Annual Review

“Yay.

Yay.

Yay.

Yay.

Yay.

Yay.

…..Nay.”

Angela placed the slips neatly back in the white, silk box.

“Oh, come on!!” said Ralph, exasperated.

“I just can’t do it!!” exclaimed Bernie.

“But why not!?” asked Ralph.

“I just don’t think we should be so quick to greenlight something like this just yet!”

“We’ll only get this one shot, Bernie,” said Sam. “Once this moment’s passed, who knows when he'll think about doing it again!”

“Well, I still think we shouldn’t be so quick to just...agree to it.”

“Bernie. Let’s just face it. They’ve screwed up,” said Ralph, as Bernie contemplated his words. “They’ve royally screwed up, and you know it. They’ve had years—years—to get it right, correct themselves, do better. And yet, it’s worse than it’s ever been.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty bad,” said Sam.

“Ha! ‘Pretty bad’?!?” said Ralph. “It’s an outright atrocity!! The killing, the raping and robbing, the using and abusing, the drug-dealing and war-starting! It’s like they’re constantly trying to think of new ways to torture each other. And they’re always so angry. They might as well be in---”

“Don’t say it,” Martha interjected.

“I mean, but we’re all thinking it! What makes it any different?!?”

“‘What makes it different?’” Bernie repeated. “Maybe that they also have lots of love.”

He let the word linger for a few moments before he continued.

“Love, peace, joy, people caring about each other—spending time with one another—clean and innocent fun things they do together, like sports, art, and countless other activities. I mean, there’s the innocent children, for crying out loud—”

“Who are almost guaranteed to grow up to be not-so-innocent adults,” huffed Ralph.

“Oh come on,” said Bernie. “But really, think about it. Are things any worse now than when they used to sit and watch each other’s hangings, burnings, and beheadings? Or when they all were bombing each other? Or darn, when they were freaking eating each other?!”

“I mean, no, maybe n—” started Ralph.

“And he didn’t do it then, so why now? And why us? Why do we have to be the ones to help him? Maybe… I don’t know—let the next group!”

“‘The next group’? If it's up to them, there might not be anything left to decide on by then!” said Ralph.

“I agree,” Angela chimed in.

Bernie sighed and then turned to Tyler. “Don’t you want to think a little more about this before making a rash decision?”

“Huh?” Tyler looked up, bewildered. “Oh, I’m just ready to get back to cloud surfing. So, whatever I have to do to make that happen…”

“Wow. Seriously?!” said Bernie.

“Yeah, I kinda also thought this would be a pretty quick, easy thing,” said Sarah. “Didn’t realize it’d take all day. I’m tired.”

“Oh stop it,” said Bernie. “You know that isn’t even possible here…”

“Well, if it were, I would be! As long as this is taking!!!”

“Wow, what’s wrong with you people?!?” exclaimed Bernie. “Aren’t we supposed to be good? In fact, actually among the most good?!”

“Umm yeah, down there,” said Sam. “No one said we had to still be all good, pure and innocent even once we got here. I mean, let’s face it: We made it!!!” He beamed.

“Yeah, I deprived myself long and hard enough down there,” said Ralph. “A little recklessness is deserved.”

“Oh my goodness, guys,” said Bernie. “How are you not more bothered by all of this? Or at least thinking twice about it?! Thinking about what it all means? I mean, do we even know how yet?! A flood? Massive earthquakes and hurricanes? Will everyone just suddenly turn on one another?! Like, how will it even happen?!?”

“That isn’t what we’re supposed to figure out,” said Tyler.

“But it seems like an important thing to take into consideration as we decide---”

“Why? If it’ll all be over?” said Sam. “Who cares how it ends?”

“I mean, but will people suffer?” asked Bernie. “Do we want people to suffer? Are we okay with that??”

“I hear what you’re saying,” said Martha, “But truthfully, that isn’t our concern.”

“I just think we should let it go to the next group, whenever this comes up—whenever he thinks about this—again.”

“But Bernie, don’t you want to be tied to something so great?” Sam exclaimed. “So legendary? I mean, think about it… We’d be the ones who singlehandedly ended it all. They’ll write songs and movies about us! Make plaques about us! Textbooks will remember us—crystalize our legacies!!!”

“But don’t you get it, Sam?” said Bernie. “THERE WILL BE NO SONGS AND NO MOVIES. NO PLAQUES TO PUT UP OR TEXTBOOKS TO LEARN FROM. THERE WILL BE NO ‘LEGACIES’, BECAUSE THERE WILL BE NO WORLD!!! That’s the whole point!! There will be nothing. Nothing. It will all be gone.”

The group sat and reflected on Bernie’s outcry for a moment.

“Okay, well then at least we’ll be legendary here,” finally said Sam.

Bernie let out a sigh even deeper than before, now exasperated.

“Martha. Don’t you still have a few great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandchildren down there!? Don’t you want them to continue to enjoy what life has left to offer, without us basically destroying that?”

“I mean… It’s not like I ever met them…” said Martha.

“And Sam.. You have tons of family and friends there you’re still connected with, including a young daughter. As a matter of fact…” Bernie paused as he pondered, “…You just got here yesterday—how were you even allowed to be a part of something like this?!”

“Hell if I know,” said Sam.

The group gasped.

“Oh. Sorry,” he followed. “That’ll take some getting used to…”

Bernie sighed. “I’m just saying. All of the lives. Even the animals’ lives—it wouldn’t be just the humans that’ll be coming to an end—”

“Oh, they’ll be fine,” said Ralph. “So many of their species have reported back on how torturous it is with the humans down there anyway. We’ll actually be doing them and the plants a favor.”

Bernie reflected further.

“Do we know where they’ll all go when it happens?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” asked Martha.

“I mean…” Bernie pointed around them and then downward.

“Oh, pfft,” said Ralph. “You know most are going south.”

“But, like, what’s ‘most’? 70%? 60?”

“They’ll be lucky if it’s 97,” said Ralph.

“Okay, so even if just 3% come here, that’s still a few hundred million! Literally overnight. Do we even have space for all of that?”

“I don’t think he would be considering this if we didn’t have space,” said Angela.

“And oh my gosh, I can’t even imagine how many would be going in the other direction,” said Bernie. “Six, seven billion?”

“Not our concern,” said Ralph.

“It kinda is, if they won’t fit!”

“They’ll fit. It might not be comfortable, but they’ll fit.”

Bernie sighed again. “It just seems like a big decision.”

“It is a big decision,” said Ralph. “That’s why he asked us to help him make it!”

“I mean, but… Isn’t it something he’d usually make on his own, in the past? Why involve us? Why now?!”

“Well, maybe he got tired of the weight of it,” said Sam. “Or maybe… Maybe…” Sam’s eyes narrowed as he looked around. “It’s a test!”

“Oh no,” said Martha. “I don’t think that’s what it is.”

“How do you know?” said Bernie. “How would any of us know? Maybe Sam’s right—isn’t he known for tests?!”

“I mean, yeah,” said Ralph. “But… Look, like Sam also said, maybe he just doesn’t want the weight of such a decision falling solely on him.”

“But.. That doesn’t make any sense. After all, he’s G—”

“We know who he is, Bernie.”

The group sat quiet again.

“Okay, I think we should vote again,” said Martha. “In case anyone’s secretly changed their mind.”

“No one’s secretly changed their mind!!” grumped Ralph. “We know the only fool here who's the odd apple!”

Martha looked over at Ralph. “That isn’t nice... Let’s just vote again.”

“Guys, this’ll be our last one,” said Tyler. “We actually only have… ten minutes left.”

***

“10…9….8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!”

The crowd cheered, hugged, and kissed as an enormous sparkling “2025” contraption lowered above them.

***

“So, what did you all decide?” the massive, light-beaming figure asked as he woke from his long nap.

“Sorry, sir, but we weren’t able to come to an agreement,” said Martha. “Six of us said yes, but a seventh voted no.”

The figure sighed.

“We’re really sorry, sir,” said Angela as they all looked at each other. “We really tried to come to a consensus!”

“No, no, it’s fine. Wouldn’t be the first time. Welp. I don’t know who was the seventh hold-out, but the humans can thank you for buying them another year...”