Where’s My Mind?

Jax and I were disoriented from the cold and lack of sleep. It’s been hours since we were taken from our homes and woke up in the middle of the woods, a place neither of us recognized. My feet were numb, and with each step that I took, the feeling only worsened. I don’t think I have ever walked this much in my life.

We hadn't talked very much in the past four hours, but we both knew that we had to find somewhere safe. I was starving and was beginning to find it difficult to put one foot in front of the other. I tried making small talk with Jax, but he was mostly ignoring me.

“So…how's your day going?” I ask sarcastically , attempting to lighten the mood. He doesn’t even look over at me. All he does is pick up his pace as we continue. I’m not sure what I did to make him mad at me , but I know if we want to get out of this alive, he’s gonna have to suck it up. There is only one way we are getting out of this alive: Together.

********

At this point, it feels like another hour has gone by, and we still haven’t found shelter. I could tell it was getting late, watching the sun slowly set in front of us, and began to get worried.

“We need to find some kind of shelter for the night.” Jax stops abruptly and looks over at me. This was the first real thing he had said to me this whole time.

I turn to him and complain, “Yeah, we do, but where?” I gesture to our surroundings. The only things in sight are trees, snow, and… a squirrel eating a pumpkin? No, that can’t be right. That must be another hallucination. I blink and the squirrel is gone.

“I don’t know. Just let me think for a second”. He walks up a little ahead while I stay put with my arms crossed, attempting to warm myself up. After a minute or two, I hear, “Hey, come look at this”. I follow Jax to what seems to be a small cabin hidden behind a thicket of trees.

“Jax…we can’t just barge into some random cabin. A serial killer could be hiding in here for all we know!”

“Why would there be a serial killer in the middle of the woods in the middle of nowhere?” He must be joking, right? “Relax Lil, it looks safe enough”, Jax says with confidence.

“Ugh. Fine”, I mutter under my breath, and follow him to the front door. We get to the door, look at each other, and I go to turn the handle, but it doesn’t budge. “Are you sure this is a good idea?” I ask Jax. I already have a bad feeling about this.

“Just knock” he says, so I knock.. We wait, but there's no noise. I knock again.

“Who’s there?” a voice calls out.

“Please let us in. We’re lost and it’s cold.” I hear footsteps walk towards the door, and it cracks open.

“Who are you? What are you doing here?”. A man stands in the door. His face was angry and demanding.

“Hi, sir, I was just wondering if you could let us in.” Jax says.

“We’ve been out here for hours, and I’m really cold,” I complain. For a moment, he just stares, then looks around and says, “I guess. Come on in.” We walk in as the man closes the door. “I’m Rob, by the way. What are you doing out here in the cold all alone?” he asks.

“I don’t know”, I say. “We just ended up here”.

“Oh…?” Rob says, confused while walking to a back room. While Rob is away, we take the time to look around a bit. It’s a simple little cabin. Old appliances, wood floors, and furniture.

Rob appears a few minutes later. “I’ll show you to a room you can stay in”. Rob walks to the back of the house, and we follow him. “You can sleep here tonight till I figure out what to do with you”.

“Thank you,” I say, then Rob walks out. I lay down on the bed next to Jax, grab one of the blankets that Rob got for us, and stare up at the ceiling letting the exhaustion take over.

********

I wake up suddenly to the sound of a loud bang. I get up to look out the window, but I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Rob is there, in the backyard, holding an axe, staring right at me. I start freaking out, which causes Jax to wake up.

“What’s wrong?” Jax questions with a sleepy voice.

“I don’t know!” I panic. “I heard a loud bang—and then I looked out the window—and saw Rob with an axe in his hand!”

“Lil…it’s probably nothing. Just go back to sleep”. Jax turns away from me, attempting to go back to sleep, but I don’t let him.

“No, we have to do something before this guy kills us!” I start pacing, trying to think of a plan.

“You really think we are in trouble?” I nod my head in response. “Okay, I'll help you,” Jax sits up. “What were you thinking?”

“Well…this guy seems really suspicious. I think…I think we have to kill him.” Jax gives me a disapproving look. “If we don’t do anything, he's going to kill us.” After a moment, Jax makes his decision.

“Fine. Let’s go”.

********

One hour later, our plan is in motion. Rob is back inside now, asleep, and we make our way outside to the backyard. Once we are there, I head straight for a shed, which will hopefully have what I’m looking for. I open the door, surprised it’s not locked, and walk inside. I spot the axe I saw Rob with earlier, and we make our way back inside the house. The next few moments are a blur.

I can remember the axe in my hand, and walking into Rob’s room, staring as he slept. I remember swinging the axe with all the strength I could muster. I remember hearing Jax's voice. I remember the last thing I saw before everything went dark was the blood.

********

I wake up to the sound of yelling and sirens. For a moment, I have no idea where I am or what’s going on. However, as the memory of what I did comes back to me in flashes, I begin to notice the cold, metal handcuffs on my wrist and the police officer trying to speak to me.

“Lilith? Lilith, can you hear me? I need you to tell me what happened.” My head starts to spin as I try to find the right words.

“Where’s Jax? Is he okay? He didn’t do anything.” I ramble on. “Please, where is he?”

“There’s no one else here, Lilith.” The officer looks at me with a face of pity. “Do you know where you are?”. I shake my head. “Lilith, you got up in the middle of the night and walked into the woods behind your house.”

No. This can’t have happened…I thought I was finally better. “No. You're wrong! This can’t be right! Let me go, I have to find Jax!” I jump at the police officer, thrashing around. “Please”, I cry. “I don’t understand”. I could feel the thick tears falling down my face. Eventually, I calm down, too tired and confused to continue fighting.

The officer takes me over to a computer that contains video camera footage from the cabin. I watch it all. It’s me with the axe…. alone. “I don’t understand. Jax was here, and I talked to him. We made up the whole plan together.” I’m shaking now, both out of fear and of the cold. “I could have sworn that man was going to kill me…” I shudder under my breath.

The police officer gets and brings me into a police car. I’m too tired to fight so I go in willingly. Once he shuts the door, I can hear him talking to my mother.

“I’m sorry Mrs. Green, but we have to take Lilith. I’m afraid the disorder is only getting worse.” The last thing I remember hearing before driving away is my mother’s sobs. The only thought in my head being, was it really all a hallucination?