Once again

The phone vibrated and Ryo looked down to see another notification. The cold air from the aircon hit his neck, making him shiver. But compared to the unbearable heat outside, which would drench him in sweat in only minutes, he preferred the faint goosebumps. It was noon, and he knew that outside he would hear the cicadas sing their mating songs, which woke him up every morning forecasting another sweaty day.

Despite the pending message he looked out the window of the train. It would depart in exactly four minutes – a certainty he enjoyed since coming back from being stationed abroad for a few years. Japan wasn’t perfect, but at least public transport was something you could rely on. Although he missed the freedom that came with flexible working hours. Often enough Misaki complained about him getting off work far too late for what little salary they paid him. But the corporate world wouldn’t change, and as long as there were people living for their jobs it was impossible to change the system. Ryo had a family to support, and it was difficult enough to find a job that wasn’t just going to chew you up and spit you out. At his current company at least, he could breathe and his boss was open enough to suggestions from his staff. Not perfect, but at least he got his weekends off. Most of the time.

His thoughts got distracted by the Western-looking couple with two kids. Next to the few Japanese waiting for their train on the opposite side of the platform they stood out like a sore thumb. The man was tall and slightly tanned with curly brown hair. He held a child that might be the same age as Ryo’s daughter while the woman was incredibly short compared to her husband. She had her back turned to Ryo so he could only see her light brown hair, which was kept short. There was an older child pulling on her hand. The face was scrunched up in an unhappy expression and it looked like he was about to cry.

Thinking about what he would do if Hina behaved this way he continued to observe the foreigners. There was more pulling, and the man was saying something to the child in his arms, which had started to squirm as well. Then all of a sudden, the woman picked up the child, twirled it around, and Ryo could hear some gasps from some of the seats in front of him. He wasn’t the only one following the scene on the platform.

She turned around herself a few times, the child followed her movement but to Ryo’s relief the child’s face went from frowning to a wide smile and even if it wasn’t audible, it was obvious that the child was having fun.

Despite being older than the child in the father’s arms the mother finally picked up the now cheerful child and arranged him on her hips. There were some whispers coming from the seats directly in front of him, but Ryo was too distracted by what he saw to pay attention.

Now that the woman had turned around, he could see her face and despite the years that had passed he was sure that he recognized her. Fifteen years ago she had had longer hair and obviously there were now lines of age visible but her bright eyes and her cheerful wide smile hadn’t changed.

Dumbfounded Ryo stared at her, then the child in her arms and then the tall man next to her. He tried to recognize him as well but no matter how much he stressed his memory he was sure to have never met the man.

The smile that had at first been directed at her child was all of a sudden directed at Ryo, followed by a polite bow. Looking at the waiting train with her child she had made eye contact with him and automatically Ryo nodded back in answer. His heart was pounding in his chest and his cheeks felt as if they were on fire. Part of him wanted to leave his seat and walk up to her. Greet her and ask her how she had been all these years. Exchange information and somehow keep in contact after they left Japan after their holiday.

There was another vibration of his phone. It was Misaki again, sending him another picture of Hina. The distraction and hesitation cost Ryo his chance as the train started to move. Locking eyes with Emma one last time, she waved at him, her child mimicking her and her radiant smile following him out of the station.

“Did you make sure all the documents are printed? Are the classrooms prepared? Miss Kimura just called and told me she would be late. Miss Masato is checking the exams right now. Do you …?”

Mister Tanaka wiped his sweaty forehead with a towel that he stuffed back into his pocket before looking at Ryo. The younger man had to suppress a sigh. It was another hot summer day, and his boss was amplifying the heat with his excessive running around the language school. They had been preparing for the exam auditors’ visit for the last months and today and tomorrow would be the two days when they would check their facility, and their exam procedures. If they passed, they would be able to renew the certificate contract for another five years.

It was Ryo’s first time being involved in the assessment process and he finally understood Miss Nakamura, who had planned her vacation way ahead of time and was on leave until the end of the week.

“Everything is prepared. The participants will arrive at ten and Mister Sato will give the pre-exam details to them.”

“Ah, yes, Mister Sato. He’s experienced. He’ll be able to handle the students. How many again did you say …”

His boss wasn’t able to finish the sentence, as the light ding of the elevator rang through the corridor and he whipped around. The towel found its way out of his pocket and over his face again although by now it must have been too damp and was just spreading oily sweat over the older man’s face.

“They’re there. Mister Mori, go ahead. Welcome them!”

Not having expected his boss to literally push him towards the opening elevator doors Ryo almost stumbled and just barely could stop himself from bumping into the metal frame of the elevator. With another ding and some slight creaking, the doors opened and after the first bow and a welcome he looked at the group of three auditors stepping out of the elevator.

Stunned Ryo stopped in his tracks and could only stare at the short woman who led the team of auditors. Her hair was slightly longer, a few grey hairs barely visible in the light color. There were more wrinkles around her eyes, which deepened as her astonished face changed into a bright and cheerful smile.

“Ryo! It’s really you!”

Forgetting about the formal setting. Forgetting that they hadn’t been in contact for almost twenty years. Forgetting the colleagues and the workplace around them. Ryo felt the fierce hug as if he had just seen her yesterday. His body reacted the same and the hug was returned, while he felt his heart pounding up to his throat.

“Uhm … Emma, we … it’s nice you met an old friend but …”

It was the tall thin man speaking and Emma immediately let go of Ryo, who felt embarrassment wash over him in a hot wave. Slowly the horror about his indecent behavior set in and he didn’t dare to look at his boss. Instead, he focused on the two auditors who couldn’t hide a cringey expression.

“Sorry about that. Ryo, I mean … hm … Mister Mori, Mister Tanaka, this is Mister O’Brien and Misses Walters. My name is Emma Silva. We are the auditors for the Ridgewood English Certificate.”

Switching to almost accent free Japanese Emma greeted Ryo’s boss and it felt like a switch had been flipped. While she still shot him glances from time to time she focused now solely on his boss. Mister Tanaka ignored Ryo completely but was eager to small talk with Emma who had him wrapped around her finger in no time. Her voice was as sweet and melodic as in the past and it was the first time for Ryo to hear her speak Japanese in such a natural manner. It took Ryo a few questions from the other two auditors to snap out of his daze and concentrate on the task ahead.

“Are you sure you want to go for another round, Mister Sato? I think our guests are quite tired.”

It was impossible for Ryo to get rid of the annoyance in his voice. The second day of the audit was over and Emma would return to Ireland the next morning. Despite being around the whole day at their language school, there hadn’t been any time for Ryo to talk to Emma and by now he saw his chances waning to reconnect. Again.

“Don’t be such a stick-in-the-mud. Misses Walters, Mister O’Brien you’re up for another round, aren’t you.”

Mister Sato was already quite tipsy, and Ryo looked at the dark circles under the foreigners’ eyes. As Mister Sato had drunk quite a lot his Japanese accent had gotten so thick that even Ryo had a hard time understanding him. Next to finally wanting to talk to Emma Ryo was worried that this kind of behavior would shine a negative light on their institute.

“Mister Sato, you are too kind, but we have an early flight to catch tomorrow. I hope you will forgive us, if we call it a day.”

It was Emma who had suddenly appeared next to Ryo that he flinched, feeling her warmth through his jacket. Like he remembered, she had the ability to immediately draw attention but also command the room in a gentle feminine way. Her gaze lingered a bit longer on Ryo, smiling mysteriously and Ryo thought of having seen her wink.

“Are you sure Misses Silva? There is another bar …”

“Mister Sato.”

This time it was Ryo who spoke up again and finally his colleague caved. Slowly everyone was clearing the restaurant, thanking the auditors over and over again. While Mister O’Brien and Misses Walters just dragged their bodies to the taxi the Japanese employees had waved over for them, Emma and Ryo trailed behind. Ryo didn’t look at her but felt her standing next to him and shaking her head when there was a questioning look from Mister O’Brien.

Mister Sato left with the other teachers and soon Ryo and Emma were standing next to each other on an almost empty street. As it was a regular weekday there weren’t that many business dinners organized and due to the slow economy, it was even less busy.

“Puh, that’s finally done. Do you know a good place to have a quick drink around here?”

“… and he wasn’t even wearing his glasses!”

Her eyes were sparkling while her soft laughter filled his heart. It was way past midnight, but Ryo didn’t care. Taking a taxi home by now would cost a fortune and he already prepared himself to sleep in the office. Emma would have no trouble returning to the hotel. There was a small voice in his head that urged him to ask her if he could stay the night.

“I almost forgot about this story. How is it that you remember everything so clearly?”

He wanted her to continue to talk. He wanted her to continue to lightly touch his arm with her shoulder. He wanted her to continue to smile at him so joyfully. He wanted to …

“Oh, that’s because it was the best time of my life!”

“It was?”

“Yeah. I regret many things about the past. But whenever I look back and try to find a memory to cheer me up it’s your time at Trinity College. I’ve really missed you.”

Her eyes shone with emotion and her voice had lost its previous cheerfulness. Ryo understood her thoughts of regret. Similar to her he also found himself thinking of his time in Ireland when he was feeling down. But unlike her this memory was also connected with regret and the reason was sitting just next to him right now.

“I’ve missed you too. I …”

“It’s my fault. When you left, I was in a bad mood. You know … ah … I always had a crush on …”

Simultaneously, their phones started vibrating and while Ryo only got a short text from Misaki, Emma excused herself to take up a call. Before she left the bar he saw the name on the display – ‘Husband’

While waiting Ryo thought about what was going on. He had to admit that the attraction hadn’t faded over the years. He still yearned to touch her and finally tell her about his feelings. Over two decades ago in Ireland he had hesitated. After talking to his friends about it he had decided against confessing his feelings. There had been a few international couples after their immersion semesters but none of them had lasted. So, Ryo hadn’t even thought about giving them a chance. And now he was sitting in a bar in the middle of the night, reminiscing about what could have been.

The screen lit up again, followed by a vibration and this time Ryo opened the message. Looking at the pictures his wife had taken from Hina’s excursion to the local library, followed by playing with some of her friends at the playground sobered him. All of a sudden, the beer tasted bitter on his tongue. The music was too loud. The conversation of the people sitting at the other tables was too animated. Even the smell of alcohol and sweat crashed over him like a wave and he felt sick to his stomach.

“I want to pay please!”

Getting the bill from a tired-looking server he headed towards the cashier when Emma opened the door. Seeing him she smiled but Ryo saw it wasn’t as brightly as it had been before and she didn’t even ask him what he was doing. Instead, she headed back to their table to collect her purse and thin jacket.

Together they stepped out of the small restaurant and headed towards the main street to hail a taxi. The air had only cooled down slightly as all the concrete in the city didn’t allow the summer heat to escape. But Ryo felt almost cold walking next to the silent woman who felt more distant than all the years when he hadn’t even known where she had been. His brain worked tirelessly to find some superficial topic that they could talk about to bridge this awkward silence.

By the time they had reached the main road nothing had come up and without looking at her he stepped forward to signal the taxi to stop. Only when the dark colored vehicle stopped did he dare to turn around and look at the woman who still made his heart beat faster. One glance in her shining eyes made him think she might feel the same regret as he did. For a moment they just stared at each other not moving, and Ryo felt like he didn’t even breathe. Finally, he took half a step towards her at the same time as Emma. No words escaped him and just like their reunion he felt himself wrapped in her arms.

Again, his heart started to race. Regret and happiness, fear and hope muddled his head. There was an almost unfamiliar stinging sensation in his eyes, and he thought he heard Emma sigh. He reciprocated the hug with the same energy as hers. Breathing in the warmth of her body, the slightly musky smell of her sweat and that faint hint of flowery perfume that still hadn’t changed since their university days.

“Are you leaving or not?”

The slightly snarly voice of the taxi driver brought Ryo back to reality. They didn’t spring apart but let go awkwardly. Ryo tried to back away and with even more hesitation than him she finally dropped her arms as well.

“It was nice seeing you again. Let’s keep in touch. I don’t have social media, but you can contact me using my company address.”

“Sure. Let’s do that. Have a safe trip home.”

There was nothing else to say. Ryo helped her into the taxi making sure that the driver would know which hotel to go to. Then the door closed and the car joined the slow stream of traffic. Ryo stayed at the side of the road for quite some time, staring in the direction where Emma had left. The night felt hot again. Hot and heavy like a thick blanket used in summertime. Good for nothing else but covering up a sweaty ugly body of desires and regret. Walking back through the quiet back roads the cicadas began to sing again.