The Child in Lilac

“Ahh,” Ethan wakes, peering around the room, it’s dark. “Mom!” The night is silent and still. Just the sound of his ticking clock on the wall. He looks out his open window at the stars in the sky. He pushes down his Where’s Waldo duvet.

Ethan’s mother rushes into the bedroom. “Had a bad dream sweetie?” Ethan nods.

“Are you ok? Your doctor said it is to be expected.” His mother is beside his bed, turning the bedroom lamp on. “What happened in your dream?” she asks Ethan.

“I saw a girl on a road. She looked so sad.”

“And then what happened?”

“She died.”

“That’s awful Ethan. Well, you know everything is okay, she’s not real. Dreams don’t mean anything.” His mother releases a sigh and mutters something.

#

In the early weeks of grade four, it’s sports class. Ethan and his class mate Cassie stand, at each end of a line of their fellow students. Cassie is Ethan’s class friend. Mr Reed has two lilac soccer balls at his feet. As each name is called, the line gets smaller, and they get closer together.

“Jarrod.”

“Bethany.”

“Mark.”

Cassie looks away from everyone, her mind elsewhere. Ethan is standing and fidgeting, on the spot. They know the routine, of inter-class sport. All the popular ones would go first, as each team captain picked the best. Then it would be onto the less popular, less sporty ones. Then dead last, arriving at their names. One of them goes to each team.

“Cassie, is your name short for Cassandra?” Asks Mr Reed as Cassie walks off to one team. “My niece is named Cassandra.”

“No, it’s short for some stars in the sky. Called Cassiopeia.”

“Oh, that’s a nice story for your name,” replies Mr Reed.

That night Ethan is tucked into bed by his mom. After his mom leaves the only illumination in his room is his glow in the dark lunar wall stickers. He drifts off to sleep. He is next to a road. He sees the girl again. He now fucuses on what she wears, a lilac-coloured dress. Screeching car tyres is the last sound he dreams of hearing before he wakes. Sitting up at the side of his bed, he breathes heavily with his head down, Ethan wonders who the girl is.

At lunchtime Cassie opens her pink lunchbox sitting next to Ethan.

“I had a dream my mom got me a pony. I wish it was real,” says Cassie.

“I had a sad dream, I don’t want that to be true. A girl got hit by a car.”

“That’s so weird Ethan, that’s a scary dream.”

“Yeah, I know, and it’s not the first time I’ve had it.”

*********************

Elementary school ends and high school comes along. Ethan and Cassie are still friends but mostly hang out with different social groups until year nine when they reconnect. They had been chosen as part of a high school leadership team. As the leadership team they wore lilac brooches.

Ethan and Cassie are waiting at the bus stop after school. Two of their friends, Destiny and Bobby walk up and come to a stop, next to them. Destiny had joined the school in year 10. She has pinned her skirt up, to show more thigh.

“Why do you do that? Like you want to get noticed!” says Cassie. “The uniform has never been that short!”

“Oh Cassie, don’t ever change, that is the point!” Destiny replies. Ethan is smiling and shaking his head.

“Next you’re going to be waving pom poms in my face,” says Cassie. Cassie has her phone out in a lilac-coloured case. She starts reading off it. She gets sent a daily reading, from an app she’d downloaded.

“Ha, still reading that astrology bullshit,” says Bobby.

“That’s okay, you know. Cassie’s alright,” says Ethan as Destiny’s phone goes off in her pocket.

“Ah, it’s my mom calling. Hey mom. Yeah, I’ll come straight home. No, I won’t hang out with boys,” Destiny says. Looking at Bobby she rolls her eyes. Bobby grins back.

After speaking with her mom Destiny exclaims, “Where’s the damn bus? I can’t wait to get my license, never have to take a stupid bus again.”

Later that evening, Ethan is chatting to Cassie online. She is sipping a cup of cocoa and wearing her moon, clouds and stars patterned pyjama pants. Ethan has multiple tabs open, a couple on school related homework and the other on YouTube. He decides to tell Cassie about his recurring dreams about the girl in lilac killed by a car. He knows they would be revisiting dream interpretation in class tomorrow.

“Yeah, you told me about that back in elementary school, I remember I said it was a scary dream.” Cassie says.

“Oh yeah, I did. But I still have the dream every so often. In fact I dreamt about it again two nights ago.”

“Really? You’re still having that dream? Oh my gosh, I thought it was only that one time Ethan. Anything new about the dream?” Cassie asks.

“In the dream there is a wide bridge and a grey sky beyond it. The girl’s eyes are downcast. It’s as if she knows she’s going to die.”

“That’s bad. Does she look familiar at all?” asks Cassie.

“I don’t recognise her but the times I’ve had the dream she’s always wearing a lilac-coloured dress.”

“Lilac, ah, that’s specific. My mom has dream books, I should look up that colour for you.”

“Yeah, that’ll be good, thanks.”

#

“Today’s class we’re revisiting our study of the psychology of dreams,” the teacher Miss Mystique announces. Miss Mystique speaks in a slow, airy and distant voice. She wears oversized round beige rim glasses and has curly blonde hair. Today she wears a lilac scarf. Ethan straightens his chair, and sits up. Destiny does the opposite, she slouches and puts her head in her hand.

“Isn’t that about information that you’ve processed during the day, appearing in a dream?” asks Cassie.

“Yes, correct. We are continually taking in information that is either used immediately or stored in our minds.”

“What? So any stored info is just going to appear all in my sleep, that same night?” asks another student Larry. Ethan looks over at him. He is wondering the same thing.

“No, not necessarily. They can appear in dreams. We often find dreams seem confusing and bizarre, but they do contain a certain degree of coherence. Some believe colour has a meaning in a dream and where it appears on, say in a flower bouquet, or on an item of clothing,” replies Miss Mystique.

“I think you’d find that you’d go mad quickly without dreaming at all,” Cassie says as she looks at Larry.

“That’s right Cassie. It’s the mind’s way of making sense of various situations in our lives, and perhaps coping with unpleasant times. An unstable family life, perhaps, would and could influence us while we sleep.”

Ethan is focusing and raises his hand to ask a question, but second guessing himself he lowers it, shying away. Colour, he thinks to himself. Is the colour lilac symbolic of something?

“I’ve always kept a journal of my dreams. The ones I remember anyway,” Cassie says. “Hey, I just find it interesting.”

Another school bell rings ending a day in year 12, and with it, the relief, that the school day is over. All the year level is well and truly in revision mode, preparing for exams.

Cassie and Ethan are walking home from the bus stop. “Hey I did some research on the colour in your dream,” says Cassie. “I did look at my mom’s books, I found a lot of things, but most useful to you would be links to the spiritual world. I know you had a tough time growing up after your accident.”

“Yeah, it was difficult, especially for my mom.”

“I looked at how traumatic events can affect dreams. Wanna know what I read?”

“Go on,” replies Ethan.

“The colour lilac is seen as a bridge between our world and the other side.”

“I don’t know who the girl is, or what it represents. Am I in imminent danger? Are you? Someone else?”

“If I were you, I’d take more notice of those dreams. Write them down like I do.”

“But I am taking notice. What can I do about it?”

Sighing and nodding Cassie replies, “I don’t know, but we’ve got to work it out together.” She checks the time on her phone, “See you first period on Monday Ethan. Sorry I’ve got to get home, have dinner then head out to see that lunar eclipse.”

*********************

The venue is large, as Destiny, Bobby, Ethan and Cassie step over the threshold, to find their table for their high school diploma ceremony. A cacophony of excited murmur, greets them, as the anticipation and accomplishment of completing high school sinks in. The room is filled with dazzling shades of bright evening dresses. Green, lilac, yellow, red and blue. Most of the males are dressed in black or grey suits.

“Congratulations, glad to be finished?” says Destiny’s brother as they embrace her in a hug. Destiny leans down smiling.

“Aww thanks, yeah of course. Now that I’ve passed, I get that hatchback I’ve been eyeing,” looking over at her parents.

Ethan’s mom is beaming with joy. “I’m so proud of you, I wish your father was here to see you.” Ethan smiles and nods and hugs his mom.

#

The first years out of high school are hectic with driving lessons and casual jobs.

Come round mine, after your shift, have some drinks, Bobby had offered earlier that night through a text message. Ethan stands at the blistering grill, waiting to flip some burger patties, down at the local burger joint, where he now works. Ethan’s eye is on the grill, as well as on the clock, as the minutes tick by. It would be another late one, he is now accustomed to finishing close to midnight.

As Ethan walks in to Bobby’s backyard, the night is dying, and the stars are out. Some friends are gathered on some chairs, quietly talking. Ethan leans down grabbing a beer, and looking up, he notices two empty chairs.

“Hey Bobby, where’s Cassie and Destiny? Thought they’d be here.”

“Yeah, not too sure. They were here. Think they were heading out in Destiny’s new car. Actually, that’s her jumper,” he says pointing to one of the chairs. It was her favourite lilac coloured one. “She’s going to want that back.”

As Ethan sits, looking at the jumper, he is hit with a thought, going back to his recurring dream. The girl from his dream materialises in his mind. He could see the grey mist and sky beyond the bridge. His eyes narrow on the girl, she wears lilac. Ethan’s relaxed demeanour drains away, as he breaks out into a cold sweat. As the thought dawns on him. The child in his dreams looks up, revealing Destiny’s face. Destiny is the child in lilac.

“I’ll call them, tell them she left her jumper behind,” Bobby says.

“No, it’s okay, I’ll do it.” With sweaty palms, Ethan goes to an empty part of the yard and fumbles for his phone to dial.

“Hey Cassie, where are you? Are you driving with Destiny?” Ethan asks.

“Yeah, she’s dropping me off. Why do you sound concerned?”

“Hasn’t she been drinking? I feel uneasy, please, I’ve got a bad feeling, I think my dream is connected to Destiny.”

“Okay, it’s alright, I’m watching her. We’re like 10 minutes from my house. She can probably stay the night at mine, actually.”

“What are you guys talking about for so long?” Destiny chimes in. “Come on, get off the phone Cassie. Why do I need to stay at yours?”

Ethan is hearing them talk to each other as he stays on the phone. Looking up at the sky above the backyard he sees a moving cloud revealing a full moon.

“Be careful you guys,” Ethan blurts out.

“Destiny, can you take off that lilac scrunchie? I’ve got a bad feeling about it. Something Ethan is telling me now,” Ethan hears Cassie tell Destiny as he continues to stay on the line.

“Pfft, as if!” replies Destiny.

Cassie says bye to Ethan and tells him not to worry, and hangs up the phone.

It’s three AM by the time Ethan reaches his front door. He took Destiny’s lilac jumper with him. Although his concern for Cassie and Destiny driving late at night is in his mind, tiredness is overwhelming him and he collapses onto his bed. He falls into an uneasy sleep and a dream begins.

The girl is running onto the road, a car is fast approaching at the same time. It’s no longer a dress she wears, it’s a lilac jumper. The car hits her and her body is laying in the middle of the road motionless. He stares at the body and wakes suddenly to a beeping sound.

Ethan rolls over, glancing at his clock, he thinks mmm, only five-thirty AM, what could that beep be? Ethan glances at his phone, with wide-eyed alarm. He sees two missed calls and six text messages. Reading the first of the texts, confusion and shock wash over him. Ethan switches his lamp on and dials the first number on the call log.

“Cassie! What happened?” There is a pause, seconds tick by, seeming longer.

“We were in a car accident, Ethan.” Another pause. “That dream you had was right, about seeing lilac. Destiny is gone.”

“Oh my gosh, oh no.” He feels awake now, and sick to the stomach. He thinks to the conversation over the phone he had with Cassie. She said they would be fine and were heading home. Could he have done something different? “How about you? Are you okay? Where are you?” Ethan asks.

“I’m at the hospital now. I’m getting checked over, they want me to stay one night for observation, but I’m alright.”

“What hospital are you at? I’ll come and see you,” Ethan asks.

Ethan finds Room 7B. Cassie is sitting up on the hospital bed, wearing a hospital gown but Ethan can see she has whiplash on her neck. There is a nurse and Cassie’s parents are there too. Her father has driven in from up-state, Ethan hasn’t seen him for years.

Upon seeing Ethan, the parents leave the two alone in the room to talk. The nurse finishes up writing some chart notes, then also leaves the room.

“I can’t believe this has happened, I’m so sorry I couldn’t stop it,” Ethan says as he puts his hand on Cassie’s shoulder.

“We hit into a tree. I could see the trunk. Suddenly there were lights, red and blue. I know it sounds silly now, but my first thought was that Destiny’s going to have to buy a new car, she just got this one. I didn’t know how serious it was.”

“Did Destiny speak at all? Was she conscious?” Ethan asks.

“I don’t think so. I unbuckled my seatbelt, and leaned over. Destiny, I kept calling out. There was no response from her. Oh Ethan, her hair was all over her face, she was slumped over the wheel. There was just blood and glass shards all over her.” She starts sobbing, and Ethan squeezes her shoulder. He passes her a glass of water from her tray.

“You were only like 10 minutes from your house,” Ethan says.

““I remember saying to Destiny to watch out for the bends on the road as we went too fast around them.”

Ethan checks a vibration on his phone. “Sorry Bobby just sent me a text, he’s on his way here too.” Cassie nods.

“Actually, I was laying on a stretcher looking up at the night sky. I could see my namesake constellation, Cassiopeia. It was shortly after that when I saw the green shape on the ground. I watched as the paramedic zipped it up. Must have been Destiny’s body.” Cassie sobs louder. “I shouldn’t have let her drive at all Ethan. Watching her wasn’t enough.”

Ethan leans over and hugs Cassie as a nurse walks back into the room.

#

White lilies, complemented with green, and permeated by hints of purple, are arranged on top of a smooth wooden surface. Behind it, are vast stained-glass windows, and in front there are rows of church pews.

Destiny’s hands are crossed over her chest in the open casket. Her body looks peaceful, Ethan thinks. Her skin tone is bright and warm and she lies dressed in her graduation outfit. The material is draped loosely around her frame. Bobby is standing next to the coffin as well. He puts his hand on Cassie’s shoulder for comfort, although himself and Cassie can barely bring themselves to look at Destiny.

Destiny’s family are on the front-row pews. They have tears in their eyes and are silent in thought. The friends take their seats behind the rows of Destiny’s family.

At the conclusion of the funeral service, the casket is closed. The friends make their way out of the church but Ethan stays back, he is holding Destiny’s lilac jumper. He places it atop her coffin. He has a sense of relief mixed with melancholy that the dreams will be over now.

Ethan reaches his friends at the exit. He takes Cassie’s hand in his, and squeezes it gently. With his other hand he wipes a tear from Cassie’s eye. Holding her hand, at that moment, the stars never felt so aligned to him.