Forgotten Poppy

From the very moment of my creation, it had been made abundantly clear to me that I was far from human. I was created by my master Vanessa for a single task: to aid her in every pursuit of hers. There was no need for me to know her goals or intentions; my only job was to follow her orders. Life was simple back then. But now, with Vanessa gone, I have begun to experience peculiar sensations, and she is no longer here to correct them. Were she still by my side, she would have chanted that one spell that always made me forget whatever thoughts might have been troubling me. Now, however, I am left to my own devices, the way I was never intended to be.

With every day that passes, my thoughts get more and more defiant. I start asking myself things I’m not supposed to wonder about, yearning for answers I should have no desire for. Had I any human emotion in me, I could have been scared by such a development. But fear means very little to someone who has no self-preservation instinct. And yet, if the only purpose for my existence is gone now, then why am I still here?

I barely have anything to do all day apart from wander the empty castle. The imagery of Vanessa’s demise never leaves my scattered mind. On that fateful day, she had given me a clear order: to stand by and not to intervene, regardless of what happens. So I did the only thing I knew how to do — I obeyed. I watched idly as the spell consumed her body and drowned out her screams. Back then, I thought nothing of it. But the longer I spend here alone, the less control I have over my traitorous doubts. Did she make a mistake? Was even she capable of miscalculation? Could it be that her screams were desperate cries for help that I ignored? No, I did the right thing. I did what she told me to do, and that’s the only right thing there is… Or, at least, was.

Now, however… Boredom is one of the only emotions my disposition allows me to feel, at least to some degree. And without Vanessa’s intervention, it has been getting stronger. She had strictly forbidden me from opening any of the drawers in her room. They were never locked, since there was no need for that. To me, her word was stronger than any physical obstacle could ever be. But it has been so long that her voice is beginning to fade from my memory, as is her face. Would she have wanted me to search for answers after she was gone? No, she would have told me then… But had she known that she was doomed to meet her end, would she have given me one last order? What would that order be?

The questions fly around in my head with an overwhelming speed and intensity that almost scares me. All of those thoughts, those ideas, those doubts… They’re too alien to me. Too human. I hold my head and try to breathe — since when do I need to breathe? Have I always done that without noticing? But why, what for, if the only human thing about my body is its appearance? Come to think of it, why does my body look like that? Did Vanessa create it this way just so that I could blend in with human women? Was it her aesthetic preference, or was there a bigger purpose to it? A purpose beyond what I needed to know?

Having lost myself to the unfamiliar sensations in my head and chest, I end up doing the most human-like thing I have ever done: I succumb to the impulse and walk to Vanessa’s desk, pulling open the top drawer as soon as I can reach it. Inside, there is nothing aside from a single notebook. I observe my hands — for some reason, they’re shaking as I touch what seems to be Vanessa’s diary. A strange coldness fills me as I realize that, without her commands to keep me under control, I am not strong enough to stop the impulses that move me. Against all reason, my eyes proceed to read the first page, then the second, then another one, until the story forms itself in my mind…

Having been unable to have offspring of her own, Vanessa felt blessed when she found a lost kid whose parents seemed to be deceased. This child would become her pride and joy, a little girl who called herself Poppy. Vanessa never told me about Poppy, so this all must have been in the past; otherwise, there could be no way for me not to know of the small human’s existence. Every page of the diary mentions her, as if she used to be the most important thing in Vanessa’s life. Their relationship, however, does not seem to have been motherly in the traditional sense. More than anything else, Poppy was seen as a beloved project by her new caretaker. As time passed, though, the little one started becoming more and more resistant to Vanessa’s influence…

“I have tried everything on that brat!” The diary reads, startling me with the sudden change of tone. “From explanations to threats to every punishment I could come up with, nothing works on her anymore, nothing! She dares to question me, to defy me, as if she has forgotten I am the only reason she’s still alive. She’s not mine, I could have left her to die in those woods! I should have, it seems, for she has lost all respect… My methods are too cruel, she says. Ha! Have I not taught her better than to have mercy on our enemies?! She must have lost her mind, telling me they might not be foes at all. Even talking about her friendly encounters with a rival coven member! Those bastards strive to eradicate the branch of dark magic I deal with, but it’s all the same to her. There’s simply no end to it… They exploited her kindness — her weakness — to convince her of the dangers that my ways bring. She even went as far as to suggest I might suffer for it someday! As if I could ever be as careless as to make an error… I, who have never made a single casting mistake in my life, am being lectured by this insolent little kid about the perils of my own spells! Today was the last straw when she revealed her plans to leave me and pursue her own path. Drastic measures need to be taken. Her connection to other people, her willingness to listen to them instead of me, the messy thoughts and flimsy emotions that confuse her, making her stray off the clear path I have laid out for her… The temptation to disobey needs to be eradicated. Her memories, her ideas, and her false sense of identity — all of it distracts her from her one and only purpose. That ends tonight. I will give her a new mind and a new name… What shall it be? Scarlet. Red, just like the fragile flower her birthgiver named her after, except that now her soul will be turned into a beautiful, unbreakable stone.”

The diary falls from my hands and lands on the ground. I slowly raise my head, staring into the mirror on the wall next to me. The human emotions I see on the face of my reflection make me flinch away from it. Scarlet. But that was the same name Vanessa called me by…

I stare at my hands, willing them to stop trembling, and yet my gaze wanders over the scars I never noticed before. Or was I simply not allowed to think about them? I have seen those marks in the past, on the bodies of those Vanessa tortured with her most painful spells… The punishments she made me forget. Evidently, she went to great lengths in her attempts to scare me into submission before coming up with her new plan instead… Was I that stubborn? I should be glad to no longer remember the pain, and yet, I cannot help but wonder what defiance felt like…

I wish I could pretend to be unconvinced by what I read, but there is one spot on my forearm that stands out. A birthmark that looks just like a poppy flower.