The Devil Keeps Score - Snippet from Chapters 22 & 23

Content Warning: hints and mentions of suicide, self-harm, & death, but none visualized. Strong language.

She checks the letter once more. The street signs on the corner matches the ones on the letter. A part of town she’s barely been in except for the rare call out for potential tetanus from some kids playing around.

She keeps reading the letter again and again, checking the message itself and not just the address:

Meet with me. Winnie and your mom will remain safe. — Moloch

The words don’t change. That still her sister and mother written on the letter. Everything that has happened in the past few months replay in her head — all the near death escapes, all the monsters, the demons, the prophecy, Kit.

Stupid Kit.

Her hand traces her arm, going up and down. If anyone were to drive by right now, they’d think she was high — or addicted to heroin; or something different and dangerous that would make her act like this. After a few moments, she finally steps out of her car and into the lot.

The parking lot is nearly empty, just a few thrown out cans and broken bottles litter the gravel and grass. Street lights flicker, a faint purple glow pulsing with them. Lucy’s breath stills. The tears running down her face have finally dried, feeling like a mask that refuses to bend. Blood trickles down her arms again.

“I’m here,” she shouts into the void. There’s no physical presence, but she knows that demon is there. “Just take me.”

“You know what you need to do.” She turns to spot Moloch, lying lazily on the concrete slab that encases the lot. “You got the knife, the —” she glances at her arms “— skills. You do it.”

Lucy’s brow furrow. “You really don’t want the pleasure?” She plants her legs harder into the ground, hoping the wobbling of her knees aren’t visible to him. “Wouldn’t you become some grand hero in hell?”

Moloch shrugs his shoulders. “I already am a hero.” A knife clatters to the ground below her, a jolt being the only movement Lucy makes. A ruby hilt, gold emblems. Something to hang, not to carry around, let alone use.

She simply stares at it for several, long moments. “And your certain Winnie and mom will be safe?”

“Yes, of course. I always keep my promises.” His tongue flicks across his teeth, either as a tell for lying or our of sheer delight, Lucy couldn’t tell. She was certain the simple movement had disgusted her. “Go on,” the demon . She slowly bends down to grab the knife. The weight is off-putting, heavier than it should be, unbalanced towards the blade itself. She slowly raises it higher and higher, aligning it with her stomach before wrapping both hands around the hilt, digging it into her skin. “Go on,” the demon repeats. Some of the sweetness has gone, a slightly harsher, deeper voice starting replace his normal one.

Failure hangs over her head. Failure to protect Winnie and her mom. Failure to keep Kit away. Failure to simply survive. Failure to , to her father, to . Failure that her life lead her to this. All those choices, all those moments. Everything.

The demon’s chant of “go on” spins in her head. The blade of the knife is sharp against her skin. Her breath slowly starts to hitch more and more as she keeps the tears at bay.

“Go on,” Moloch repeats. He barely tries to use a human-esc voice anymore. All slithers and hisses and crackles that mark the dead from the living.

Lucy takes in a breath. Her knuckles white on the knife, ready to go. Until, a thought occurred to her.

Kit.

Only, not a thought. He was there. Her eyes fly open as the knife is ripped from her hands and her body hits the gravel. Something flies above them as escapes, just out of reach of both of their grasps. “Fuck!” she shouts, as he uses her to push himself up. “Kit, what the hell are you doing?”

“I’m saving your life,” he says, frantically looking around. Gravel kicks up into her eyes a bit, more slipping loose beneath her feet as she struggles to get up. “Moloch! Where the hell are you?”

“Do you know what you’ve done?” Her voice escapes, raw, throat somehow already torn to shreds. “You’ve ruined it. You’ve ruined everything.” Lucy looks around, trying to spot the demon somewhere, anywhere around there. Instead, all she finds is a purple cloud of smoke quickly disappearing beyond the trees and into the dark night sky. “Fuck,” she whispers this time, quickly getting up and running to her car.

“Lucy, stop!”

“He’s going after them.”

Kit catches up to her, keeping her from opening the driver’s side door. “Lucy, he won’t hurt them. He has no reason to. If he does, he looses his leverage.”

“And when have you ever been right about anything?” she screams. The tears are already flowing fast down her face. “You dragged me into this mess. You claimed you knew all about these fucking demons and supernatural monsters, but you don’t. You said you know, you played the hero. I trusted you and know they could be dead.” Her eyes are drawn to a slice of red across his arm. “Shit, you’re hurt.”

“I’m fine. Look, Lucy, you need to listen to me.” His voice is barely audible, especially over the pounding blood in her ears.

She just shakes her head and forces him away from the door, climbing in and starting it. Thoughts crash over her in waves, drowning any last bit of energy and reason she has left. “I never want to see you again, Kit. Get… get help. Somewhere. Just not from me.” She doesn’t bother to listen to his retort. She slams the car door shut and quickly locks it.

She doesn’t think of much as she puts the car in drive. She’s not even aware of where she is going, the roads, the path is so familiar to her, she doesn’t need to. All of her thoughts are simply on them — Winnie, her mom. Kit.