The Beaux Ball

Portly Scribe Aforementioned was becoming frustrated with compiling the guest list for the next court ball at Camelot.

The last chance dance (laast chaance daance, daaarling!) had been such a success that a second chance last chance dance (second chaance laast chaance daance daaarling!) had been held, which was also a great success. The dances led to many new relationships forming and long standing relationships being refreshed and strengthened. And it seemed that one of the main reasons for the success was that the dance was an occasion to reunite couples who had become separated. Knights who had come to Camelot to join the Round Table had brought the sweetheart they left behind to Camelot for the ball and the ladies maids who served Queen Guinevere had invited the suitors they had not seen since coming to Camelot.

Those reunions had all been happy happenstance. But now King Arthur, in an attempt to recreate the happenstance, had sent out a proclamation inviting all those who had a previous relationship with the single knights and ladies to apply for an opportunity to be invited to the next affair, which would be grander than the dances, and would be titled The Beaux Ball.

As probably could have been predicted, there were numerous cases of dual or even multiple claims of past relationship being submitted. Portly Scribe could envisage that inviting multiple potential partners could lead to fights, maybe even murder on the dance floor! And that would quite upset the dignity of the occasion! After consulting King Arthur about his concerns, Portly Scribe had developed a follow-up screening proclamation system where multiple suitors were concerned. He sent out a further message to them which posed questions to determine the nature of the past relationship.

Many of the potential invitees had been disqualified when they gave answers such as ‘I saw her silhouette in the tower window’ or ‘I did but see him riding by.’

There had been many applicants who claimed a prior relationship with Sir Lancelot du Lac. Portly Scribe had been hoping to complete the screening of the applicants himself and only offer the most suitable one (in his opinion) to maintain the surprise and aura of happenstance. But he decided to share the replies with Sir Lancelot. Maybe he might remember one more fondly than the others.

Elaine A Atelainedoesitall: He will certainly remember our time together in the cave in the poplar grove.

(“Not a happy memory - a very painful one” said Sir Lancelot.)

Verity Truelove: He saved me and the other captives in the Dolorous Tower. I did not meet him. I signed the big thank you card but would like to thank him in person, if you know what I mean.

(“I do not have any clue about who that could be” said Sir Lancelot.)

Philomena: He climbed a tree to untangle my falcon.

(“It was a trap!” snarled Sir Lancelot. “I had to disarm myself to climb the tree which was passing tall with few branches to aid me. Then her husband appeared and said now he had me where he wanted me without armour or a weapon. I dropped down on the far side of the tree and hit him with a tree branch. I suppose she is looking for a replacement husband now!”

“There are about a dozen more applicants” Portly Scribe Aforementioned said.

“Send them all rejection notices and do not accept any further ones.”

But the applications for the opportunity to partner Sir Lancelot had not stopped and a whole string of applications appeared to come from one source. The names all bore the surname Atelainedoesitall. No sooner had one rejection been sent to a person with that surname than another arrived. There were generic messages which did not show a specific connection of the applicant to Sir Lancelot and ones which hinted at a lengthy deep connection. And there were some designed to give hints to her current occupation and identity.

Elaine The Fair Atelainedoesitall

Elaine The Lovely Atelainedoesitall

Lily Elaine Atelainedoesitall

Elaine in the Mirror Atelainedoesitall

Weaver Elaine Atelainedoesitall

Red Sleeve Elaine Atelainedoesitall

Lady Charlotte-Elaine Atelainedoesitall

“Those are all from OUR Elaine!” yelped Psycho Motor Dabrowski, one of the five canine writing companions of Little Plump Jo, the current Artisan in Residence in Malory Tennyson’s Cloudbank Cabin for Arthurian Studies. “You have to give her credit for persistence!”

The Dabrowski Dogs were able to hear and communicate with not only their mistress but also Malory Tennyson and all the fictional characters who inhabited Cloudbank Cabin. They had been listening to Portly Scribe’s frustrated narration about the stream of applicants seeking to accompany Sir Lancelot at The Beaux Ball.

Our Elaine was the character formerly known as Elaine the Fair, Elaine the Lovely, the Lily Maid of Astolat. She had told Little Plump Jo that she refused to nurse Sir Lancelot du Lac for months on end, fall in love with him and then die of unrequited love for him. She would not be floating down to Camelot in a flower decked barge with her lily and final letter to Sir Lancelot clasped in her dead hands. Instead she was now to be known as Lady Charlotte-Elaine, Lady of Shalott, and entrepreneur owner of Charlotte’s Web Weaving, Patron of the Arts and of Red Sleeve Care Provider Services. Although she claimed she would not be giving Sir Lancelot another thought, she really had never quite given up the idea that she could capture his heart.

“She would need to be able to demonstrate that she had a verifiable prior claim to a relationship with him” intoned Intellectual Dabrowski thoughtfully. “There is a fascinating discussion about this in Arthurian Intertextualities. Misreading and Rereading Malory’s Morte Darthur and the Alliterative and Stanzaic Mortes by Fiona Tolhurst and K.S. Whetter published by University of Michigan Press 2025.”

“As The Lily Maid of Astolat, Elaine was claiming relationship by the evidence that Lancelot carried her red sleeve on his helmet as a token in a joust and that she was in possession of his own shield. He left it with her, when he swapped it for her brother’s plain shield, in order to ride in disguise. She even tried to claim the legal position of wife by threatening to ‘appel’ Sir Bors and Sir Lavaine if Sir Lancelot died as a result of their careless actions in letting him ride too soon after he was wounded. But as The Lady of Shalott she really has no grounds to make such a claim. She only saw him from her tower window and set her heart on having him.”

“But Princess Elaine of Corbenic does have valid evidence with which to claim a prior relationship!” continued Intellectual warming to his topic. “She is the mother of Sir Lancelot’s son, Galahad.”

“What do you want me to do about all these applicants? And do you have any preference of partner for the Beaux Ball?” Portly Scribe Aforementioned asked Sir Lancelot with three days left until the ball.

“Send rejections to each one. Unless a suitable person arrives at court, I will attend the ball unaccompanied, in the role of Her Majesty Queen Guinevere’s champion.”

The day before the ball, a lovely lady arrived by carriage seeking to accompany Sir Lancelot to the Beaux Ball on the grounds of a prior relationship with him.

“He saved our village from a fearsome dragon and lifted a marble slab on a tomb to reveal his identity and fulfill a long standing prophecy.

Here shall come a leopard of king’s blood, and he shall slay this serpent,

and this leopard shall engender a lion in this foreign country,

the which lion shall pass all other knights.

He did all that and he fathered my son Galahad. I am Princess Elaine, daughter of King Pelles of Corbenic.” the lovely lady said.

“That is my cue to jump out the window and vanish for a couple of years!” exclaimed Sir Lancelot.