The Bridge and the Broken Heart

It started the night he walked out on me.

We had been dating for three years now. The best three years of my life. We were the kind of couple to do everything together. We used to be inseparable.

But then one night he started yelling at me. Throwing stuff around and telling me to pick it up.

Next thing I know he’s packing his bags and cursing my name.

I was shocked, scared, and devastated.

I thought we would last. I thought we would get married. I thought we would start a family, grow old together, and die holding hands. I thought my daughter would have his skin and my eyes. I thought our son would have his hair and my face.

But that couldn’t happen now. Not with him gone.

I cursed his name that night. Then, I cried into my pillow. Afterwards, I ripped all of our photos apart. And then later desperately tried tapping them back together with crappy tape.

I eventually went to bed, cold and tear-stained, and wrapped myself in a blanket. My arm instinctively reached over, but fell onto the mattress where he should be, but isn’t.

That’s when I first heard him.

Hello dear.

The voice was coming from somewhere close, somewhere familiar. It was scratchy and deep, the kind of voice you want to stay away from. The kind of voice a killer in horror movies had.

“Hello? Who’s there?” I squeaked as I pulled the blanket over my head.

Your closest friend.

“What? Show yourself.”

I can’t.

“Why not? Where are you? How did you get in here?” I peeked over the blankets to find the same bedroom as before. No new figure standing by the nightstand or holding the closet door with bony, white fingers.

Let’s just say, I’m connected to you in a very special way.

“What do you want from me?”

I’m here to make your life better. You know, since he walked away. But first, get some rest. You have a long day ahead of you.

My legs were getting me out of bed before my brain woke up. They moved me to the bathroom and my hands started brushing my teeth. After, they went to work getting me dressed for the day.

I skipped breakfast, since something told me, maybe instinct, to not eat anything.

I was making breakfast for him when I suddenly remembered he left me.

Oh, honey. Don’t think about him.

The voice was back. This time it sounded like it was, inside me?

“But I miss him,” I said out loud as I looked at myself in the nearest mirror. The only thought that went through my mind was why didn’t he love me?

You won’t soon enough. Lets get started with our day, shall we?

Without another word, I opened the front door. The smell of fresh bread carried on from the bakery across the street. Red and orange leaves were falling off the trees, drizzling down onto me.

I thought about saying hi to the baker since we were good friends, but something inside me told me not to.

My legs started moving me towards the park. Dogs were barking, children were playing, moms were talking. It felt like a nice place to be. I eventually found a nice bench to sit at and overlook the lake. There was a small bridge connecting one side to the other.

Enjoy this moment.

“Why?” I asked the voice out loud. A few people around me looked my direction but went back to their normal conversation.

Because it’s something you don’t see every day.

“What if I don’t want to see it?” I remembered this was my favorite spot to go to with him. “I don’t like the memories.”

Well then, I have a surprise for you.

“What is it?”

It’s just a small favor to rid you of your pain.

Pain. I had forgotten all about it until now. Silent tears started rolling off my checks, staining my pink hoodie. My chest started to ache, and my heart felt like it was breaking all over again.

Jump off the bridge.

I looked over to the bridge standing tall above the water.

“Excuse me? I can’t do that. I’m not going to do that.”

Why not?

“I’m not going to die because a stupid guy broke my heart.”

By now, people around me were turning their heads. One lady came up to me and asked if I was okay. I responded with a yes, then went back to panicking after she left.

I decided to just head home and call it a day even though it was noon. At least when I’m sleeping I can’t hear the voice.

The next day, the wind was blowing and the rain was pouring down so hard I could barely see in front of me. Why was it a good idea to walk to the store in this down-pour? I guess it’s because I ran out of hot chocolate mix and I was craving it.

My hair was thrown left and right as my body tried it stay still. By the time I came inside the store, my hair looked like it was licked by a cow over and over again.

I walked down an aisle and traced the products with my hand. I finally caught sight of my usually mix, but an unfortunate person was there, holding what I wanted.

“Hey, you,” he said nervously when he saw me.

“‘Hey, you’ back,” I did that awkward pointing thing towards him. We spent a few minutes talking together and catching up. And never have I wanted to kiss him so badly in my life. But we broke up a week ago. And so did my heart again when we said our goodbyes.

I grabbed my hot chocolate mix, paid for it, ran home, and quickly made me a cup of hot chocolate. Before I knew it, I sat in front of the TV, nestled a tear-stained pajama set and thick blanket. I missed him so much.

So…

The stupid voice was back.

“Shut up! I don’t want to listen to you right now. Leave me alone! I’m in pain!” I told the voice.

But here me out. If you die, you won’t have to feel the pain anymore.

I shut up instead because that was a fair point. “But I still have so much to live for.”

Like what? More heartbreaks?

“Shut up.”

Debts and fines?

“Shut up!”

Everyone you love dying? Is it really worth it?

“SHUT UP!”

I brought the blanket up to my face and started crying harder.

Today felt like a good day, like one of those days were nothing could ruin it. My toast came out right, my curves were curving, and I didn’t have eye bags. The sun was shining too, which was always great in my book.

I debated going to the park or not, since I could stay at home and drink another hot chocolate. But in the end, I did.

I found the same park bench as the other day and sat down. One child came up to me and handed me an invisible smoothie asking me to try it. It was the best invisible smoothie I’ve had in a long time.

And to be honest, today was even better because I completely forgot about him. Until he should up, with another girl.

They arrived at the park holding hands. Then they stood under a tree giggling. After, he cupped her face and kissed her pink lips.

The sight shattered my heart, if it wasn’t already shattered. My veins were surging with anger and jealousy. I wanted to punch both of them in the face so badly. I wanted to rip their faces apart so they couldn’t kiss each other. Especially his. How did he move on so quickly? Maybe he had a side chick with him when we were together? It doesn’t matter now.

So… bridge?

“Shut up,” I reminded the voice as I stood up.

I took one last look of him eating her face and decided I couldn’t go on much further.

“You win this round.”

I ran up to the bridge and dove back first into the water, hoping it could break my spine and my nerves. Apparently, it worked, because I don’t remember anything after that.