Sorry, But I'm Tired of Rivarly

I'm still a college, still having a hard time with dissertation. This is my last semester and I'm still stuck on the chapter 4. I have no idea what am I doing right now. I sit down near the bench across the library, there is a tree right infront of me, I can't explain the feeling I get everytime I see it with different weathers. Sometimes the leaves just fly by, and sometimes the heat still gets in here. Sometimes it feels someone else following me from behind. I don't feel I'm more than something else, but just feel as if someone notice every step I take. Or even I try to remember each words inside my head. Now I get to the alley near my campus, some of the foodstores I always get something to eat. Funny enough sometimes in my mind from home I try to get there to study, instead I just eat and watch the scenery. But it's more than enough for me. Our building is quite wonderful, and try to get there and see the trees and some unique stuff there is more interesting than any kind of vacation. My mind keeps telling me to go to one of the most delicious foodstore there, enjoy some meals there before I meet my lecturer. Somehow Rain appears. One of the guys who try to approach me even though I always be a solitary person. He brings some cigarretes as usual, and share it with me. "Man I'm keep stuck on the chapter four. I think I'm the one who not graduates yet," I said with some tiredness, but try to laugh at the same time.

"Relax, Anthony, you will get it sooner or later." He tries to share me his laptop, I mean his project. Some of them that probably can give me some inspiration. He's not telling me about what kind of job he gets right now.

Probably one more prove he doesn't try to feel upper than me. I order the fried rice without any spicy stuff in there, and some chips. It's quite cheap by some standards, but not all of them. I even forget whether I'm already share my story with Dr E or not. He's my english teacher since I was 18. Nothing really interesting happens, he just left.

I try to walk inside the building where there are some people get into some communities with some sports group or something else. I used to think those kind of things already passed in high school. But these guys keep being optimistic anyway, doesn't even think if they won't able to get any kind of job once they kicked out.

The cold ambience feels great for me, and the floor on the basketball field feels really clean, sometimes I want to touch it. Not really for long, I get out from the building to get some fresh pasture right outside of it. There are some cars parked there. Sometimes I think about drive any car I want, and feel the different seat each of it, or even the transmission gears. Right there, there is Bob. A bold guy who once coloring his hair purple for the sake of his friends. Very dumb idea for me, I once try different haircuts, and I get nothing from it instead of just feeling the head on the back part of my head. "Hey Tony, try to get a lit?" He asks me with some chill expression I'm bored of. "I'm quit, man," I told him. "You can't quit. We can do it while we still young," he tries to reach me but I think of it as lecturing. "Ahh come on man, I keep trying to graduate, stop pissing me off," I said passively.

He just left me there, leaving me without any question. So I try to ride my bike, but I used to buy some bread to give me some support system. I already have some of them, the boardgames club, the english club, any kind of it includes missionary project. So I try to hop on my bike, and go straight to the pool to get some fresh water. I swim there as a spiritual practice, practice to hold my breath as long as possible, people said we can get some inspirations from it. But somehow I still can get the trigger anyway. Right besides the pool is a billiard pool and bowling, but I can't afford it. So I buy some cheeseburger besides it, still around the pool. Try to sunbathe there is the most luxurious thing I ever done. Sometimes I think by doing these kind of stuff can lead me to something in mind, because I know I can't control the thoughts arrive on my thinking, or even the words I try to write. So I grab some papers and pencil to write something, just for stimulate my brain. But somehow Rain still there to disturb me. "Hey Tony, I thought you're still circling around campus," he speaks right besides me, still on the same table. "Yeah man, I'm still normal anyway. I won't get insane just because a single task," I try to make things clear. "Uh-uh," he tries to teases me. I don't reacted, I'm busy enjoying the sun to get some pheromones.

"Try to play some pool?" Rain asked. "No way man, my hands too tired to even lift the stick," I reply. "How about teach that chick to drive your stick?" He tries to cold down situation, which is already cold.

"Very funny, dude," I reply sarcastically. I try to get some strokes again in there, it's funny that I can't even barely touch the water unlike me in the past. I used to very cheerful when it comes to play with water.

So I try to get some freestyle stroke one lap, then I get out from it. "Time for shower," I talk to myself and to Rain at the same time. And the shower feels nostalgic, the last time I get there is when I was 14, 8th grade. Back when my hormones still up. Until now for sure, but now things seem different.

"Let's get some pool dude?" Rain asked me. I don't feel challenged, since I'm too tired of all this assigments.

"Maybe some bowling, it looks fun," Iike colorful ambience lately.

"Yeah, sure why not," he replies. "I want to buy an ice cream first," I feel hungry. Or probably just to stimulate my brain so I can feel satisfied. He gets on my bike and ride to the pool to get some bowling.

"Wow, it's very clean," I'm quite excited. Rain probably thinks, "This is the think he likes about bowling?"

I grab the ball, the texture feels great. Both of us throw the ball neatly, never see the score. We all know what it can goes when it comes to competitive sports without any prize. We are tired of competitiveness, maybe you can get more interesting topic to talking about. Nevertheless, we still read our books in the room.

We get home happily, there is no plotwist, thank you.

Of course not, but I'm quite tired. "Let's get a new friend again," I ask. "Nothing man, not ever be."

"How about your new friend, George?" I ask him. "He's a troublemaker," he sighs. "For real?" I try to look excited, but cynical at the end. We grab some drink in a room together. "We did it, we finally did it man," I told him. "Yeah, paradise await for us," he looks on the wall upside, feels it as a night sky with full of stars.

I find a book titled, "A Love Probe". I know that book, it's written by Susan, with some estrange sound and stensile kind of stories, but it's a fuel to our ideas, wholesome ideas back in high school. I put some 80s songs we used to enjoy back then. It's christmas on 1989, tries to forget about things I don't need to remember. It's already done, creation is ended. I have no point about the topic of this story anyway. I don't even think it's a good idea to keep the some opinion about it. Negative constant on my dissertation still not arrive yet, and I will have some warmful conservation with my lecturer on 1 pm tommorow afternoon, but right now I fall asleep with Rain. Rain probably thinks about my problem as well. Sometimes I think how he cares about people like me, a man who always think about himself more than anything, and being ignorant of anyone who tries to reach for him.