Emotional Congestion

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Contemporary Funny Speculative

Written in response to: "Write a story with the goal of making your reader laugh." as part of Comic Relief.

Elaine did not believe in breakthroughs.

In her experience, things either worked or they didn’t. You fixed what you could, and the rest—eventually—stopped asking.

This philosophy had served her well in property management, tenant disputes, and one brief but decisive marriage.

It did not, however, prevent her from accidentally attending something called a “Sunset Mindfulness Mixer.”

It had been described to her—repeatedly—as “low-pressure.”

There were seventeen people wearing linen.

A woman named Trish approached her immediately, holding two glasses of something green.

“I brought you one,” Trish said, beaming. “It’s mostly chlorophyll. It helps with emotional congestion.”

Elaine took the glass.

“Is that a real condition?” she asked.

“Oh, absolutely,” Trish said. “My ex had it. That’s why he left.”

Elaine considered this.

“That seems… unrelated.”

Trish leaned closer.

“It always is at first.”

A man drifted toward them without appearing to walk. He was barefoot. Not casually barefoot—intentionally barefoot with blue toenails.

“I’m Daniel,” he said, placing a hand over his sternum as if checking for a pulse. “I facilitate energetic boundaries.”

Elaine nodded once. “How does one… facilitate a boundary?”

Daniel smiled gently. “Mostly I observe where others fail to have them.”

He stepped back half an inch. “You’re very defended.”

“I just arrived,” Elaine said.

“That’s when it’s strongest.” Trish nodded, as if this confirmed something important.

Another woman rushed over, slightly out of breath, carrying a small wooden box. “I’m so glad you’re both here,” she said. “We’re about to begin the silent screaming exercise.”

Elaine looked at the box. “What’s in there?”

“Permission,” the woman said, opening it. It was empty. “Take as much as you need.”

Daniel reached in immediately, grabbing air with his hands and closing his eyes as if he felt something.

Trish took a long, emotional inhale.

Elaine looked into the box. “I don’t see anything.”

The woman smiled sympathetically. “That’s very common at first.”

From across the yard, someone struck a small gong. Not gently. With urgency.

A man in layered necklaces stood near a folding table.

“We’ve moved into phase two,” he announced. “Anyone who hasn’t released should consider why.”

“I just got here,” Elaine said again.

He pointed at her, deeply moved.

“Resistance.”

Trish squeezed Elaine’s arm. “This is where it happens.”

A tall woman in an enormous hat approached, holding a clipboard. “Before we continue,” she said, “I need to confirm your emotional allergies.”

Elaine blinked. “My what?”

“Triggers you’re no longer available for,” the woman clarified. “We had an incident last week involving eye contact.”

“I don’t think I have—”

The woman checked a box anyway.

“I’m putting you down for ‘denial.’ It’s our most popular.”

Somewhere behind them, a man began silently screaming with alarming commitment.

His face turned a shade that suggested long-term consequences.

No one intervened.

Daniel watched him approvingly.

“That’s a full release,” he said.

Elaine glanced at Trish. “Is he alright?”

Trish followed her gaze. “He will be,” she said. “Or he won’t. It’s not linear.”

Elaine took a small sip of the green drink without thinking. It tasted exactly like regret.

The man with the gong raised it again.

“Final integration,” he called out. “Pair up with someone who reflects your unfinished business.”

Trish turned to Elaine immediately.

“I felt it the moment you walked in.”

Daniel stepped slightly between them. “She’s not ready for mirroring.”

“I didn’t agree to—” Elaine began.

The woman with the clipboard reappeared.“You actually did,” she said, tapping the paper. “Nonverbally.”

Elaine looked at her. “I didn’t speak.”

“Exactly.”

There was a long pause.

Around her, people began facing each other, holding intense, unwavering eye contact. One person started crying almost instantly. Another applauded them.

Elaine set her glass down carefully on the nearest surface, which turned out to be a stack of books titled The Body Remembers What You Ignore.

She looked at Trish. Then Daniel. Then the empty box of permission.

Then, very calmly, she picked up the box, closed the lid, and handed it back. “I’m going to keep mine,” she said.

There was a pause.

A subtle shift in the air.

Daniel straightened.

Trish’s expression softened into something like awe.

The woman with the clipboard stopped writing.“Oh,” she said quietly.

The man with the gong lowered it. “I didn’t realize,” he murmured.

Elaine glanced between them. “Realize what?”

Trish reached for her hand, reverently. “You’re not blocked,” she whispered.

Daniel took a slow step back. “You’re… complete.”

The word moved through the group in a ripple.

“Complete,” someone echoed.

The man who had been silently screaming dropped to his knees. “I felt it,” he said hoarsely. “When she took the box.”

The woman with the clipboard flipped to a clean page. “We’ve never documented this before.”

Elaine frowned slightly. “I just said I was leaving.”

“That’s what makes it so powerful,” Daniel said.

The man with the gong raised it again, but softer this time. “Please,” he said. “Before you go… lead us.”

Elaine stood very still as they looked at her.

Seventeen faces. Waiting. Hopeful in a way she recognized immediately—not from healing, but from wanting something to work. Anything.

“You’re complete,” Trish whispered.

Elaine considered this. She thought about the green drink. The empty box. The man who had nearly passed out silently screaming. Then she said, very plainly—“No, I’m not.”

The group didn’t react right away.

Daniel tilted his head. “That’s… incredibly advanced,” he said softly.

The woman with the clipboard nodded, already writing. “Rejection of completion,” she murmured. “Rare.”

A few people gasped. One person began crying again, but this time with admiration.

Elaine looked at them. For a moment, she almost explained.

That nothing had shifted.

That there was no breakthrough.

That sometimes things didn’t resolve—they just… stopped.

But they were already watching her like she’d said something profound.

Elaine watched them for a moment. Then she reached into her bag, pulled out her phone, and checked the time.

“…This was two hours,” she said. No one responded.

The man with the gong lowered his head. “Time isn’t linear here.”

Elaine slipped her phone back into her bag.“It is for me.” She turned and walked toward the parking lot. Behind her, the gong rang softly.“Integration,” someone whispered.

Elaine got into her car, closed the door, and sat in silence.

Then she looked straight ahead, grabbed the steering wheel and said—“I could’ve been watching Netflix.”

Posted Apr 10, 2026
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