Procrastinators Anonymous

Neal walked down the halls of the community center until he found it, door 105B, and stopped for a moment. He checked his watch, it was ten after six, he was late again but isn’t this why he is here? He glanced at the website on his phone. It listed this room as Procrastinators Anonymous. He was in the right place. He opened the door, stepped into the room, and noticed the room was empty.

The chairs were in a circle, and he didn’t know what else to do so he sat down in one to wait and waited some more. He checked his watch again. Twenty-five after. He was about to leave when the door opened and in walked a man and a woman.

“Welcome! I’m Robert D, you must be new,” said the man.

“And I’m Jennifer G. glad you could make it to Procrastinators Anonymous. May I ask your name?” She said as the two of them sat in chairs across from Neal.

“Sure, I’m Neal…Neal F.”

“Well, we are glad you are here,” said Robert.

“You were on time today?” inquired Jennifer.

“Actually, I was ten minutes late,” said Neal.

Jennifer laughed, “Only ten? You over achiever. You’re already doing better then most of us.”

“I’ll let you in on a little secret,” said Robert. “Officially we start at six, but unofficially not until six thirty. Seeing as how everyone is predictably late.”

Neal had to laugh, “Makes sense.”

“Anway, it’s about time to start so let’s give everyone time. They will trickle in soon.”

Neal, Jennifer and Robert made small talk for the next few minutes while slowly but surely people began to arrive. Around seven the group had filled out to twelve people and then Robert took over the meeting.

“Okay all, let’s get started, my name is Robert D. and I struggle with procrastination.”

Next was Jennifer. “My name is Jennifer G and I struggle with procrastination.”

Around the room they went with each person identifying themselves as procrastinators until they reached Neal.

“Uh…I’m Neal F. It’s my first time here and I struggle with…struggle with procrastination.” The rest of the group clapped for him. Neal had never spoken those words and as he did, he felt a great weight come off his shoulders as he finally admitted the truth he had been reluctant to for years,

“Welcome Neal F,” said one attendee.

“You’re in the right place,” said another.

“Neal, why don’t you tell us about yourself and why you’re here?” inquired Robert.

“Well, you see, I struggle with procrastination.”

“But what specifically about it brought you here?” asked Jennifer.

Neal hesitated. The moment he dreaded had arrived. Did he really want to share his dirty laundry with these strangers? Even if it is anonymous and nobody knows about it?

You won’t get any better if you just sit here, he thought. He took a deep breath and let it out.

“It’s just…It’s affecting everything. My friends are tired of it. They’ve even quit inviting me out since they know I will always be late IF I get around to going at all.”

He paused for a moment. His eyes started to swell up with tears. “And my job. I’ve been written up twice at work for putting off important projects. If I get one more write up, I will be fired. I just can’t lose my job. I can’t. My family depends on me.“ At this point tears began to trickle down his cheek. “My family…I’ve let them down so much.” Neal fell silent for a moment. He put his head in his hands and leaned forward to hide his tears.

“It’s okay, take a moment and let it out. This is part of the process and we’ve all been there,” said Jennifer. The person next to him handed him a tissue.

“My poor wife says she can’t count on me for anything. I’m always putting off important projects around the house, and she ends up doing them. She even covers for me when I’m late for work. I’m afraid I’ll lose her if this continues.” Now he was sobbing openly.

“I’m such a terrible father too. I make promises to my kids that I never keep. I kept telling them I would take them to the amusement park but never did. Now it’s has gone out of business and they missed out. What will I do? What can I do? I’m such a failure,” he said as he wiped the tears away with the tissue. Several attendees nodded their understanding, and it was in that moment Neal felt a great weight lift off his shoulders. Suddenly he did not feel so alone. Suddenly he felt there were others who understood him and for the first time in a long time he felt a faint glimmer of hope.

“You’re exactly where you need to be,” stated Robert. “Let’s give Neal a hand for his share.” The attendees gave him a short but sincere round of applause.

“Neal what do you know about us?” followed Robert.

“Well not much. After I got my last write up a coworker told me about you. He struggles with the same thing. George is his name. George M. I don’t see him here tonight though.”

“Oh George, great guy. He was here last week but he may have fallen off the procrastination wagon, so to speak.”

“He said you are a secret group? Completely anonymous?”

“Yes, we are. Who you see here, what you hear here, let it stay here,” added Jennifer

“Here, here!” echoed the attendees.

“Well, that’s encouraging,” said Neal.

“Neal, do you have our book? It’s called Right Now and was written by our founder,” explained Robert.

“No, I don’t.”

Robert got up and handed him a thin book. “This is the book we go by. It helps overcome our procrastination.”

Neal flipped through it. It was only thirty pages. He flipped to the end and read where it listed nine steps to take to overcome his procrastination.

“Um, not to be critical but aren’t there normally twelve steps in recovery models? This book has nine.”

“Yes, most programs have twelve, but you see, our founder kept putting off finishing the book and died before it was completed,” explained Robert. “But we find the principles in there are helpful.”

“I guess that makes a weird sort of sense,” said Neal.

“We encourage you to start reading it as soon as you go home. Don’t procrastinate on it. It will change your life for the better,” added Jennifer.

“Speaking of going home. The meeting is almost over but we have some things to discuss. Most importantly our rent for this room. It was due last week. Who’s in charge of that?”

A hand slowly went up. “Sam S, procrastinator. I’m sorry. It was due last week, and I meant to pay it but kept putting it off.”

“Sam, come on. If you don’t pay tonight, we’ll have to find a new location. So put into practice what you learned here and do it.”

“I will as soon as the meeting is over.”

“You’ve had plenty of time. Go do it now,” insisted Robert.

Sam sighed, “Fine.” And he got up and left the room.

“You see Neal? We still struggle but a big part of our program is to find people to hold us accountable.”

“Now that we got rent squared away does anyone have anything else?” added Jennifer.

A hand went up. “Brenda A. I struggle with procrastination.”

“Go ahead.”

“We talked a couple weeks ago about making a phone list to call for help when you’re struggling. Where are we with that?”

“I thought we decided a written phone list was counter-productive to the idea of anonymity,” said Jennifer.

“Oh, right. Well, I still think we should consider it,” replied Brenda.

“Tell you what, let’s discuss it next week?” added Robert. Everyone nodded in agreement.

“Okay then, that concludes our meeting this week. Assuming Sam is paying the rent right now we will meet here again next week.”

And with that the attendees all got up and began leaving. Neal went over to Robert and Jennifer.

“Thanks for the encouragement. I feel much better now,” he said.

“I applaud your courage for being here. Will we see you next week?” said Robert.

“Yes, I will be here. Thanks again.” And with that Neal headed to the door. He was just reaching out for the doorknob when the door opened and George walked right in.

“Neal! Good to see you.” He looked over at Robert and Jennifer. “Sorry I’m late. Did I miss anything?”

And with that, Neal went home, feeling highly encouraged and fully committed to returning next week, provided the rent was paid.