Cassandra’s Curios

Annabel Coterie loves her collie, Homer, more than she ever loved her wayward, spoiled children or her spendthrift husband. Besides, at sixty-eight, with her once-svelte figure gone to flab, Annabel no longer expects to find love or happiness in any human being.

Cassandra’s Curios seems an odd place for a dog lover to shop. Annabel was drawn to the store by an advertisement in the Westport Wag newspaper that read: “Cassandra’s Curios. We have everything. It’s a place where miracles happen.”

In addition to antique lamps, furniture, jewelry, and ruffled silk dresses dating back centuries, Cassandra’s Curios carries unique items such as the sword Basil Rathbone used in “Robin Hood,” the complete works of occultist Aleister Crowley, Seabiscuit’s lucky horseshoe, and a Donald Duck wood carving. The shop also features the mummified hand of pianist Jorst Glockenspiel and a six-foot Godzilla replica that can be rigged to spit soda.

Cassandra’s store also carries gourmet dog food and has a shelf stocked with dog toys. Annabel likes Cassandra, who is as personable and as pretty as a beauty pageant contestant. Best of all, Cassandra doesn’t mind having Homer in her store and always seems to know what she wants.

The bell above the door rings cheerfully as Annabel and Homer enter.

“Hello, Ms. Coterie, and hello, Homer!”

 Cassandra kneels before Homer, stroking his head. Homer chuffs contentedly.

“He’s such a good dog.”

“The only male who’s ever understood me. I wish he could talk.”

Cassandra’s green eyes twinkle. “Sounds like you mean it.”

“I do. Wouldn’t that be wonderful, Homer?”

Homer chuffs, wagging his tail.

“I’ve got something you’re going to love.”

Cassandra goes into the back room, returning with a plastic package. The label reads “Doggie Delights” and shows a comical picture of a smiling German Shepherd who looks so deliriously happy that his eyes are bulging and his tongue is hanging out.

“Put one of these in his food. It may take a day or two, but I think you’ll be happy with the results.”

Two days later, Annabel hears a rustle in the kitchen.

“What is dis swill?” a man’s voice with a distinct Bronx accent complains.

Annabel picks up a vase, ready to painfully subdue the man who broke into her house.

Homer looks up at her, pushing his water dish aside.

“You say you love me,” Homer says. “So why give me toilet water?”

Annabel stares at Homer, slack-jawed.

“What’s s’matter? Cat got yer tongue?”

“It worked!”

“Doggone skippy! Cassandra’s got game!”

“I have to admit, Homer, I’m a bit surprised by your accent.”

“You were expectin’ me to sound like Richard Burton or Laurence Olivier? I was born in da Bronx, lady. They brought my brothers and me to that store in upper-crusty Bronxville, where I mesmerized you with my canine charm. Now that we can talk to each other, there’s a few things I’d like to get off my chest. No more tap water, yuk. The water ‘round here stinks. I mean, literally. It’s got chemicals in it and tastes like an old metal pipe.”

Annabel bats her eyes in surprise. “Consider it done, though I’m a bit surprised you’re so demanding.”

“Hey, it’s a dog’s life, lady. And I ain’t wearin’ those funny hats or sweaters no more. They’re embarrassin’. The other dogs howl at me.”

“Anything else?”

“Yeah. Don’t stand so close when I’m doin’ my business. I got a shy bladder.”

“I’ll look away from now on.”

“And why’d you name me after some Greek poet? Why not gimme a cool name like Mace or Butch?”

Annabel kneels beside Homer, petting him. “I call you Homer because your affection reminds me of home.”

“Aww,” Homer replies, licking her.

“Sorry about the whole dog breath thing. Does Cassandra have doggie mints?”

“I’ll ask.”

“She’s nice for a witch.”

“There’s no such thing as witches.”

“Yeah, and dogs can’t talk.”

“Are you hungry, Homer?”

“Always.”

“I was thinking we could go to Mardino’s and sit on the patio.”

“It’s a date, lady.”

                                               ***

The man at the next table chuckles as the waiter brings out a bowl for Homer and ties a napkin around his neck.

“I know dogs are man’s best friend, but isn’t this taking it too far?”

“I bet you don’t have a friend in the world.”

The man glares at Annabel, who shrugs. “He’s a bit sensitive when he’s hungry.”

“You’ve got quite a sharp tongue on you, ma’am.”

“And you’re about as sharp as a butter knife.”

The man smirks. “How do you make his mouth move like that? I don’t see any wires.”

“So, who’s pullin’ your strings, the village idiot?”

“My name’s Ari Lord. I’m a talent scout. Have you ever considered a career in show business?”

“Have you ever considered hiring yourself out as the before part of a before-and-after picture? You look like you lost a fight with a lawnmower.”

Annabel blushes, patting Homer on the head. “That’s enough commentary, Homer.”

“Yeah, and I’m serious.”

“What do you think, lady?” Homer asks.

“I think it's time you started calling me partner.”

                                               ***

Boone Aldrich enters the store, muttering to himself.

“Hello. I’m Cassandra, the owner. Is there something special you’re looking for?”

Boone smiles courteously at the sunny blonde. “I came in here on a whim. I was hoping you might have a small, inconspicuous camera, something I could hide in a plant or in the ceiling.”

“Are you spying on someone?”

“My wife, Taylor. She’s having an affair with our financial planner, Liam Galbreath. I’ve tried to get inside her head, to understand why she’s acting this way. I’ve given her credit cards and jewelry. I even offered to go to counseling with her, and I hate shrinks. Lately, she’s been flaunting her relationship with Liam in my face. At a barbecue, Taylor spent more time with him than with me, and she invited him over for dinner on the pretext that we would talk about financial planning. When it was time to talk, Taylor feigned a migraine and said she didn’t have any aspirin, so she had to go to the store. We canceled our talk about our retirement plan, so he left. Taylor was gone for two hours.”

“It sounds like it’s your marriage that needs to be retired.”

“I saw them yesterday, having lunch, holding hands, and laughing. I would love to be a fly on the wall when those two get together.”

Cassandra’s green eyes sparkle. “You can.”

“I’ve heard you can do amazing things. Are you saying you can help me spy on them?”

“Yes. You might say I can give you wings.”

                                               ***

Boone looks at himself in the full-length mirror in his bedroom.

He drinks the rest of Cassandra’s chalky potion.

He barely gets the words, “I’ve been bamboozled by that witch,” out when he begins to feel dizzy.

Boone’s hands shake, morphing into hairy claws. He grits his teeth and screams in agony as a pair of wings sprout from his back. Boone’s eyes bulge, turning red, and antennae sprout from his face.

He watches his body shrink to less than an inch tall.

“She did say satisfaction guaranteed. David Hedison and Jeff Goldblum have got nothing on me!”

                                               ***

Taylor had long since stopped caring whether Boone knew about her affair. That morning, he caught her saying she was going to meet someone at the Bellagio Restaurant. Because Taylor giggled like a schoolgirl, sweeping back her peroxide-blonde hair as she hung up the phone, Boone knew his wife was meeting Liam Galbreath.

Boone flies into the restaurant, zeroing in on Taylor’s table.

“I think we’ve waited long enough,” Liam says, swatting at the fly buzzing past his head.

“Fine. But let’s have lunch first.”

“Did you sign the paperwork I sent you?”

“Yes. Are you sure it’s legal? I mean, doesn’t Boone have to sign off since we’re transferring all the money from our account into my name?”

“He won’t have the money to hire an Uber to move his stuff, let alone be able to hire a lawyer to fight us.”

Taylor raises her glass of champagne. “To us.”

The fly lands on the edge of her glass.

“Ew, disgusting. I expect better from a first-class restaurant. Waiter! There’s a in my champagne!”

A beleaguered man with a heavy mustache, grown to compensate for his hair loss, hurries to the table.

“Can you do something about this? Since it landed on my glass, I want a new one.”

“Right away, miss.”

The waiter swats at the fly. It lands on the wall behind Liam.

“Can you picture the look on Boone’s face when he finds out we’re in the Maldives and he doesn’t have a penny to his name?” Taylor asks jubilantly. 

“He’ll be crushed. Did you get rid of that fly, waiter?” Liam asks.

The waiter takes a linen napkin from another table's setting. Covering the fly, he squashes it.

                                               ***

Balancing herself on a cane, Bonnie Romeo enters the store.

Cassandra greets her with a chirpy, “Hello, and welcome to Cassandra’s Curios. May I help you?”

“…I’m dying…Cancer,” Bonnie says breathlessly.

“I can’t help you cheat death.”

“Shame. I hear you’re uniquely talented. That you can make anyone’s wish come true. Can you help me remember? I want to relive my life with my husband one last time before I die.”

“I’ve got something that will help you feel like a college freshman again, meeting the love of your life for the first time.”

Cassandra heads to the back room, leaving Bonnie to wonder how Cassandra knew that was the moment in her life she cherished most.

Cassandra returns with a bottle of pink pills.

“These will help you dream of your happy memories with your husband. Take one each evening before you go to bed. I’ll warn you, though. The side effects include extreme euphoria.”

“Sounds like a benefit, rather than a detriment.”

“They can make living in the present feel mundane. You’ll be tempted to take more than one. Don’t.”

                                               ***

Bonnie swallows a pill, groaning as she swings her legs into bed.

The world around her blurs, then sharpens into crystal clarity.

Bonnie is sitting on a hill overlooking Roger Williams College's parking lot.

She turns to see her best friend, Mary O’Toole, seated next to her.

“Mary!”

The two women have been friends since elementary school. Around the time that Bonnie fell in love, their relationship faded. One of Bonnie’s greatest regrets was not knowing what happened to Mary.

The chunky blonde with the Mona Lisa smile and shag hairdo looks at Bonnie curiously.

“Jeez, Bonnie. You’re acting like you’re surprised to see me.”

“Just happy. Like always.”

“Best friends forever?”

“…Forever…,” Bonnie replies.

Bonnie and Mary watch a group of boys checking out their friends' souped-up cars. One boy, tall, dark-haired, and athletic, catches Bonnie’s eye.

The other boys swarm around him, and he captivates them with a story that leaves them all laughing uproariously.

“He seems popular.”

“Name’s Tristian Romeo. He’s a sophomore, a real big man on campus,” Mary replies.

The handsome boy seems confident and cocky without being spiteful or rude. The other boys listen to his every word and follow him around as if he were a charismatic prophet. What Bonnie likes most about him is his friendly, radiant smile. His sense of humor is infectious, and everyone around him laughs as much as he does.

“That one's for me,” Bonnie says.

With big hazel eyes, pronounced cheekbones, and a curvy figure, Bonnie is one of the prettiest girls in school, but she considers herself shy and reserved. She’s always had the misfortune of getting tongue-tied around boys she likes.

“How can I get him to notice me?”

“Just be your sweet self, pretty and positive,” Mary replies. “In case you haven’t noticed, you’ve got a thousand-watt smile just like Tristan. He can’t help but notice you.”

Bonnie does her best to get Tristan’s attention, sitting with Mary and their friends at the tables next to him in the Rathskeller, the library, and the cafeteria. But Tristan’s attention remains fixed on his friends.

Tristan is finally alone one night in the Rathskeller when he goes to the bar to buy a pitcher of beer.

“Attack!” Mary shouts, practically shoving Bonnie toward the bar.

Tristan pays for the pitcher and nearly walks away when he notices Bonnie standing beside him.

“Would you like a beer?”

Bonnie manages to stutter out, “Sha…sha… sure.”

“Do you believe in fate?” he asks.

“I do now.”

Two pitchers later, Tristan and Bonnie walk out of the Rathskeller as an inseparable couple and share their first kiss.

                                                        ***

Bonnie wakes up smiling, still feeling the warmth of Tristan’s kiss.

Bonnie spends the day looking at photos of the two of them in college, at their wedding, on their honeymoon in Paris, through the lean years in Connecticut, celebrating after Tristan’s promotion, and being happier than any young couple had a right to be.

She goes to bed early that night.

Bonnie finds herself at the front table at Happy Trails, the local college hangout, with Mary and her boyfriend. Tristan is onstage with his bandmates, dedicating song after song to Bonnie.

“You’d think he was in love,” Mary jests.

When she wakes up, Bonnie can still feel the heat between them from when she pressed her body against his.

                                                ***

The following night, Bonnie relives one of her favorite moments – her nineteenth birthday.

It didn’t start out that way. Ironically, Tristan was committed to playing with his band at another girl’s party.

“So, you’re not going to dance with me on my birthday?”

“It’s a commitment. I can’t let the boys down.”

“And what about me? Am I not worth committing to?”

Bonnie’s girlfriends take her to Happy Trails, where she spends most of the night literally crying in her beer.

Half an hour before closing time, Tristan shows up with a dozen roses and an equal number of apologies.

“Do we still have time for that dance?”

The dance floor clears as everyone in the bar watches Tristan and Bonnie.

Bonnie can only see Tristan’s bright smile and feel his heart beating beside hers as they dance.

From that moment on, they were inseparable. When Tristan graduated a year ahead of Bonnie, he stayed in Rhode Island, taking a job on a fishing boat and singing in bars with his friends while he waited for Bonnie to earn her degree.

They were married the month after Bonnie graduated.

As if to balance their joy with sorrow, life could be cruel to the Romeos. Tristan was set to go hunting with some friends from work one weekend when Bonnie tripped in the driveway and bruised her shoulder. Despite her protests, Tristan insisted on staying home to look after her. One of the men, going through a harsh custody battle with his ex-wife, shot the other four hunters, including Tristan’s younger brother, Kyle. On their fourth anniversary, the couple was out celebrating the New Year when they heard about a four-alarm fire. They came home to find their apartment in ashes. But the cruelest moment in their lives involved their two-year-old daughter, Darby. They learned Darby had epilepsy the hard way, when she had the one and only seizure that ended her brief life.

                                               ***

Bonnie wrestles with her sorrows during the day, refusing to let her painful memories corrupt her dreams.

There’s one devastating memory that no amount of willpower can keep her from reliving.

Bonnie dreams she’s at the stove, preparing their favorite dish. She immediately realizes she’s on vacation at the beach in Montauk.

“I’ll pick up the wine. I’ll be right back,” Tristan says, kissing her on the cheek.

Bonnie tries to scream, “Don’t go!” but the words remain trapped in her throat.

Cassandra’s words, “I can’t help you cheat death,” reverberate in her mind.

                                               ***

A group of boys flags down Tristan on his way back from the liquor store.

One boy, petrified with fear and on the verge of tears, approaches the car. “Please help us, mister! One of our friends swam out too far. The waves are too big, and he’s too tired to swim back. He’s gonna drown!”

Tristan rushes to the rocky shore, diving in. Struggling against the tide, he reaches the boy, pushing him toward the ragged shore. A large wave deposits the boy on the rocks.

Tristan remembers he can’t swim. He gets caught in the strong undertow and is never seen again, leaving Bonnie a widow at thirty-four.

                                               ***

Bonnie wakes up, screaming Tristan’s name.

She sees him sitting on the bed. Tristan reaches out, taking her hand. His visage slowly dissipates along with the warmth of his touch.

Bonnie reaches for the bottle of pills.

                                               ***

When the police respond to a neighbor’s request for a wellness check two days later, they find Bonnie in bed with a dozen roses next to her.

“Creepy,” Officer Pat McClanahan says to his partner, Peter Intrierri.

“Yeah, she’s smiling.”

McClanahan notices a card on the nightstand.

“Huh… Cassandra’s Curios. ‘We have everything. It’s a place where miracles happen.’ It’d be nice if that were true.”