Apartment 328

I always joke around and say that my life is a movie, but at this point I need Spike Lee. It's 4:45 pm, I know that I need to ring the bell so that the boys can finally get out of daycare but I needed a few minutes to myself. Breathe. Alright let's go I said to myself. I asked the daycare teacher how the boys did and she says they were good. They ate, had fun and definitely jumped around. We both laugh as I sign out to take them home. I put them them in the car and tell them to sit so I can buckle them. "Alright babies, here we go, do you want Cocomelon or Pete the Cat?". "Pete the Cat"! they say. Lord, this song is drilled in my brain, I love my children with everything but we need another car ride song.

As we finally reach home, I was lucky enough to find a space in the front, which saved the boys and I a lot of walking in the cold. I catch the Super coming down the stairs to tell him about the roaches in my apartment. "Oliver, good afternoon, how are you?" Is there a sign for pest control, there have been a lot of roaches lately". "Yes, miss what apartment you are in?". "Apartment 328". "Okay I will put a new sheet in a few minutes, okay?". "Alright, thanks".

In an effort to make my evening easier, I spay Raid, knowing that the pest control may not come around when I'm home. I thought to myself to make a quick spaghetti with marinara sauce and allow the boys to watch TV for a bit, get their pajamas and lotion out. I asked God to give me strength because the teacher life had me questioning a lot of things. I can only hope that the boys will do what I tell them.

After an hour of eating, singing songs, playing with trucks, and running from mommy the monster, it was bath time and I planned and bathed them at the same time. Before, I could put them in the curtain less tub. My oldest points, and I see a fat roach trying to escape down the drain. After killing it, I put them in the tub and surprisingly they played and allowed me to wash their bodies properly; not my usual rush job to get them the heck out of there. Towel. Dry. Lotion. Pajamas. Bed. I thought and did. I kissed them goodnight and turned off the light. I close the door and despite their screaming "mommy" and creaking of the bed from their strong and small feet.

7:48 pm. Uber eats because, why not ? I am so tired from this day and I finally have the silence that I've been waiting for. I get a text, "I won't be able to pick them up this weekend." Are you kidding me? Just when I thought my night was going to end smoothly. The weekend, was what I needed to rest for once, not saying I do not love my children with my heart and soul. I need rest. I don't rest. According to my friends and family, they tell me "take time for yourself", "we need a girls night" and "rest". Now how am I going to do that? I begin my reply with " I don't understand that, you need to pick them up. You don't know what I have planned and you are not being considerate". Delete.

I decided not to respond because this would not be the first time. But instead, I sent a text to my sibling group chat, that they will see the boys this weekend at church. Tears begin to roll down my face, as I try to scream as softly as possible. My face becomes hot and I begin to sweat. I put myself in this situation, I should've never ignored the signs or "red flags". There is no escaping these feelings of knowing the life I had before my children and appreciating that my children have made my life greater. I mean outside of the chaos that the toddler age brings, I actually can't imagine life without them.

The buzzer goes off, reminding me that I even ordered food in the first place. What did I even order? Regardless, the delivery person tells me that the elevator is not working and if I could meet them downstairs. Maybe I can go down quickly since the boys are asleep, but no why should I have to do that? I message back saying "my children are upstairs with me, please come up, it is apartment 328, when you come up you go turn to your left." It was late and I did not want to meet the person at the door so I waited a few minutes to get the notification that my food was at the door. When I opened it, I saw that my drink was there but no food. The person had taken a photo and then left with my food. "Spike Lee, I need you now more than ever" I said out loud. I close the door and sip my drink walking backwards to the couch as I request a refund.

9:05 pm. I pause on Episode 2 of the K-Drama "The Frog" to shower, hoping there wouldn't be another roach trying to escape from the bathroom. Water, soap, scrub and wash. I always rush, putting the thought in the back of my mind that one of the boys may wake up from their sleep while I'm in the shower. By the time I check my phone, it's 9:20 pm. Not caring for the lotion, I put on my clothes and lay back on the couch, avoiding going into the bedroom where the boys lay. I close my eyes, hearing the cars nearby driving up and down the street. The sound of the elevator going up, makes me smile that at least I will not have to go downstairs with my two toddlers, their bags and bag without breaking any bones. I breathe shifting myself to get comfortable knowing that there is a bed on the floor that I can lay on. Breathe and relax. Tomorrow is Friday, and at least that is something to look forward to.