The Last

“Whoopdidoo, another Himalayan rainbow mountain, made of nothing but rainbow dust.” Sara stopped dragging her well clad feet to inhale as much oxygen as she could take in at 15,000 feet. She let it out in a shout, “I’m sick of pretty, where the hell is a stream, a lake, a puddle, a drop of rain???Sheeeez!”

She heard a bird screech, as if in reply, then doubted herself. Even so, she looked in that direction and decided the sound, real or imagined, was a sign to walk that way.

There was a slight incline which helped to keep her upright as she fell onto each weary step. At the top she gazed out onto a deep blue lake and decided it must be Mansarover, because, well, she wanted it to be Mansarover and there was no one to tell her otherwise.

She remembered watching her Grandmother laughing and calling out to her to follow as she rolled down the grassy knoll at her home in Chagrin Falls Ohio.

Sara laid down on her back on the top of the ridge gazing at the cloudless Tibetan sky. She smiled and rolled to her right, down the dusty slope. Grass was definitely softer. When she banged her elbow on a larger rock, she screamed out an unholy “Ow”. But this was quickly followed by a fit of giggling, accompanied by hiccups when she landed on the sandy shore in a thud. She took stock of her limbs and succeeded to sit and then crawl to the waters edge. She lapped up the lake like a St Bernard, and plunged her face and arms into the icy water.

She was restored enough to follow her curiosity. There was the ruin of a small Tibetan temple in the West side of the lake, no monks in sight. She’d made some friends in the bar in Kathmandu. They’d talked her into way too many margaritas and then put her in a jeep and driven her to Tibet. When she woke up she was alone and hungover. She’d kept walking hoping to find somebody, hoping to find something to quench her thirst and hunger.

Then just thirst, a terrible thirst. And still she kept moving.

Those people in the bar said she had to go to Mansarover. That the Buddhas and Gods resided there. She just had to ask them for what she wanted when she got there.

She sat down crosslegged on the shore and looked out across the lake. She thought, okay, water, check. Food…hmmm, is that really what’s needed? Some answers, more likely. Why am I here? What is my purpose? Yes. This was more important to her than another meal that never gave any lasting satisfsction.

This time she didn’t shout, she just repeated the questions in her mind, Why am I here? What is my purpose?

And then she rested, right there, on the shore.

When she woke it was dark, and cold. The full moon reflected off the lake and a silver ray danced across the lake pointing the way. As she got closer to the spot she saw a cave and inside the cave a light glowed, welcoming her. She climbed the stone steps and entered a room made inside the cave. It was warm and the glow was coming from an old carved wooden box. When she lifted the lid the room brightened even more. She unrolled a scroll, and read, Dear Sara, you are the last sentient being. All the others have become enlightened. Now it is your turn. You are here to receive the wisdom of all who have gone before you. Your only purpose is to commit yourself to the process of awakening. All the people in your life, your family, the teachers in school, those narcissistic men you met in college, your dog Lucky, the people in the bar in Kathmandu…they were all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. Their aim, their only aim; has been to awaken you. You are the last sentient being. Ask and you shall receive help from all the enlightened ones who have gone before you. We cannot do it for you, it must be your own choice.

Sara instinctively gazed above her and replied, “And then what? The world ends in a big enlightened implosion ‘cause there’s no one there to see it?”

Silence.

“Some help you are! Can’t you manifest someone to answer my questions?”

“As you wish.” The air shimmered in front of her and the form of Shakyamuni Buddha appeared. “Will this form work for you?”

“Perfect. I have a bone to pick with you.”

“Ah. Let’s hear it then. Shall we sit down?” Two Ikea chairs appeared and the Buddha sat down in one.

Sara sat in the other one. “I was so inspired by your teachings, and then learned that only men can get enlightened and that you never ever took birth as a female anything. That to me does not sound like someone with equanimity, it leaves out half the world of humans. Why should I trust your teachings if they don’t even pertain to me?”

The Buddhas shape began to dissolve and reform in the shape of a brightly shining beautiful woman in a green sari with gold stitching and jewels, “I’m Tara, perhaps this form might suit you better to answer your questions.”

Sara put her hand up to shield her eyes, “Yes, but could you possible turn down your effulgence, it is so bright it hurts my eyes.”

“Of course.” She dimmed her radiance, “Is this alright?”

“You are so beautiful!” Sara stared unable to think of anything to ask her.

“You were asking about women becoming enlightened. The teachings of Shakyamuni must be taken in the context of the times when he manifested. Even though all the major religions were founded and controlled by men, the whole spiritual instinct within every sentient being is female in nature. Male dominated beings fear this and female dominated beings automatically connect and that’s why in any tradition you will see that it is usually women who are more devout, and the men tend to strut around telling women what it all means. Lots of lists. Orderly.”

“Now that makes sense.” Sara sat erect with renewed interest, and asked, "Please have a seat, I’m assuming we are not in any rush?”

“No rush, ask anything. We have waited eons for the end of samsara. Take all the time you need." Tara sat down primly in the vacant Ikea chair, and bounced lightly once or twice and minfully settled back.

“Okay, that’s great. So why did the Buddha not take birth, like ever, as a woman?”

“Actually, without the connection to the inner feminine it is impossible to attain enlightenment. It is the feminine energies, that actually propel beings to seek the path and stay inspired, the male energies give the stamina to engage in the path. Shakyamuni had a male form in his last birth, to inspire men on the path. All those male rebirths he told everyone about, were also to inspire the men, who held the worldly power and would preserve the dharma. The female births and the female energies, those he discussed when he gave tantric teachings to a select few. All the actions of Gautama were for the benefit of all beings, male and female equally, no one left out, in every realm. Such was the greatness of his aspirations.”

Sara’s hands came together at her heart in appreciation, then buried her head in her hands, " I’m such an outspoken idiot, the Buddha himself was standing before me and I just whined about him dissing women.” Sara looked up, and folded her hands into prayer, “I’m sorry, Buddha.”

Tara gazed at Sara with compassion , “Buddha isn’t up or down, right or left, Buddha is the pure nature of your own mind.”

Sara’s face went crimson as she swallowed her embarrassment, but the words just kept coming out of her mouth uncorked, “His teachings were the ones that resonated the most truth to me. Obviously that’s why he came first not Krishna, Jesus or Mohamed or someone. All those followers must have already been saved to wherever. So what will all you enlightened ones do after I’m enlightened? Will the world disappear? Poof, that’s it?”

“Honestly, I don’t know what will happen after you cross over. We have been at this business of enlightening all beings since the beginning-less beginning.”

“If there is no beginning, how can there be an end?”

“For each and every sentient being there is an end to samsaric wandering, rebirth to rebirth. But a causational beginning can’t be found. We all had to come to terms with that, even Shakyamuni. When it comes down to the final awakening the beginning of the past just isn’t that important.”

“It seems like a big decision, I mean, geez, I’m the last person, animal, deluded being, whatever. If I stay, do I get to rule the world?”

“That’s a very male thing to assert,” Tara teased and laughed deeply in a lovely enchanting sound.

"You must be enlightened, your remarks are so pointed." Sara rubbed a fake wound at her heart.

“Seriously though, there is no one to rule but yourself. And this self is illusory and the world is illusory. None of it exists the way it appears to you.” Tara said sagely.

“Yet all of you enlightened ones are here to awaken this illusory me…this stain on the cosmic pristine awareness. You must all be tired.”

“We are tireless in the quest to awaken you from this illusory me. Pristine awareness is pristine, it is the ground of your own consciousness. When you awaken all will be liberated from ignorance and suffering. Our work will be done.” Tara smiled serenely at Sara, and warmed the glowing light of her radiance to ease Sara’s fears and help her relax.

Sara bounced in her Ikea chair, self-soothing her fractured nervous system. “Why me? I mean, why am I the last one? Geez, it means all the cockroaches and mosquitos got enlightened before me. I must be really …”

“Karma.”

Sara rolled her eyes, followed by the pouty stare down in the California Valley girl style. " I seriously can’t believe you just said that! The catch-all phrase to veil ignorance. We are going nowhere here.”

Tara sat in her noble silence. Sara thought about having a staring contest but knew she would lose. She opted for diversion. “Well this illusory me has not eaten in days, can it get an illusory sandwich or something? I can’t think on an empty stomach.” A wooden side table appeared followed by an avacado and cheese sandwich and a side of potato chips arranged beautifully on a delicate china plate. “Can I get a lem …” a tall glass of lemon soda with a slice of lime on the rim, appeared on the table. Sara looked up in gratitude, “Thank you.”

“We are here only for you.” Tara replied demurely.

Sara took a sip of the lemon soda, “Wow, it tastes just like lemon soda! Are you sure it isn’t real?”

Tara smiled reassuringly, “It is as real as it has always been.”

Sara swallowed the last bite of her sandwich, “But you said it is illusory, doesn’t that make it not real? I feel full and satiated, how could an illusory nonexistent sandwich make an illusory me full?”

“It isn’t that things don’t exist, it’s that they don’t exist as they appear to. All the persons and phenomenon are inter-dependent. Which part of the sandwich makes it a sandwich? If there is only one piece of bread is it still a sandwich?”

“Okay, so there is sort of something existing, kind of? So if I am the last to awaken, then when this I that kinda exists awakens, no one is left to believe in the illusion of an earth, the illusion of love, the illusion of life. It is a sweet, beautiful illusion. Yes, there is the illusion of wars, and greedy gas-lighting men making a mess of everything, but there is also the illusion of goodness, kindness, and hope for the good times that will always be on the way back to us as the pendulum swings. Is it not just the way things are? Just like the unknowable beginning, we have to make our peace with impermanence, our illusory nature, and the fact that we cannot control even our illusory selves let alone the world. Can’t accepting things as they are, illusory and impermanent, be enough. Is there not beauty in the flawed mess of existence, just as it is?”

Tara gazed intently at Sara and asked her, “Do you think existence would be more enjoyable without ignorance?”

Sara took a moment to consider. “Probably? But the world, this body, my self...look real to me. You are asking me to choose logic over my own eyes and instincts and if I choose logic over illusion than it's total annhilation of me and the universe as w... I know it.”

Tara’s delicate mouth opened in a perfect ‘O’, and slowly closed with a patient sigh. “Sara, you have been the last sentient being for 137 thousand lifetimes. Aren’t you tired?”

Sara stopped rocking and her mind cleared, “You mean you have all been making up these dramas to help me awaken for a hundred and thirty seven thousand lifetimes? Sheesh! You’re the ones that are probably tired. I must be incredibly dull witted.”

Tara delicately cleared her throat with tight little hmph, “Actually, you create most of the drama. We do what we can to turn you towards more virtuous activities, but there’s only so much we can do, given that there’s free will and all. This auspicious moment was because 18 lifetimes ago you were in India. You were inebriated and we enticed you to follow the sounds of celestial music and led you to walk around the enlightenment stupa in Bodhgaya. That allowed us to move things along this life, with the gang of Bodhisattvas in Kathmandu.” Tara beamed with divine pride.

Sara shook her head in amazement, then locked eys with Tara, “You all have been going to so much trouble over me. To answer your previous question, Yes. Lets toss the dice. I'm betting that existence would be more enjoyable without ignorance. Yes, I am ready to awaken.”

"Pinky swear?" Tara gracefully held her slender fingers up in varun mudra, also known as pinky swear or high tea gesture.

"Pinky swear." Sara wiped her right hand down the leg of her jears a couple times to offer a clean pinky to Tara. They hooked pinkies and Sara felt the power of her promise like a buzz of electric current, that was not altogether unpleasant.

Tara withdrew her hand and sat back in her chair. “Wonderful! Great decision! Now your process will start. Sit still, watch the thoughts like clouds….”

“Wait! You mean I have to do all that practice?”

“Of course! That’s what we all did. If you stick with the practices, it will only take you 59,036 lifetimes more.”

“But you had all beings as a motivator, what am I doing it for, you are all enlightened.”

“Have compassion for us, we also have to wait for you!”

"Well I guess it also means I have 59,036 more lifetimes to enjoy the illusion."

"Don't you mean, destroy the illusion, not enjoy? You must create the karma to put an end to samsara. Remember your promise to awaken for all awakened beings."

"We'll see." Sara said, as she crossed her arms in a huff.

"Yes, we'll see." Tara smiled knowingly.