Echoes of the Hillside

I sat upon a hillside, all my life before me and behind me, somehow it is possible to already have lived your future, did you know that?

When you grow up, you have grand ideas of what your future and your life will be. Adventures, family, achievements, and the like! You set up dreams, ghosts of the future that you pray and beg for daily to come true, and you start to watch for the signs of these dreams becoming real. Then, one sister gets married, her dreams come true, and you think, I am a step closer to my turn for something grand! Another sister leaves, and the time draws nearer. Then yet another sister is married, now it’s your turn. But, somehow, it never comes. Somehow, life gets in the way and you stay, right where you are, right in the same place, and even though those desires still live so bright and clear in your heart, your mind proclaims back the futility of them. So, it begins, the long slow process of burying all your dreams. One by one they are laid away and you see the truth, to be left behind does not always mean an abrupt happening. No, it is very often slow and painful. Then one day you wake up and they are all gone, the ghosts of your heart's passions have departed. Leaving a hollow spot that you attempt to fill up with mundane tasks so as to feel fulfillment in something! Anything!

Now I sit upon a hillside and look out on the plains, for it is here that the ghosts of my desires now live. Upon the Echoes of the hills I see them play. I behold the thundering of horses, that silly girlhood dream, the farthest fetched of all the ghosts. I smirk at the idea of becoming someone all others will remember, what a fool I was! Then I watch the solemn ghost, the one full of thought and study, the one finding out new things about this world, studying the stars! That one fills me with a little pain, for the stars still wheel over my head every night. I see the ghost with wings next, he soars and my heart rises, oh to fly the great machine, to be in the heavens in the only way possible for man! Oh what a heart-raising glory it would have been.

I see the ghost of what might have been if I had met the right one, I see the joy and pain, the laughter and anguish, too suffer in this world alone is a terrible curse. One I must learn to call my own. The glory of sharing one's hopes and desires with another is fated by the Lord to be a craving upon all his creatures. Ah, when this cannot be fulfilled, how bitter indeed is our lot.

I hear the laughter, the voices of those who will never come into this world and I turn my head to the ground, unable to bear the sorrow. Why would I not be allowed to cherish this most precious gift as so many others have done before me?

I feel the touch of a hand upon my shoulder. I look up and my heart softens in its pain.

“Who are you?” I ask as I look into the face of a ghost far too grand and mighty for my imagination.

He smiles, “You know me.”

I furrow my brow and peer deeply into his eyes and a vast soul opens before me. I feel as if I am falling and then the ground grows before me and I feel the thundering of horses beneath my feet, I look and behold what I had always dreamed of, I am a trainer and I see the fruit of my work in the mighty steeds standing in long rows of a great stable, but my heart drops, I feel no fullness here, I see only a futile attempt at wealth.

The stable fades and I stand before a crowd of thousands, my voice tightens and I hear their applause, my soul cowers, I do not belong here, I must leave!

This is replaced by something a little more my pace. I sit before piles and pages of books, I see my research laid out before me and I smile, surely this is what I had always desired. I look down and begin to read a paper with my handwriting scribbled in the lines, my heart fades a little. No, this too is futile.

I watch with sorrow as this one is replaced with the steel body of a plane, my soul lifts a little as I see the heavens so close, I could almost reach out and touch them, but why do I feel no higher calling in this either? What am I looking for?

All these ghosts fade away and I am left back on the hillside. The strange ghost still stands before me and I am still peering into his eyes.

“This is not all the ghosts I desired!” I complain.

“Is it not?” He raises an eyebrow.

“No!” I point to one of a future love and I motion to the other with the laughter of those who are naught.

“Are those ghosts?” he questions.

“Of course!” I proclaim.

“Are any of these ghosts?” He asks.

I grow still, looking out on the hillside I wonder at what a ghost really is, at what a dream is and I wonder at what I see. Am I meant to live out any of these? Is there still time to pursue them? And why would I?

“Who are you?” I whisper.

“You know me.” He repeats.

“I know no such ghost as you.”

“I am not a ghost.” He whispers.

“What are you?”

“I am a thing of the heart, created by the almighty God to build inside of His creatures something to fall back upon when their dreams are becoming so distant they appear to be ghosts of the past.”

“But they are ghosts of the past; they have left me behind.” I cry.

“No my dear, you have chosen to stay behind, and nothing can be a ghost that has not yet happened; these are simply dreams.”

“Are you then a dream?”

“No, a dream can only exist when we choose to follow the Lord’s leading into that dream's future. I exist no matter what, even when I am buried by the care and toil of this world.”

“Who are you?” I ask once more and reach out to touch him. He disappears. I let my hand touch the air where he had just stood and in my heart I know his name.

The Echoes of the Hillside still cry out, but I hear their voice clearly now. I stand and take one step forward, hand in hand with Hope.