?”

“Yes, yes, you’ve done very well there, but it doesn’t matter. None of it does anymore. I was informed this morning the company is shuttering our division, effective immediately.”

“What?! How?? Are you… oh ha ha very funny Megan. You’re bored of the administrative stuff and wanted to get back to your roots by giving me a fright, well done you’ve still got it that’s for sure…”

“I wish, I really do, but I’m afraid we won’t be making anyone else afraid after today. Our CEO Casper will announce this afternoon Phantor is laying off eighty percent of the company, including everyone on this floor.”

“Seriously? But why? We had record fright output last quarter! Our shock price is at an all-time high! How does that turn into exorcising over twelve hundred spirits?”

“An activist investor on the board has been raising hell for a few years about our operating expenses, saying our cost per goods shocked is far too high for our scareholders to ever realize the value of their investment. Casper held him off for a while, but more board members came around to the activist’s screeching. He had to appease them by bringing in a third-party to review the business.

“We hired Booston Consulting Group to analyze our frightening procedures and identify opportunities for efficiency improvements. The executives assumed that meant finding ways to decrease our terror turnaround times or implementing a new Scare as a Service platform in our tech stack.

“Instead, those consulting ghouls recommended replacing everybody with AI. ‘Ghost driven haunting is a thing of the past’ they said, ‘the future is agentic agony.’”

Glass slammed on the wood surface as Megan downed her drink in anger, taking a deep breath before refilling her cup and continuing.

“I should have seen this coming. I saw the announcement for BCG’s new partnership with ScareXAI two weeks ago. This was always going to be their solution, no matter how many screams we generated last quarter.”

“I can’t believe it… and our CEO just went with it?”

“Actually, he didn’t. Casper laughed at the MBooA pricks when they brought it up. But the activist investor heard double the panic for a quarter of the pay and rallied enough votes to get rid of our founder.”

“I can’t believe it… so that’s it? Casper’s out and almost every other ghost here is busted?”

“Not completely, everyone will receive a shockverence package. You’re getting five months pay and a year of healthscare.”

“I have a family to take care of for eternity! How is that supposed to hold us over? What do we boo?”

“My advice is to lay low for a while. This AI thing is possessing the industry right now, but we all know possessions aren’t forever. You may get a call in a month when Phantor’s getting more hallucinations from their models than their targets.”

“I guess… what about you? Are you going to be okay?”

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be all fright. I have a few paths I’ve always wanted to explore, and I may need some terribly reliable terrorizers to help me out. When I do, you’ll be my first call. Now go ahead on home, the parking lot’s going to be a nightmare once the rest of the company finds out.”

Teddy nodded and finished his drink before phasing out of the office. He floated into the elevator without bothering to pack up his cubicle. A chorus of shrieking began to build as Teddy traversed the building lobby, no doubt the outcries from the damned spirits learning their fate.

He glided out into the brisk air. Verbal assurances aside, Teddy’s mind filled with uncertainty. The uncertainty brought with it a constricting tension in Teddy’s midsection that only grew the more he dwelled on his unfortunate situation.

‘This must be fear.’

Ghosts rarely felt the terror they dealt out for a living. It was a strange and unpleasant experience. But Teddy savored it. He wanted to feel every bit of unpleasantness. He wanted to remember this sensation. He wanted to use it as motivation to get himself back in the game. So the next time he scared some unfortunate human senseless, he could appreciate the gift he was giving. So he never had to be on the receiving end of his work ever again.