Just Add Water

In the end, the thing that killed us wasn't malice, or madness, but two tablespoons of filtered kindness dripped into a mug.

The spreadsheet numbers swam before my eyes, each cell merging into the next. Quarter three projections. Always quarter three projections. The office had emptied hours ago, leaving me alone with fluorescent buzz and the water cooler's distant gurgle.

That's when I noticed it again. Dr. Marta Levens' desk, three cubicles over, untouched for six weeks since she'd stopped coming. Nobody explained why. Medical leave, some said. Others whispered about her geology consulting project going sideways. But the plant bothered me most.

It sat there in a ceramic pot painted with butterflies, leaves brown and curled like arthritic knuckles. The soil had cracked into miniature desert valleys. Every day I passed it. Every day it seemed more accusatory.

I stood, joints popping. The break room wasn't far. I filled my coffee mug with water and walked to Marta's desk before second thoughts could stop me.

"Sorry about this," I whispered, tilting the mug. Water darkened the soil, vanishing faster than physics should allow. "Nobody should die alone in a cubicle."

The leaves rustled despite the still air. Ventilation, probably. I added more water, watching it disappear into cracked earth. The plant looked so desperate that something twisted in my chest. Three years of eating lunch alone at this company. I knew what being overlooked felt like.

"There you go." I set down the empty mug. "I'm Alex, by the way. Alex Monroe. Data analytics, which is exactly as thrilling as it sounds."

The plant said nothing, naturally.

But talking to it felt right. A crack in the professional silence that defined my days. I touched one brittle leaf gently.

"I'll check on you tomorrow. Maybe even give you a proper name."

Walking back to my desk, I felt lighter. A small kindness in a place that had forgotten kindness existed. The fluorescents hummed approval, or maybe the building was just settling. Either way, I saved my work, shut down, and headed home feeling like I'd finally done something that mattered.

Next morning arrived humid and gray. I brought filtered water from home, the good stuff, not metallic tap water from the break room. The office filled with its usual sounds: keyboards clacking, phones ringing, Janet from accounting laughing too loud at her own jokes.

"Morning, Fern-ando," I said, approaching Marta's desk.

Gary from HR looked up. "Did you just name Marta's dead plant?"

Heat crept up my neck. "It's not dead. Just thirsty."

"Fern-ando?" He snorted. "Weird, but good."

I poured slowly, watching it soak in. Already the leaves seemed less brittle. One had even started uncurling, revealing vein patterns that seemed to pulse in morning light. Trick of my eyes from too much screen time, probably.

"You're looking better already." I glanced at Gary. "See? Just needed someone to care."

By Friday, Fern-ando had transformed. Leaves unfurled in fractal patterns, geometric and impossible. The soil shimmered with what looked like crushed mica. Beautiful, if unsettling.

"It's actually pretty now," Diane from marketing admitted, pausing by the desk. "Still creepy that you talk to it, though."

"Plants respond to positive energy," I said, not sure I believed it but liking how it sounded.

That afternoon, while everyone attended the weekly metrics meeting I'd skipped, I noticed something beneath Fern-ando's pot. A sealed folder, marked with Marta's handwriting: CONFIDENTIAL - PROJECT SAMPLE 7.

Inside were photographs of a meteorite chunk, grainy and dark. Notes in Marta's cramped script: "Dormant organism, silicon-based structure mimics terrestrial flora. Cellular reanimation triggered by H2O exposure."

At the bottom, underlined three times: "DO NOT HYDRATE. H2O = REPRODUCTIVE CASCADE."

My stomach dropped through the floor.

The words "reproductive cascade" echoed in my skull. I looked at Fern-ando, its leaves trembling despite the still office air. A faint vibration emanated from the pot, rhythmic like a heartbeat.

Then I heard it. A skittering in the ceiling tiles above.

"Alex?" Gary's voice made me jump. "You okay? You missed the meeting."

"Fine," I managed, shoving the folder into my desk drawer. "Just... checking on the plant."

He studied me, then shrugged. "Whatever. Hey, have you seen my stapler? Third one to go missing this week."

After he left, I stayed frozen at Marta's desk, watching Fern-ando. One leaf tracked my movement like an eye. Impossible. Plants don't have muscles, don't have nervous systems. But this wasn't a plant, was it?

The skittering returned, louder now. Deliberate.

By six o'clock, I was alone again, paralyzed by indecision. Call someone? Who'd believe me? Hey, I accidentally rehydrated an alien life form and now it's reproducing. They'd think I'd snapped from spreadsheet psychosis.

A ceiling tile shifted. Something dropped onto Gary's desk. Walnut-sized, succulent-like, with tiny root-legs that clicked against the surface. It moved with purpose, dragging Gary's keyboard cable toward itself.

Another tile shifted. Then another.

Within minutes, dozens of the creatures emerged, each slightly different. Some had leaf-mouths that opened and closed like tiny green beaks. Others sprouted wire-thin tendrils that probed the air. They moved in coordinated groups, stealing paper clips, wrestling thumb drives, building elaborate nests from shredded memos inside the communal ficus.

One hauled an entire stapler across the floor, its root-legs straining with effort. Despite my terror, I almost laughed. Almost.

Then I saw what they were building around Fern-ando. The stolen office supplies formed a careful lattice, a framework of metal and plastic. The mother plant pulsed at its center, growing larger with each pulse. Roots burst from drainage holes, spreading across Marta's desk like veins.

The creatures chirped to each other in frequencies that made my teeth ache. More emerged from the vents every minute. Hundreds now. They'd stopped being cute.

One perched on my monitor, studying me with what looked like a cluster of tiny eyes made from pistil formations. It chirped once, sharp and questioning. When I didn't respond, it leaped at my face.

I swatted it away, but not before feeling the sharp edges of its leaf-mouth. Blood welled from a thin cut on my palm. The creature landed on the carpet, chirping excitedly. Others converged on the spot where my blood had dripped.

They tasted it. Then they changed.

The playful theft stopped. The creatures grew silent, coordinated, predatory. They'd found something more useful than office supplies. They'd found organic material.

Gary arrived early Monday morning. I heard his scream from the parking lot.

"My finger! Something... something bit my finger off!"

By the time I reached him, he'd wrapped his hand in his shirt, blood seeping through the fabric. The tip of his index finger was gone, severed clean at the first knuckle.

"Must've caught it in the shredder," he said, eyes wild with shock. "The shredder, right? Had to be the shredder."

But I saw the truth in his expression. He'd seen them too.

Diane was next. She came in with a bandage around her ear, claiming a kitchen accident. Then Tom from IT, missing a chunk of hair, babbling about static electricity. Each injury precise, surgical. The creatures were harvesting.

I found their cache that afternoon. Inside the supply closet, they'd built a nursery. Strips of skin, hair, and fingernails mixed with soil stolen from every office plant. New organisms grew from this mixture, larger and more complex than their parents. These didn't steal staplers. These had teeth.

The office lights flickered. In the strobing darkness, I saw words traced in vine-script across the break room wall: "MORE WATER."

My knees buckled. They weren't just reproducing. They were communicating. Demanding.

"We need to leave," I told Gary and Diane, finding them huddled by the elevator. "Now."

Gary cradled his bandaged hand. "The doors won't open. Look."

Plant matter had sealed the emergency exits, thick roots pulsing with that same alien heartbeat. The elevator cables were wrapped in vine sheaths. Even the windows had been covered with a film of organic material, translucent but strong as steel.

"The phone lines are dead too," Diane whispered. Her bandaged ear had bled through. "I tried calling 911. Just got this... chirping sound."

We were trapped. Three people against hundreds, maybe thousands, of evolving organisms. And at the center of it all, Fern-ando had transformed into something monstrous. The cute office plant now stood six feet tall, a trunk of twisted mineral and flesh, sprouting appendages that looked too much like human fingers.

"The water," I said, understanding flooding through me. "They need water to survive. To reproduce. What if we dry them out?"

Gary laughed, bitter and sharp. "With what? Our breath?"

"The server room," Diane said suddenly. "Industrial dehumidifiers. And maintenance keeps heat lamps for winter roof work."

We moved through cubicle corridors like prey animals, ducking when shadows shifted overhead. The creatures had evolved past stealing office supplies. Now they hunted in packs, coordinating through ultrasonic frequencies that made our skulls ache.

Tom from IT hadn't made it to work. We found what was left of him in his cubicle, precisely pruned. The creatures had taken fingers, strips of scalp, the soft tissue from his forearms, harvested with surgical precision. What remained had been arranged in careful geometric patterns radiating from his overturned chair. A warning or an art project, I couldn't tell which.

The server room door required Tom's keycard. I tried not to think about reaching into his pocket, about how the creatures scattered when we approached, chirping with what sounded like satisfaction.

Inside, four industrial dehumidifiers hummed quietly. Diane found three heat lamps in the maintenance closet. Gary grabbed every hair dryer from the bathroom. It wasn't much, but it would have to be enough.

"We need bait," I said. "They want water. We give them water."

The water cooler bottle was nearly full, five gallons of what these things craved. I carried it into the main office area while Gary and Diane positioned our makeshift weapons.

Fern-ando's trunk twisted toward me as I approached, its finger-appendages reaching. The creatures emerged from every hiding spot, drawn by the sloshing promise of hydration. They moved like a single organism now, a carpet of clicking roots and gnashing leaf-mouths.

I unscrewed the bottle cap. Water splashed onto the carpet. The reaction was immediate. Frenzied. The creatures swarmed the spreading puddle, fighting each other for drops. Fern-ando's trunk bent forward, desperate.

"Now!" I shouted.

We turned everything on at once. Dehumidifiers roared. Heat lamps blazed. Hair dryers screamed hot air. The office became a desert in seconds, moisture ripped from the air so fast my lips cracked.

The creatures writhed. Their succulent bodies, designed to store water, couldn't adapt fast enough. Some reached toward us with wilting tendrils, chirping in patterns that almost sounded like pleading. They weren't attacking anymore. They were asking. But we couldn't stop. We wouldn't stop until every last one had crumbled to dust. One by one, they crackled and split like autumn leaves in fire. Their chirping rose to ultrasonic shrieks that shattered Gary's coffee mug three cubicles away.

Fern-ando fought longest. Its trunk whipped back and forth, shedding layers of mineralised flesh. The finger-appendages grasped at nothing, curling into themselves as moisture fled. Finally, with a sound like breaking concrete, it collapsed into powder and strange, geometric seeds.

We kept the dryers running until the sun rose, until our throats were raw and our skin felt like paper. Only when nothing moved, nothing chirped, did we finally turn them off.

The silence felt wrong. Expectant.

-----

Days later, the news vans had finally left. Management called it a "chemical leak," sealed the floor, promised a full investigation. We survivors got paid leave and NDAs thick as phone books.

I was packing my desk when she walked in.

Dr. Marta Levens looked exactly as I'd imagined. Gray-streaked hair, wire-rim glasses, the kind of face that suggested patience earned through suffering. She surveyed the devastation with an expression I couldn't read.

"You must be Alex," she said. Her voice carried an accent I couldn't place. "The one who watered it."

My throat constricted. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. I just thought—"

"You thought you were being kind." She knelt by the remains of Fern-ando, sifting through the powder until she found a single intact seed pod, no bigger than a pearl. "Kindness. Such a human concept."

She cradled the pod gently, whispering to it in a language that hurt to hear. The pod split, revealing a tiny shoot that unfurled in her palm. Unlike before, this growth seemed calm, controlled. Natural.

"Six years I worked with them," she said, not looking at me. "The specimens from the meteorite. They're not invasive by nature. They're symbiotic. They bond with a caretaker, share nutrients, share consciousness even. Beautiful, really."

"But the notes," I stammered. "The warning about water—"

"Reverse psychology." She stood, the tiny plant swaying in her palm. "I knew someone would find them. Someone curious, someone caring. The organism needed to spread, to find new hosts. It would have been gentle. Gradual. A partnership."

My legs felt weak. "Then what happened?"

"You happened." She finally met my eyes. "You force-fed it kindness. Demanded gratitude. Plants—real plants—grow at their own pace. But you needed it to respond, to validate your loneliness. So you overwatered it. Overfed it. Overwhelmed it."

The truth settled like ice in my stomach.

"The organism didn't reproduce out of health," she continued. "It reproduced out of panic. You triggered a defensive cascade, not a reproductive one. It attacked because it was drowning in your need to be needed. You taught it that human kindness is suffocating. Dangerous. Something to defend against."

She placed the seedling in a small terrarium from her bag, movements reverent.

"You didn't kill it, Alex. You taught it to fear us. And fear spreads faster than any symbiosis ever could." She walked toward the exit, then paused. "Next time, let things grow at their own pace. Not everything thrives under the same care."

That night, I stood in my apartment, staring at my collection of houseplants. Each one watered on a strict schedule. Each one talked to during my daily routine. Each one a testament to my desperate need for something, anything, to care for.

The Boston fern by the window seemed especially green.

I was about to water it when I noticed something by its pot. A tiny shoot, growing from the moisture ring left by this morning's watering. Geometric leaves. Familiar patterns.

It pulsed once, gently.

Like a heartbeat.

Like a warning.

Like a second chance I probably didn't deserve.