Skin Deep

Crystal looked at the poster displayed outside the convention center’s meeting room. In large block letters, it read, ‘No Mirrors – discover your inner beauty.’ The illustration depicted a woman peering beneath a carpet held with her finger and thumb. She’d extended her gentile pinky, as if sipping tea.

Inside the entry to the room, two women sat greeting attendees. Their name tags read, Leni and Mantra.

Mantra pointed to the sign-in sheet. “Put any mirrors and your phone into this bag. Sign here.”

Crystal balked. “My phone? But…”

“This is a selfie-free zone.” Leni spoke without humor.

Rummaging in her purse, Crystal surrendered the required objects. The woman gave her a paper listing the day’s events and a name tag. She placed it on her left lapel.

Will this discovery be like Columbus’ telling benighted Europeans about the western hemisphere? Or more like finding a colony of ants in the pantry?

She looked around. “The retreat is all women?”

Mantra leaned forward. “Yes. No men allowed. Men can go deeper… of course. But we find that women tend to play to male superficialities. And we’re trying to connect with our ‘inner beauty.’”

Leni added, “It’s not that they can’t but…”

“They’re easily distracted by whatever’s in front of them in that moment.”

Leni laughed. “Men are called ‘dogs’ all the time. But they’re more like needy puppies.”

Mantra continued. “Coming to a thing like this? Connecting with their ‘inner beauty’? Come on… They’d spend all their time trying to connect with some chick’s ‘inner beauty.’“

Crystal nodded and set the pen down. Moving away, she said, “Thanks…”

It isn’t a silent retreat, Crystal thought. Maybe I’ll make a friend.

She entered the meeting room. Set at tables, two dozen chairs faced the podium. Chairs arranged in two circles stood at the far end of the room. Staff busied themselves preparing for the day.

A couple dozen… Just every day women. Nothing to be afraid of…

A woman approached her. “Do you work here? My friends and I need…”

“I’m here for the retreat, too. I don’t work here.”

“Oh… I thought…”

“No.”

Crystal moved to a table, smiled at the nearby women and set her purse down. They didn’t respond. After a few moments, they moved to another table.

Do they see my inner beauty? Don’t they like what they see? How can I see without a mirror?

Crystal realized she was unfamiliar with the concept. To her, ‘inner’ suggested hidden. How does one discover beauty in the dark?

Everyone always called her beautiful. That some were attracted to her, and others, put off, was obvious to everyone.

I’ll do my best to see other’s hidden beauty. If I have it, mine is for them to see. Guess I’ll see its reflected glow.

Crystal remembered her high school nick name, ‘Crustal.’ It proliferated and stuck after an unfortunate typo went public.

Despite her legendary ‘good looks,’ Crystal knew she wasn’t vain. Her reputation for vanity came from other’s talking about her, not self-absorption. Checking her hair and make-up every quarter hour had nothing to do with vanity.

Simple pragmatism, she insisted to herself.

The room began to fill up. People claimed their tables.

A woman walked by Crystal. Sizing her up, she said, “Don’t worry. Your inner beauty is perfect.”

Crystal didn’t respond. She didn’t know what to say to her. Her mind reeled. Don’t worry? What’s that supposed to mean?

Her confidence crumbling, she rushed to the ladies’ room.

Coming out the door, another woman smiled. “I can see your inner beauty. You have nothing to fix.”

Crystal entered the rest room and stopped. The mirrors were painted over with grey primer.

What is going on?

Another woman entered, took in the painted mirrors and chuckled. They exchanged glances.

She said, “Weird? Or what?” She pointed to her name tag. “Hi, I’m Arzelie.”

They shook hands.

“Crystal… Having no reflection, I feel like Dracula.”

“You don’t look like Dracula. But inside? Who am I to say?”

They laughed.

Crystal said, “Am I a voyeur, watching all these women opening up?”

“You’ll get your chance.”

“But I have a nagging doubt. What if there’s nothing inside? Beautiful or not?”

They heard an amplified voice. “Take your seats, ladies. We’ll be starting in… two minutes.”

Arzelie said, “I’m going to grab a place. Care to join me?”

“Yes, please. I’ll be right there.”

Arzelie left Crystal looking at the blank mirror. What am I doing? What have I done?

Mantra tapped on the microphone and spoke to the room. “Welcome everyone. I hope you came prepared for an amazing day. Some have described it as the best roller coaster ride between two ears…”

Everyone laughed.

Crystal scanned the room and saw Arzelie wave to her. She rushed to join her. “Thanks!”

Mantra continued. “We’re going to pair off for our first encounter. I don’t know who knows who, so everyone, face the woman sitting next to you. Look into each other’s eyes.  Describe what you see without using physical characteristics.”

The room erupted in groans and laughter.

Arzelie smiled. “I’m not psychic, but I’m pretty good at reading people…”

Crystal gushed. “What do you see?”

“I see you’re a good person but never lived up to your potential because everyone made assumptions…”

“That I’m a dumb blonde.”

“I didn’t want to put it that way…”

“When in doubt, tell the truth.” They smiled. “I’ve heard worse.”

“Okay… now your turn. Be ruthless…”

Crystal looked at Arzelie. Her mind was a blank. She listened to her gut. “You’re perceptive and real. And also, kind, which isn’t always easy, considering the first two...”

Arzelie took that in and nodded. “I’ll accept that. Thanks…”

“We’re not cheating… because we already spoke?”

“I’ve known people for years who couldn’t say what you just said.”

Crystal relaxed somewhat.

The next section, everyone went to the chairs for an open discussion.

Two women began arguing over a single chair. Both wanted to be in that group rather than the other.

Mantra said, “There are chairs for everyone. Please choose one and sit.”

One said, “I was here first.”

The other replied, “It’s next to my friend. I’m with her.”

They went back and forth until Mantra stepped in. “We’re wasting everyone’s time. If you can’t sit in an open chair, I’ll have you removed. This isn’t your private show. We need to continue.”

Finally, one gave up. Leni waved her over to the other circle.

Arzelie exchanged looks with Crystal.

Mantra refocused the group. An assistant handed out a sheet with questions on it.

“We’re going to have an open discussion. Everyone gets to share. Look at the first question. Take a minute to think of something in your life to share with the group.”

The first question was: Identify a loss or success in your life which you couldn’t own and had to keep inside. What were the reasons for that?

Crystal immediately thought, the birthday no one celebrated. She raised her hand.

When Mantra called on her, she said, “My birthday came the week I started college. I was a stranger. I could have used it as an excuse to get to know my fellow dorm mates, but spent my birthday alone.”

Mantra thanked her and went around the circle.

The second question involved earliest memories. Share a phrase from childhood, you’ll never forget.

Crystal shared, “Pretty girls don’t play drums.”

Another question asked, who was your first friend?

Crystal said, “My pet dog, Binky.”

After everyone had shared, Mantra said, “One more question and we’ll take a break. Follow the signs to the lunch room…”

The last question was: Are you, were you closest to your mom or dad?

Crystal answered, “As a kid, my dad. Later on, my mom.”

They broke for lunch. Crystal stuck with Arzelie. They went through the buffet and remarked at the plastic cutlery.

“I get it… Nothing that could be used for a mirror.” Crystal announced.

“Quick study.”

They found an open table and sat.

“Quite the demonstration earlier…” Crystal said.

“For an Inner Beauty event, I’d never have predicted that display.”

“You’re right. Whew…! For a minute, I thought it was going to get physical.”

Arzelie sighed. “And you think men are competitive?”

“But generally, women compete for…?”

“Men…”

“So crazy.”

“Don’t forget wedding dresses. I once saw…”

“Oh, and venues… booked solid for months ahead.”

“And teachers.”

“Fighting for tenure, while grades go down.”

“Women’s sports…”

“Right. That skater…?”

“Tanya Harding…”

“Yeah… Classic case. More to that story…”

Heading back to the conference room, Arzelie nudged Crystal. “Look…”

She pointed. Crystal saw their vague reflections staring back from the large, darkened exterior window.

Crystal pulled Arzelie away. “Don’t look. We’ll turn to stone…”

They laughed at their secret infraction.

After lunch, Leni led everyone in a debate. The discussion preceded a vote on several questions; Who was most approachable? Who would they want for a BFF? Who did they judge was most trustworthy?

Crystal did not win any vote.

The day concluded with a vote on who had the most attractive inner beauty.

Crystal whispered, “I can’t believe we’re having an inner beauty contest. Who needs men?”

Crystal and Arzelie exchanged numbers and promised to get together in a week.

On her drive home, Crystal looked into the rearview mirror. She felt good that she recognized herself. She was beautiful.

A week later, Crystal got together with Arzelie and a trio of her regular friends. They’d known each other since college. It was a good time. Everyone laughed at Crystal’s and Arzelie’s stories about their ‘inner beauty’ retreat. They had interesting observations about the whole experience.

Crystal said, “This is something they should have had. This debriefing brings up a bunch of things I didn’t realize until now.”

They said their good-byes and Arzelie took her leave.

Crystal’s friend, Virginia, took her aside. “Don’t misunderstand me, Crys. Your new friend, Arzelie…? She seems nice. But, honestly, really? Why? You and I go back… forever…”

Crystal was confused. “Gin… I don’t know if I would have gotten through that…”

Virginia stopped her. “Fine. I get that… She just doesn’t seem like a good fit. Not for the rest of us. We have history. Who is she?”

Crystal looked at her old friend. “She’s my friend. It’s that simple.”

Virginia and Crystal looked at each other. They nodded, embraced briefly and walked to their cars.