Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

It’s me again. Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve written to you. I wanted to tell you about something that happened today. I went to a festival. It wasn’t the Se festival, but it reminded me of it.

I wandered around for a bit and came across a small group of musicians playing in the open. The music was lively, and everyone was dancing and laughing like nothing else in the world mattered. There was a flute player who played with so much grace that it pulled me right back to the first time you took us to the Se festival.

That was right after the First Master’s War. Gramps’s death had left Mom so quiet, so heavy. You wanted to cheer her up, so you took us to that new festival instead.

I think I was about seven. I remember tugging on Mom’s hands, begging her to dance with me. She was hesitant, like she always was, until you pushed her gently into the circle while she was still holding onto me. She turned bright red, completely embarrassed, spinning us around in these awkward little circles. She was such a terrible dancer, Dad—it somehow made it better. She even made me a little sick with that ridiculous spinning thing she always does.

But she was happy. Truly happy. I hadn’t seen her smile or laugh like that in such a long time. I remember grabbing your hand so all three of us were dancing together, surrounded by clapping and laughter. Everyone was laughing at you and Mom for being such awful dancers. I still maintain I was the only one with any real rhythm in the family, even if my friends said otherwise.

Not long before that, you had taken over as Master after Gramps died in the war. The people of Lyra accepted you immediately. Mom always said you were next in line. You were everyone’s leader.

You were my leader.

Sorry for getting off track. Being at the festival today brought all of that back, and I miss it more than I can put into words. I always think about those memories when I’m feeling especially sad—like today. I still can’t believe it’s been a year since you’ve been gone. That day is still so clear in my mind.

I’m trying to act strong. I’m away from Mom right now. We had another fight, and this one really was my fault—this time, I swear. I’m meeting up with Jenny and Enju soon, just a day or two out. I’m on my own ship, the one they helped me build. I think you would like it.

Anyway, Dad, I love you and miss you very much.

-Love your daughter, Akari.

Dear Dad,

It’s me again. I met up with Jenny and Enju yesterday, and somehow we ended up talking about you. They were telling me old stories from when you were all kids together with Uncle Castor. I still can’t picture you and Uncle Cas like that. You never told me he was so mean to everyone back then.

It actually made me think about visiting him soon. He’s been talking about taking Mom and me to your old home in the Mu system. Maybe cousin Kylie and Troy will come too. I can tell he misses you, Dad. The last time I saw him, all he wanted to do was train. I know that’s how he shows how he feels. I know he misses training with you.

I miss training with you too.

I wasn’t planning on being away from home for very long. But the way things ended with Mom… I don’t know. I feel like I need to be gone for a bit. Give her some space. You know how we are. And don’t worry—I can already hear you reminding me how much she loves me. I know she does. I love her too. We’re just too alike sometimes, and it can get overwhelming.

With things being peaceful right now, I keep thinking about traveling the way you did before you met Mom. I’m going to stay with Jenny and Enju for a while, and I think I might shadow them too. Just to see what their work is really like. It actually sounds kind of fun. I know patrol work can be dangerous, but I’m okay—strong, even. And they travel so much. I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do, and there really isn’t anyone better to learn from. Plus, their commanding officer, Jacob, is really funny. Listening to him argue with Uncle Cas still makes me laugh.

I know we’re not technically family, but you always treated Jenny and Enju like your sisters, and they always thought of you as their brother. I know they’re going to try to convince me to go back home to Mom soon. They can be overprotective, just like you were. I think that’s part of why I like being around them so much. They miss you too.

Sorry if I’m wandering again. Every time I write to you, I get carried away. It reminds me of when you and Mom taught me how to write, and I’d end up writing to both of you at once because I had too much to say.

I know you’re still with me. When you left, you left pieces of yourself in all of us. I think that’s why Mom and I clash sometimes. She always says I look like her, but we both know I’m a lot like you.

I should try to sleep now. Jacob just barged in, yelling at all of us and making us laugh while I’m still writing this. I don't think he means to be this funny. Jenny and Enju are taking me on a job near a volcano next. I’m going to try to bring back some cool-looking rocks for Uncle Nate and Uncle Hale.

And yes—for Mom too.

Anyway, Dad, I love you and miss you very much.

-Love your daughter, Akari.

Dear Dad,

It’s me again. For a long time, I didn’t think I would ever find anyone after Jon. I really didn’t. But now… now I’m getting married.

You would have loved her, Dad. She’s so different from the person I thought I’d end up with, and I don’t know why that drew me in—but it did. I love her. I knew almost immediately, the same way you knew with Mom.

I even saw Uncle Cas cry. I swear! I asked him to walk me down the aisle, and he just froze. He turned away without saying a word, cracked his neck like he always does, then turned back to stare at me with his eyes wide open. It actually scared me a little. But I could tell—his eyes were red.

I really think you would love her. Her name is Amy. She’s the comm specialist on my ship. And—oh—I guess I forgot to mention this part. I’m a commander now. I have my own ship. It’s called the Silent Dragoon. I know, it’s a little cheesy, but I kind of love it.

Sorry, I’m rambling again. I’m just really excited to tell you about her. Amy is sweet and funny. She’s gentle most of the time, but when it comes to protecting the people she cares about, she doesn’t hesitate. I think that says a lot about who she is. She’s not especially strong, and she doesn’t pretend to be.

Oh—and Dad? I met Salira. You really could have warned me about her.

Anyway, Dad, I love you and miss you very much.

-Love your daughter, Akari.

Dear Dad,

I think I’m ready to say it. I think I’ve finally found that clarity you used to talk about.

But before I do, I can’t tell you how much I miss you. You were everything to me. You’re gone, Dad, and you’re gone because of me. You had me kill you, and I don’t think I will ever fully forgive you or myself for that. You should have asked for help. I know I’m past the anger now, but I needed to say it. I needed you to hear it.

When the gods, gave me the choice, I was stunned. As you know, I had three options. One: save you and sacrifice Mom as she suffers with the darkness. Two: save Mom and sacrifice you, ending the darkness forever. Or three: sacrifice myself and save you both but the cycle of darkness continues.

I know what your answer would have been. You would have chosen to sacrifice yourself for Mom and me. I know Mom would have said the same about herself. The gods, gave me only a few minutes to decide our fate.

I told the gods to take me instead. She hesitated and asked if I was sure, if this was truly the choice my heart was making. She said that if it was, I should step forward.

I hesitated. I thought about your speech. How you said it was my time, my time to lead. It was my time to live my life without the burden you gave me. The last thing you said to me, broke me. What a wonderful life that I have lived, every choice I made led me to have you, my daughter, my purpose. A Universe with true peace was more important than your own life.

I selfishly thought you were wrong. I didn't care at that moment about the Universe. I just wanted my family again. I wanted you, mom, and I to be together again. But I knew if I chose myself, you and mom would have lived. So I took a deep breath and stepped forward.

The next thing I knew, you were gone.

I was so angry, Dad. I rejected the gods for so long after that. I know how close you were to the gods. I knew you and her had planned for this. The power, the title, everything you left behind for me. Carrying it without you started to drain me. But now, as I've grown. I understand what you wanted. I understand the sacrafices you made. I am Akari, your daughter, trying to live the life you always wanted for me.

I love you. I always will.

—Akari