Crispr

In this desolate town lies a church where lovers reunited marry when their time comes. It’s not accessible by land, only by the vast sea and only if you crash your boat on it. If you safely reach it, the shores will push you directly on the other side of the island as though it was not even there. I’ve been stuck here in this shipwreck ashore alone, my companion has deserted me it appears. I love and lost , like the old poets , but I wish I had not loved at all for then I could forget his face. His politically incorrect face, the kind that breathes the privilege of ignorance. Yet I find my mind turning to him again, I have him blocked not that matters because he’s not trying to reach me anyways. I’ve heard he’s memorized every detail of me to avoid me at all costs. He really can't, for I have the spirits that transcend reality that can capture him in these words until he gets no other sound out.

 I don’t know what else to say, this is not a happy love story nor is it a relatively bad one, it’s more a guy too scared to even try to see if he's in love and just shut it off before he can even check if he is or isn’t. I stand at this beachfront alone, watching the vast sea roam and roam and I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

 I find myself sickened by all the things in this world, and the things that don’t are never entering my thoughts. I don’t know who I love or I hate, I keep finding things to hate about him and I hate him to my core to the point where I could squeeze whatever small soul he has and then compress it into these words just so that I can never be bothered by them again. The world outside this island is on the brink of collapse, brother killing brother, and it reminds me of how frail equality is when it no longer makes profit. 

Perhaps that’s why I'm on this island, wishing he was with me and dreaming of him coming back even though I know he will not. He won’t come back, I forbid the universe from playing such cruel trickery on me. He will not enter my life a third time just to leave me for dead a third time again too. There’s so much rotting underneath the reasons he left, for there’s also the reasons I left a year prior that he has always failed to address and precisely because of that when I was gone for 6 months not thinking of him for even a quarter of a second until 5 hours before I came back to him he just thought it was our yearly collision and he was free to exit afterwards. Tho I will confess I was gone 6 months and my love for him manifested itself in the depths of my soul, though my hand and mind was consumed by thoughts of another. I did believe him to be dead to me and so when I came back I thought alas this is it he has come to save me from this prison that my lovers past failed. I forgot his political crimes so quickly and then watched the other line go cold never to truly resurface. I watched my birthday pass and though I know now he always knew it was that day he couldn’t even bear saying it to me. And I wonder when I became so hard to approach, why is everyone always fearing me? Perhaps he fears himself more than he does me? But even if he had talked to me, he would have tried to keep me in the lovers' reunited fairy tale and not confront the fact that when I needed him most he clapped someone’s, who laughed at my people and the suffering of other, back. And though I know that that person said those things because of their inability to process their love for me and because they trust people to be smart enough to not laugh at such obvious stupidity or know it’s wrong, he didn’t he just laughed like the idiot Heartspear was trying to make a point albeit in a highly inconvential way when he made his speech. So if he, the idiot of my life, were to come back, I would confront him about that first before he can bullshit me with his words, and I know most likely he’ll just leave again if pressed too hard so the better option is if he just stays on the other side of this island. There alone, stupid, and annoying him, he’s the worst of men, the kind that can’t even really be evil; they are just nothing, meaningless with nothing to their name, not even a belief. I’d rather someone disagree with me than not even have the courage to stand up for something. His wicked soul is decaying, it’s been decaying since I met him and now he’s just an empty shell of a once delicate boy whose laugh made my heart sing. I curse him to the end of the day for murdering the boy I loved. 

YOU MURDERER YOU THIEF you COWARD, may the ends of the darkest parts of EARTH release it’s spirits on you, for you cannot live in your silent misery all your life, feel anything and since you didn’t choose to feel something good, now the only option is for you to suffer. Suffer from my presence as I suffer for your presence, you’ll be haunted by me for the rest of your life and the ache of your heart shall never pass. You can bullshit everyone to pretend you don’t care about anything but the truth is behind your empty eyes is a trapped mind full of racing thoughts who shuts everything down just so nobody can ever hate you. But I hate you precisely because you hide your darkest thoughts, for the darkest thoughts are the ones that the one you love loves