Before Ben Left

The Night Before Ben Left Town for the Navy. Ben & Haddie just returned from eating soft shell crabs for the last time for a while on the Connecticut Shoreline. Laughing up a storm as these two always were found doing. Usually over something goofy Ben said of course. Haddie could always count on her Ben to make her laugh when life made you feel like crying. Her Ben, two words Haddie repeated back to herself in her head. She could not bring herself to the thought that this might not be the case after tomorrow. The two plopped on the wicker couch on Haddie's back deck. That was the exact moment that reality set in for the both of them that in just 10 short hours Ben would be leaving town to start his contract with the Navy. Not a pin drop of sound coming from either one of them, not even the sound of them breathing.

Haddie thought to herself, would she even know how to breathe after tomorrow? Ben has been her go to person for as long as Haddie can remember whenever life made it difficult to breathe. Now she will just have to figure it out. Wing it, she guesses. But how? Ben had been her rock. A steady anchor in the storm. Ben whispered, "Haddie, sweetie, you know you can't call me during boot camp in the middle of the day or night to talk you through one of your panic attacks? Are you going to be ok with that? Remember what I taught you to do. " Haddie replied," I know, Ben, I know, don't remind me." Ben pulled Haddie closer and let her head rest on his chest, as he wiped her humidity matted hair away from her cheek and he kissed her gently on her forhead.As she drifted off to sleep, Ben whispered, "I love you Haddie,always have, always will." Then he carried her in her parents' house, into her room, and tucked her into bed. He walked over to her desk, grabbed a pen and some paper and wrote a note. Then headed home to finish to pack.

The next day, Haddie woke up in her bed with a note on her pillow. The note read," Hey Haddie, I had fun last night. I could not think of a better person to spend my last night in Connecticut with. Haddie, you are and have always been my favorite person. You actually always been my only person. Hope you feel the same. From the chemistry between us last night in your arms in your parent's yard, it's undeniable that there is something beautiful happening between us. I believe you feel it too. I cannot tell you what to do. But I hope you will consider waiting for me. I guess what I am saying is, I am asking you to not accept Sam's proposal. Pick me, Love Me! For I sure do love you!" Forever yours, Signed Ben. PS Call you after boot camp.

The room began to spin. Haddie placed herself on the floor to keep from losing her balance. Is this really happening, could she finally be hearing the words she longed to hear? What about Sam? How will she break the news to Sam. Sam was still in fact Haddie's boyfriend, even though her soul had alwaya belonged to Ben. How will she break the news to him. If you were to ask anyone who knew them, they would probably tell her that Sam already knew deep down yet he hoped he was wrong.

Sam kept texting Haddie all morning. Haddie was not avoiding Sam on purpose. She had been in shock since she read Ben's note he left her, and still on cloud nine about the night before. She now understands what all the books were talking about when they said two can share a moment of intimacy without sex. Usually, Sam would not be this persistent in getting a hole of Haddie, but she did promise him that when Ben left, she would be ready to hit the road Tennessee bound to spend the remainder of the summer with Sam and check out graduate schools in the area. But, it was so much more than that taking place in Sam's mind. Deep down he had a feeling that something might have been told to her by Ben that could change Haddie's plans altogether. Sam promised himself he would not panic and focus on what the two of them had between them the past four years in college.

Later that evening while Haddie was preparing dinner for herself and her parents, the phone rang. It was Sam in tears. He just received word that his little brother Gabe had been in a terrible accident with his atv. Without thinking twice, Haddie replied, I will leave here in an hour. I will be there by noon tomorrow at the very latest, I promise. Sam told Haddie he loved her, and she said it back, strictly out of habit, of course. When her parents found out the news, they offered to book her a flight on their account to get her there sooner and avoid driving so upset. Little did her parents know that she needed that extra time before having to face Sam and it wasn't Sam's crisis she was upset about. It was having to tell Sam where she was at and it not being the right timing yet not wanting to further lead him on or string him along. Yet this would crush Sam right now.

Fast forward to the next day. Haddie is at the hospital comforting Sam's parents and sister and going through the motions as the devoted girlfriend they all came to know her to be. She felt like a fraud. That night, she sat beside Sam on his bed, he went to kiss her, she turned her head and just blamed it on jet lag and lack of sleep. Sam forced her to turn around and make eye contact. He saw the tears streaming down her eyes, and her shaking her head. He knew what she had to say but couldn't get out the words, He nodded and took her hand into his and lifted her chin with his other hand and whispered, "Its ok, I know. I also know you would never deliberately plan to hurt me." She shook her head and said, "I did not plan for this to happen.He hugged her untl they fell asleep saying over and over,"I know Haddie, I know."