Letting Go

The hallway was loud and bustling but I focused on the sound of my shiny black boots echoing down the hall. Click clack. A sound that somehow always satisfied me. The murmurings of everyone’s weekend plans whizzed past my ears as I made my way toward the double doors.

I stepped out into the crisp Fall air and a small pile of red and yellow leaves swirled up around me dancing as if to say hello. I smiled thinking the leaves were dancing just for me. I squinted toward the line of school buses half hoping mine already left. It hadn’t. Bus 18 was waiting for me with its cracked and peeling yellow paint and dusty old tires.

I slid into my usual seat in my usual row. Row six on the right. The only row with a broken window. The window slumped down about 2 inches and it stuck that way. I chose that seat for that very reason. In a weird way I could relate to this window. “PARKER!” my thoughts were interrupted by Bodhi’s voice. Bodhi Atler was my only friend. But maybe she wasn’t my friend. Bodhi was nice to everyone and I mean everyone. And everyone liked her back. But Bodhi got me. She was the only person at Junper Falls High who did. And maybe in the world. I raised an eyebrow giving Bodhi a slight smirk as she slid into the seat beside me. “Please tell me you’ll come tonight” Bodhi smiled ear to ear and her strawberry blonde curls bounced over her ocean blue eyes with every word she spoke. She was talking about a get together. A gathering. Some high school event I’d rather not ever attend. Bodhi was always encouraging me to “socialize.”

I shook my head pulling at a string on my purple hoodie. The bus lurched forward and sighed almost simultaneously with Bodhi’s sigh. “Parker..” Bodhi turned her whole body toward me and I caught a whiff of her coconut perfume. She always smelled like a tropical island. “Parker you know this is different and I NEED you there.” Bodhi’s bubbly demeanor changed. Her tone was serious. I just looked at her counting the freckles that splattered her nose and cheeks. She reached out and squeezed my hand. Her hands were soft and her pink sparkly nails perfectly matched her personality. “I’ll think about it” even I didn’t believe the words as they flowed from my mouth.

I stood in front of my long mirror in the corner of my bedroom. Staring at myself. Taking deep breaths and convincing myself I had to do this for Bodhi. Maybe it was Bodhi’s soft touch or comforting vibes or maybe it was her 65 text messages but she somehow convinced me to go. It wasn’t a party. Bodhi told me that. Just a few people hanging out. I pulled my hood over my long red hair and smoothed out the wrinkles. Just an hour. For Bodhi.

I didn’t know where I was going exactly but I had the address. I knew the area. It was 3 blocks from my house. The same street my childhood friend lived. I spent a lot of time in the neighborhood. Riding bikes, playing tag, exploring. But I wasn’t sure where this address was exactly. As I walked I realized just how cold it was. Halloween was only a few days a way and the nights were certainly getting colder. I could see my breath as I walked. It was quiet. But that wasn’t abnormal for this town. Click clack. The sound of my boots echoed on the sidewalk. The only sound I could hear.

I could hear the laughter and see the smoke from the bonfire before I reached the location. I say location because it wasn’t a house. Or a building. Bodhi and about seven other kids sat around the bonfire. I walked toward them but nobody even looked in my direction. I knew most of the kids including Marley. Marley was my childhood best friend who grew up on this road. Marley and I hadn’t spoken in four years. I don’t know why but we drifted apart.

I was torn between sitting down by the fire or turning and fleeing. Bodhi must have sensed that I was contemplating leaving because she grabbed my arm excitedly. “I’m so happy you’re here!” I wanted to give some sarcastic smart reply but I was quickly cut off. “Oh sweetheart!” I recognized the voice and it made me angry. It was my mother. Did she follow me here? I didn’t tell her where I was going and she never cared anyway. My sister Laken was with her. Of course she was. Laken was the definition of perfection. She had straight blonde hair and long legs. A “model” is what everyone called her. Laken didn’t attend my high school. We were only 14 months apart in age but Laken attended a private school because they had more to “offer her brain” that’s what my parents had said.

Bodhi hugged my mom and Laken. I stumbled backward because why was she hugging my mom. “Why are you…” I stumbled on my words trying to hold back the hot tears I felt building. My mom ignored me completely. “You’re all here! And Marley thank you so much.” Why was my mom thanking everyone. She should win an Oscar for her dramatics I rolled my eyes and stepped toward her. Bodhi put herself in between us. She held my mom’s hands. “She came” she whispered. Everyone fell quiet. Who came? Is everyone seriously just going to act like I don’t exist. I was angry and demanded answers.

My mom began sobbing. Asking if it was real. “Close your eyes” Bodhi instructed to the group. “Is this a prank?!?” I shouted loudly. Bodhi looked back at me and then turned around again. Suddenly I was taken back. Four years.

I was standing in Marley’s backyard laughing as we chased each other around. Marley’s older brother Dallas and his friend Tyson were teasing us. “Come check out the ledge…unless you’re too scared” Dallas taunted us. I always had a crush on Dallas and wanted to impress him. “I’m not scared!” I piped up. So the four of us crossed the road into a field. The field was large and led to what everyone in town called the ledge. I had never been there. I knew it was dangerous. It was drilled into my head since I was old enough to talk. The ledge was a rock cliff. An eroding rock cliff that sat overlooking a pond. The police had put up caution tape and fences but it didn’t stop kids.

Marley pulled at my sleeve “cmon that’s enough let’s go back you know we will be so grounded.” I rolled my eyes “oh Marley don’t be a baby!” I grinned at Dallas hoping he would be impressed. “You should be brave like Parker” Dallas winked at me. I was terrified but I didn’t let anyone know. I stepped onto the rocks and felt the ground shift under my feet. Gray rock crumpled like dirt as I stood there. Three feet from the edge of the cliff. “Go!” I gasped as I was suddenly back in the dark field surrounded by everyone. The same field that connected to “the ledge.” I hadn’t connected that until just now. “No” I said shakily. “NO” I screamed louder. Suddenly I was falling. Falling 30 feet slowly backward. The faces were a blur. The noises disappeared. I reached my arms up. Then nothing. Darkness.