To Grandmother’s House We Go

One cliche about me is that I love my grandmother’s house.

I know.. I know….of course I do. Everyone does, right? Well, except for those of you who don’t have grandparents or have shitty grandparents. Sorry. Anyways, I digress.

This year was the first time my whole family has come back together. We’d all been off in different states, well, my 3 cousins and I. I was in graduate school in New York City, studying at the Fashion Institute of Technology, FIT. My other cousin, who was my age, was studying to be an Audiologist at Mass Gen. My two younger cousins were both in undergrad, one in Rhode Island and one in Tennessee. We were always at grandmother's house together when we were children. We would make up recitals and routines and play all sorts of imagination games like house and school.

As everyone got older, though, we stopped spending as much time at grandmother’s. There was school and sports and friends, and boyfriends. We had no time. We had probably been there a handful of times altogether, once or twice since middle school, which was quite the somber thought.

As I pulled in the driveway, I peered to see if any other cars were there. I bubbled with excitement, but it popped quickly when I realized I was the only one there so far. I should’ve expected this. I was always pathologically early.

The snow was coming down fairly heavily, and I was slipping and sliding all the way here. The stress melted off my body as I made my way to the navy blue and yellow shuttered house. Nothing was going to ruin this day for me. I needed my family more than ever. My long-term boyfriend and I had just broken up, with whom I’d been living. The last week of my life was spent crying under the Christmas tree with a bottle of peppermint vodka. Not the prettiest sight.

I opened the side door from the garage and wiped the sludge off my foot. I shook off my jacket and made my way to the basement entryway. As soon as I stepped inside, the smell of gingerbread and cinnamon greeted me. It was so good to be back.

My grandmother came running down the stairs in a fury, so jolly she seemed like she was about to explode. “Merry Christmas, Honey! We’ve missed you so much.” She wrapped me in a huge hug that was starting to cut off my circulation.

Once she let go, I went to hang my coat on the rack as I said, “Merry Christmas! I’ve missed you guys, too!”

Their small Yorkie puppy was barking up a storm, but I was too happy to even notice. “My goodness, you look thin. Do you eat over there at Fashion School?” My grandmother inquired, looking mortified.

My grandfather interjected, “Of course they don’t, Laurie, she’s trying to be a model. Stupid, stupid thing to be a model.”

For the sake of the holiday, I let that one roll off my chest. “I’m only modeling part-time to pay my rent. I’m in design school, remember grandpa?”

He diverted his attention back to the TV. “Same difference. You still don’t eat.”

My grandmother looked forlorn at his temperament, but shook it off and motioned me upstairs. I was in a red satin maxi dress with red lace trim and high-heeled boots that came up to my mid-calf. My hair was pulled back in a French twist, and my lips were stained blood red. I loved dressing up for the holidays and had since I was a child. I couldn't believe it was Christmas time again!

She set me up with a warm cocoa and a small present. “Don’t tell the other girls, I got you an extra one!” Upon hearing her excitement, my grandpa made his way up the stairs and stood in the kitchen.

I unwrapped it quickly, beaming at it. I’ll admit that I’m a bit materialistic. It comes with the job; looking the best and being the best are basically synonymous. Inside it was a black box with two beautiful diamond earrings. I couldn’t believe it. My jaw was on the floor.

Mind you, my grandparents were wealthy, but nothing extreme. These must’ve cost them a fortune! “I can’t accept these. Really.” I sighed.

“You don’t like them?” My grandmother’s lip quivered as she said it.

“No, of course I do! This is just too extravagant. I can’t accept it. This could feed you guys for months,” I said back in a small voice. I was getting choked up all of a sudden.

”See, Laurie, I told you it was too much,” My grandfather said through his dentures. A little piece of his voice sounded disappointed as well.

My grandmother smiled and opened the box again, and took the earrings out. “Nonsense. We have plenty of money, sweetie. I want to see these shining when you make it to the red carpet.”

The gesture was so sweet, I didn’t want to water it down by insisting that I would never make it to the red carpet. I was only doing some shoots for influencer merch drops.

“Well…okay then. If you're sure. I’ll go switch these out right now!” I squealed, sprinting into the guest bathroom.

As soon as I got back, my cousins, aunt, and uncle had arrived. They had so many presents in their hands. It was just like old times. I remembered the years my uncle would show up with piles of goodies. Yardsticks of gum, candy cigarettes, and bags of chocolates. The nostalgia ran over me like the fountain of youth. I always felt so much younger when I came back here. I'd have to remember that when I got my first wrinkle.

“Hi guys!” I announced, running into a huge hug from my aunt.

She looked so nice, her hair was pulled back into a ponytail tail but her bang pieces were curled. Her ears sparkled. “Oh my god! We have the same earrings! Did your Dad get you them?” She pointed to her ear.

“Yeah, he did. They must be a big deal this year.” I lied through my teeth. That’s why my grandmother must’ve bought them; she didn’t want me to feel left out. It was a sweet thought, but unnecessary. I decided I’d just appreciate them for what they were: a gift.

I hugged all of my cousins and my uncle, and we all dispersed into the kitchen and started snacking. I couldn’t get away from the veggie platter. The ranch dip was absolutely intoxicating.

An hour or so later, my other aunt and her young sons walked through the door. Again, more presents toppled into the space underneath the tree. Every year they go overboard, but every year I’m the luckiest girl alive, so I don't complain.

The younger boys, between all the hugging and snacking, were getting restless with all the presents staring back at them. We decided to get the presents out of the way so we could enjoy dinner without having to worry about it.

We all took a seat in the living room, and all the cousins sat on the floor like we did every year. “Who wants to be Santa this year?”

My cousin Jamie sprang up and shouted “ME, ME, ME”.

His mom, Astrid, rolled her eyes. “If you're going to be Santa, you need to use your inside voice.” She giggled in my direction. I knew how stressful it was with those two boys. They were a handful, especially on the holidays.

Jamie started to pronounce the names on the presents. He was doing exceptionally well, except when he got to mine. It was a tricky one.

Typically, my grandmother gets my cousins and me similar presents to be fair to all of us. Jamie handed each of us an identical box with the help of his mom. The younger one, Ben, started to tear up. “I want to help pass out presents!” He whined. Astrid exhaled intensely and said, “Okay, you can help.” He went right to the tree and handed a particularly large one to my Aunt Jessica.

“Okay, girls, why don’t you open yours all together?” My grandmother said pleasantly, sitting back to enjoy. I knew this was one of the bigger gifts she’d gotten us.

In unison, we tore through the wrapping paper and peered down at the box. Delicately, I opened it. It was bright red with a white ribbon tied across it.

I was absolutely flabbergasted. I pulled out the necklace, a real pearl choker. My eyes welled up with tears, looking at how beautiful it was. “This is incredible. I’ve wanted one of these since I saw Cecile wearing it in the 7th grade.”

Everyone stared back at me with confusion. My eldest girl cousin, Evie, seemed to ask the question everyone was thinking: “Who’s Cecile?”

I let out a little laugh as I put the necklace on, while removing my faux gold chain from before. “What do you mean, who’s Cecile? Stop being a wise ass,” I chuckled back at her.

Their faces grew more and more mystified. “Jaylyn, who is Cecile? We don’t know a Cecile...” she responded, her eyes getting squinty.

“You know… Cecile, the girl we used to play with outside. She was like our best friend. That’s half of the reason we wanted to come back here all the time.”

Everyone in the room started to regain their composure after this, except Evie, who looked annoyed. “Come on, Jaylyn, we went along with that when we were kids, but we’re adults now. There is no Cecile. She was just your imaginary friend that we had to put up with. It was cute then, but it’s kind of disturbing to drag it on.”

Something lurched in my stomach. What kind of practical joke was this?

“Why are you being such an asshole? This joke isn’t even funny. Is this something you guys planned?” I asked grumpily. I was starting to get annoyed. This place was so much better when I was a kid.

“Jaylyn, sweetie. Cecile wasn’t real. You know that. You had a very active imagination as a kid. It was really quite cute.” My grandmother rebutted gently. What was everyone on about?

I started to get up, and everyone continued looking stupefied. “Look, guys, this is starting to piss me off. I’m going to go to the bathroom, and when I get back, we'd better drop this.” I stormed off to the bathroom. When I got back, Jessica had already opened her present; it was a new air fryer.

The night wound down, and everyone had dropped the Cecile joke. But something about the whole thing left an eerie feeling that wouldn’t subside. I barely touched any of my dinner and only had a few small bites of the homemade cake that Aunt Astrid made.

There had to be picture proof of Cecile in my grandmother’s photo album somewhere. For the next half an hour, I was scouring the photo albums while the rest of the girls played Spades at the table. They asked me to play, but when I declined rudely, they decided not to press the issue.

Finally, in a black photo album with the spine cracked, there she was. In her pearls on the swing set during springtime, wearing a lemon yellow dress. I was so excited to prove my point, I almost ripped the image as I made my way back to the table.

I cleared my throat at the head of the table. “If Cecile was so imaginary, then why does Grandma have a picture of her right here? It was a weird joke. Hopefully, next year you can come up with a better one.”

The first thing I noticed was how white my grandmother’s face went. The blood drained out so quickly, I could only assume she was having some kind of medical emergency. “Jaylyn… that’s who you based your imaginary friend on?”

”What? No. That’s what I’m saying to you. She wasn’t imaginary, there's a picture of her right here.”

The house went silent. My grandmother looked like she might fall out of her chair. “Jaylyn…. That’s my great Aunt Cecile. She’s been gone for decades. Is that… is that who you were playing with?”

A lump so large formed in my throat that I couldn’t answer. I shook my head yes.

My grandmother looked back up at me and immediately fainted.