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It keeps coming back.   I tried to distract myself, but it keeps coming back.   Why does it keep coming back?  

      Remember what Joseph Heller says “if you’re sane enough to know that you’re insane and you’re not insane enough”.  When I close my eyes, I see the same thing over and over again, but I know that the past is in the past and it’s not the past right now that means that I have PTSD with a doctor is himself as a patient has an idiot as a patient just like a lawyer, as himself as a client as an idiot as a client.   I need to see a different doctor when a specializes in I don’t know what I have.  I just know that I keep seeing the same thing in my head over and over when I close my eyes.  Think about the movie seven it’s like that sort of.   Like there’s psychics that can predict the future in astrologist that predict the future so if the future has already happened, that means that we don’t really have free will we can still see the things that’s happened to us that we want to prevent, but we can’t prevent because of things in our control. It’s like we have no control. I close my eyes. I do the Box breathing people have said that the Box breathing can make this stop because the medication isn’t working the caffeine isn’t working. The alcohol doesn’t work. Nothing works. Nothing makes you go away if I open my eyes and try to sleep that’ll make the image just stop that makes sense. I’ve heard there are people looking if they put their eyes open like they character in major payne who played in major Payne   Remember the riddle about the three men who walk into a hotel room for the night time type three is 27+ the drill has new part is 29. Where is the other dollar it’s in my pocket.   I have a dollar in my pocket that’s all I have left.   Open my eyes to make the images go away and it works sort of according to the silver method if we put our eyes at a 45° angle up, we can see images so if we don’t put our eyes at a 45° angle I’ll make the images go away and put it in a 10° angle to the floor. I look at the floor it’s carpet.  

     Carpet is coming nothing happens certain people tell me I should get a dog for a companion that the dog in the driveway from what I’m seeing but I know what year it is. I know what time it is. I know what’s happening around me and they aren’t flashbacks they are just images.   Can I tell the difference between reality and fiction or am I in the cusp ?  There’s an in-between between saying and insane just like the transition between someone who was an assisted living in those who were in memory care. No one wants to go to memory care.  

    No one wants to be on antidepressants and anxiety pills. Is that that MDMA might be able to help me but I’m not sure if you don’t drink 3 gallons of water while taking MDMA you’ll die what’s the one question you should never ask your psychic or medium?   How do you fit a full-size elephant of into a Safeway bag?  You take the Sout of the word safe and you take the letter F out of the word way.   Say it out loud and it’ll make sense.

     Maybe I’m OK I’m not suicidal. I just keep seeing the same image. Maybe I should talk to the emergency if the image talks back to me it’s OK if it talks back to me as long as it doesn’t say it do violent things.

      But why can I hear it say other things or hear another voice say the same thing or hear any variation variation is a spice of life but it’s the same thing as looking Ostento or monotonous Metronome and it’s getting annoying. Maybe if I go to acceptance just accept that it’s there and let it go don’t pay attention to it just ignored like the bullies in school. They said if you ignore the bullies, I’ll leave you alone cause all they want is attention and if you ignore them and then I’ll get attention and they’ll stop bullying me that didn’t work, but maybe it’ll work with this image. It’ll just go away.   What if it doesn’t what if it’s like a tattoo that’s there for life and every time I close my eyes to sleep or imagine all I see is the same image and it is not a violent image. It’s just an image that I’m tired of seeing it’s like eating pizza, cheese pizza every day breakfast lunch, and dinner which at first is wonderful, but after two months is dull and boring anything it’s to go away it’s says in self-help books that we need to focus on what we want is that what we don’t want so maybe we need to stop focusing on the image because maybe that’s what’s causing it to stay or inviting you to stay and maybe if I think of a different image to replace the image I’ll make this image go away and replace it with an image of what I want. Maybe we should check the porn shop with the Adult store get images of things I wanna see instead of this one image I don’t wanna see I try that I see it on the screen, but I close my eyes in the same web is there maybe I need to shrink or maybe the shrink would just put me in the loony bin and I’ve been in the looney band and I don’t wanna go back those shoelaces. The girls can’t wear bras which is nice but everyone there is crazy and who wants to date a looney, including me?