Songs of the Heart

Opening Remarks

Love is a curse that imbeds deep within the soul, wrapping around the heart like a vise. It does not suffocate nor rot—a stagnant limbo, it is. A blank canvas just for you and me. The memories go pop, pop, dyeing everything in twilight. So pure. So precious. So utterly filthy.

The dead don’t speak, so they can’t accept or reject this love. Spilling every thought out loud is not enough; It will never be enough. You, my desired recipient, will never hear my cries of honesty. You will never know how I desire to dominate you—to control you— while at the same time waiting to hug you, to support you. Being by your side was enough, even if these thoughts are conflicting.

The duality of this beast is just like the gods Pothos and Himeros: the matinee is Pothos, while the soiree is Himeros, and my thoughts are the lyrical stories that devour the audience. When the curtain falls, what will be left?

For viewer discretion there is mention of gore, self harm, suicide, biblical references and some explicit language. Not suited for younger audiences. Guardian supervision is advised.

Pothos Matinee

Cherry Blossom Smile

The past can never be rewritten; I am always haunted by the memory of you as our days fade away. The time I spent with you—I loved it all. But I can’t promise that the memories will stay with me. The memories of our time together begin to disappear one by one, and I know that they will never return.

Your smile is a cherry blossom that blooms in spring. I loved seeing it everyday. I just wanted to spend more time with you and to get to know you a little better. One of the biggest mistakes I made was ignoring everything. The day you died, I knew that there was something wrong. I ignored all the signs, leaving you alone. Had I paid more attention to you, could you still be alive today? If I had been by your side more, you could be the one laughing next to me. Now that is something I can only dream for.

Your smile is a cherry blossom that blooms in spring. It shines more than the sunset. I loved seeing it everyday, as it brought a smile to my face as well. I never knew how important you were going to be to me. I realized after you died. But I didn’t even have the courage to tell you that I love you—I’m too late.

Your smile is a cherry blossom that blooms in spring. I loved seeing it everyday. I just wanted to spend more time with you and to get to know you a little better. That is something I can only wish for.

The Lovers

Looking back, if you were still alive, the both of us would be 20 years old this year. You have no clue how much I adore you—the sole patron time stopped for.

Don’t fly away; stay within sight. Please don’t watch me cry. Don’t notice how much I miss you. Bittersweet memories of bygone days… Shadows of the past haunt me, following eternally. No matter how deep the void may be, the warmth is still there. No one will understand; I don’t understand myself. This warm flame—deep down, I know it’s love.

Bittersweet memories of bygone days. This honest smile appears for your eyes only. No matter how deep the void may be, your warmth is still there.

Tsubomi

Daydreaming throughout the year,

one more time let me see that cherry blossom smile.

I, the forgotten remnant you left behind

blooms silently in the city alleys.

Both conceited and lost, not knowing which direction to take,

at this pace this seedling won’t be able to bloom.

How magnanimous of you to share your warmth.

This wilting flower feels rejuvenated.

You are my goddess, my oxygen, my sun—

I am totally hopeless without you.

I’m such a mess.

The Moon

After a millennium passes, alone I stand waiting for you. Bypassing that illusion—a mockery of the original. Put away that misplaced pity. For it’s impossible to be lonely when one falls in love. Believing with all of my heart: In a world filled with lies, you are my truth.

Gazing up at the heavens, I’ll continue to watch you from the abyss. Please visit my dreams once more and give this insect warmth.

As my broken soul crumbles, a faint prayer remains: In exchange for erasing my existence let her memory soar. Don’t let her be forgotten.

Himeros Soiree

Nightlife Eden

Let us feel this ecstasy building up through our one-night stand, living in euphoria as we slowly descend to decadence. That warmth, that touch, that scent, such an irresistible apple.

Who gives a fuck about consequences? Rattling my brain, submitting to the sin that is you. Just like Adam and Eve, curating our own Eden, losing ourselves to pleasure.

What remnants will be left behind? Till we meet again.

The Hanged Man

Behind these barren walls, you await helplessly to be saved, not realizing that no one is coming to rescue you. The television broadcasts a missing person's report. You will never step out in the dawn of light again—forever mine.

I love everything about you, a toxic love that none can escape from. I love the imperfect you, you’re the only one who shines in my eyes. We’ll be together till death do us part. Okay.

You’re my god the one who baptizes my blasphemous sins. Keeping myself fully devoted that, I’ll even make a deal with the devil. That horrified expression of yours—makes your eyes shine radiantly. I want to pluck them from your skull. I want to claim them as my trophies. Seeing you wallow in despair, I want to defile you more. I’ll exterminate those insects who dared attempt to steal you away. Let’s make them wish that they never came to existence.

That day something died inside me. These feelings of mine melt into poison.

I love everything about you, a toxic love that none can escape from. I love the imperfect you, you’re the only one who shines in my eyes. If you were to fall from grace. You’ll still be the brightest of them all. The one that burns through the night sky and I’m the beast that beguiles in the darkness.

We’ll be together till death do us part…my love

Begonia Vow

Here we go again with the same old shtick—It has become annoyingly tedious. Here’s what my mama told me. What is the sole thing money cannot buy—Yes, it’s love. Failing to understand the meaning of precious until we crossed paths, you’re the one thing I can't attain, yet I continue to hold this selfish wish close to my heart. You’re a miraculous jewel that outshines the rest. My special someone, I give you my thanks. Only you can stir my heart like this, having me fall to such degree.

Our adolescent days won’t return, I continue to count them. There is one thing I mustn’t do. That is to blame you for something out of my control—I won’t allow that. You supported me all this time. If reasonings taint, I don’t deserve you. I’ll become anyone you want me to be, but can I really say that what I do is for you? After many years nothing changed. Holding this unrequited love here. Having yet to tell you my love. I won’t let this end.

Sleep tight, sleeping beauty. I will bet this all on rebirth—my one last chance to meet you. Till we meet again beneath the blooming cherry blossoms.

Wheel Of Fortune

All that is holy was eradicated in one fell swoop. I can no longer live a single day without you—My shining star who took away my darkness, flickering away, never to appear again.

Clinging to a faint hope, driving this mind of mine to the brink of insanity… Let's play a game of Russian roulette. This round the bullet is mine. The time has come for me to pull this sweet trigger and hear the revolver go click, click. Let me follow you to death.

Damn it! The cylinder is empty. Not even Azrael will let me be selfish.

What will the future bring? The hand dealt are all high cards, never a royal flush. Frustration becomes an all time high, rationality fades, and I hand over every single one of my chips.

Gamble everything to even out the odds! I have nothing left to lose; no one is waiting for me at home. Goodbye to those warm, home cooked meals.

The agony of not being able to hear your laughter… Being robbed of such a luxury, a happiness that’s out of reach. Life is one big farce.

I found my answer. Once these humans are be rid of, I’ll create a paradise. For the two of us. Our very own Eden.

What can I do for you? How can I show you that my love is eternal? Allow me to follow you to death. I will follow you to death.

Closing Remarks

Ladies and Gentleman I would like to express my deepest gratitude for you listening to my stories. I’m a meek person who’s not really bright but when writing I become a beast. It was a source of freedom and coping mechanism. Thank you for listening and I hope you enjoyed yourselves.