Green Eyes

Aubrey

Aubrey Herald knew these things to be true: the sun would rise tomorrow, Maisey was the cutest kid ever, and she hated Bowan Archibald. The Bowan Archibald with the stupid dimpled smile and impossibly green eyes. The Bowan Archibald who promised to love her and then vanished into the wind. The same Bowan Archibald who was now only a few feet away, casually reading the label on a can of cream of mushroom soup as if he hadn’t ripped out Aubrey’s heart and shattered it into a million pieces.

“Excuse me, dear,” said an elderly voice from behind her. Startled, Aubrey nearly dropped her basket as she darted out of the way of a petite, dandelion-haired woman reaching for the Corn Flakes. To add to her mortification, when she glanced back over at her Ghost of Boyfriends Past, she found those emerald eyes locked on hers. So, she did what any rational twenty-four-year-old woman would do in her situation: she bolted.

Basket abandoned in the aisle.

Old lady blinking at her in shock.

Her name called after her in a warm voice deepened by age yet as familiar to her as the fist squeezing around her heart.

A voice she’d not heard in six years.

Parked in her driveway, Aubrey took an extra moment to compose herself, forehead resting against the steering wheel, staring blankly at the cracked leather of the seat.

Get yourself together, she chided. You did not fall apart when he left and you sure as hell are not going to fall apart just because he dares to show his face here again.

There was that familiar spark of anger. The fan to the flame that has been biting at her heels since the second line appeared on the pregnancy test. She had no choice but to keep moving forward. For Maisey’s sake.

Resolved, Aubrey got out of the car with her head held high.

She had pulled herself up by her bootstraps and built a life for herself and Maisey that she could be proud of. She was not about to let Bowan reduce her to a scared eighteen-year-old.

This changes nothing.

***

Bowan

This changes everything.

She was right there. The miles and years and heartbreak that divided them reduced to a dozen or so feet. She looked like the ghost that haunted his every day. Her hair the same reddish-brown. Her eyes like melted chocolate. Bowan knew this girl like he knew his own reflection, yet here they were like strangers.

He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and beg for forgiveness. It was why he’d come back. To find her. To explain everything. Six years he’d kept himself away. Had stopped short of dialing her number countless times. Had gripped his keys in his hands so hard they’d left marks before putting them back onto the nightstand of the seedy motel he’d been holing up in. Whenever he wavered, he reminded himself that he’d made the right choice. The best thing he could do for Aubrey, and for that baby, was to get as far away as possible from them both. Nevertheless, even on his worse nights, when his lumpy pillow bore the brunt of his screams and soaked up his tears, he still dreamt of her.

None of his dreams featured running into her at the grocery store off the highway, holding a stupid can of soup of all things. He’d looked up at the sound of voices, but it was like the world stopped spinning as his mind comprehended that the startled looking woman in the cereal aisle was none other than his Aubrey.

She’s not your anything.

A point cemented by the fact that Aubrey took one look at him and darted out of the store. He called after her, her name on his tongue like a prayer, but she was gone so fast he could almost imagine that she’d been a figment of his imagination had she not left behind her basket. Before he could think the better of it, he stuffed the soup back onto the shelf and chased after her.

It was not until he was scanning the parking lot, heart thundering in his ears as his past and his future collided, that he realized how stupid he was. He didn’t know what car she drove or where she lived. And even if he did, what was his plan, to follow her home? Stalking her was probably not going to work out in his favour.

Desperation gripped him as he considered that the brief glimpse he’d caught of her might be the last time he’d ever see her. He could not have it end here. Not after getting so close.

He didn’t know where to find Aubrey, but perhaps he knew someone who did…

***

Aubrey

“Mommy!”

Aubrey had only a moment to set down her purse before Maisey came running into the room, barrelling into Aubrey with the force of a small wrecking ball.

“Oof! Hi kiddo,” she said, stroking her daughter’s blond hair. Maisey wrapped her arms around Aubrey’s waist, looking up at her with the same remarkable green eyes she’d only ever seen on one other person. “Where’s Jae?”

As Maisey led Aubrey back toward the kitchen, Jae’s voice drifted toward them. “…lot to take in. I – I think she’s back now. Look, I have to go.”

They rounded the corner just as Jae was sliding her phone back in her pocket. Her eyes darted between Aubrey and Maisey, colour rising in her cheeks. Aubrey tilted her head. “Why do I have a feeling I’m not going to like this?”

Jae grinned sheepishly. “Mae-mae, why don’t you go play for a bit while your mom and I talk?”

“Okay!” Maisey shouted and skipped into the living room.

“So…” Jae started, sitting down at the island and patting the stool next to her.

“Oh God, this is something I have to sit down for?” She scanned the room. “What did you break?”

Jae put a hand to her heart. “The accusations! I will have you know that I was an impeccable babysitter. We played with Play-Doh and coloured and –”

“Jae…”

Her friend sighed. “I…you won’t believe who I just spoke to…”

Aubrey’s heart squeezed. She knew where this was heading. “Don’t even say his name.”

Jae looked flabbergasted. “You – you know?”

“I just ran into him. At the store.”

At that, Jae’s eyes, which had been round like saucers, narrowed. She peered past Aubrey into the hallway. “And the groceries are…?”

“You are not insinuating what I think you are,” Aubrey protested, rising from her seat. She had too much pent-up energy. Too many emotions coursing through her to sit still. “I would never.”

Jae cast a glance at Maisey. “I mean…clearly not neeeever.”

Aubrey stared at her friend flatly. “Circling back to why the hell you’re talking to…him?”

“He’s trying to find you.”

That took her aback. “What? Why? He made it clear he wants nothing to do with us. Did he suddenly grow a conscience? I’m not here to entertain whatever whim this is.”

“I…” Jae bit her lip. “It’s…it’s not my place to tell. And he didn’t tell me everything, but what he did…I think you should hear him out.”

“Who are you and what have you done with my best friend? You hate the guy. You said from the get-go that he was bad news and, evidently, you were right. What could have possibly said that changed your mind?”

“I said his pretentious family was bad news, there’s a difference. As for what he had to say…well, I really think you need to hear it from him.” Jae pulled a sticky note out of her pocket and handed it to Aubrey.

Aubrey stared at the phone number the way one might stare at a dirty diaper.

“Just think about it,” Jae said, giving Aubrey’s shoulder a squeeze as she brushed past her. “Sometimes not everything is how it seems. Don’t you owe it to Maisey to at least hear him out?”

As Jae said goodbye to Maisey and gathered her things, Aubrey stared at the phone number on the counter. She moved the sticky to the fridge so she could fix Maisey and herself supper, but the entire time she ate, she could feel it behind her. She cleaned up and played with her daughter. The number taunted her. She gave Maisey a bath and tucked her in. The number was practically screaming for attention. With a frustrated growl, Aubrey tore the number off the fridge and, before she could change her mind, dialed.

It only took one ring for Bowan’s “Hello?” to sound in her ear.

“This better be good.”

***

Aubrey

What were you supposed to wear to see the man who broke your heart?

Something damn fine, Jae had said. Yeah right. Like she was about to dress up just to see Bowan. But then again, there was something to be said for showing him what he was missing. So, perhaps Aubrey did spend a little extra time getting ready that morning. She curled her eyelashes before applying mascara. She ran a pink gloss over her lips. She left her hair to fall down her back in her natural waves, ignoring the inner voice that told her it was because she remembered that Bowan liked it like that.

She could see him through the coffee shop window, sitting alone at a table, looking at something on his phone. Aubrey couldn’t believe what she was about to do.

For Maisey, she reminded herself. If there really was a reason he left, as he’d emphatically claimed there was, she owed it to her daughter to see if this man was someone she could allow to be a part of their lives.

Guilt twisted in her stomach. She’d told Topher she was catching up with an old friend over coffee. She wasn’t ready to get into it all, and really, she didn’t know what it was. Bowan had left her without a word after finding out she was pregnant. Had given her a kiss and promised her that they’d figure it out and then disappeared out of her life. Evidently, he’d figured it out on his own. She’d screamed and cried and called him but he’d blocked her number. The boy she’d loved, who had been kind and funny and caring and sexy…It took her too long to see that he could also be cruel.

As if sensing her thoughts on him, Bowan looked out the window then, and once again Aubrey was stricken with the instinctive way his gaze found hers. She couldn’t very well leave now, so she gathered her wits, reminded herself that this changes nothing and sat down across from the one who got away.

They regarded each other for a moment, Aubrey apprehensive and Bowan looking at her with a mixture of hesitation and…longing? She must have been imagining it.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Bowan said by way of introduction.

Aubrey crossed her arms. “I’m not the one who left.”

“You’re right. You can’t begin to know how sorry I am for how I left things. There’s not a day that’s gone by that I haven’t thought about you. And…?” He trailed off, hope blossoming across his expression.

“A girl,” Aubrey said begrudgingly. “Maisey. She’s six.”

“Maisey,” he repeated with a smile, and hearing their daughter’s name from his lips cast another net on the tangled mess of feelings within her. “Maisey Archibald.”

“Herald,” Aubrey snapped, a wave of guilt spilling over at the hurt that flashed across his expression. Then another flare of anger at herself for giving a shit what Bowan felt. He clearly didn’t share the sentiment.

“Of course.” He cleared his throat. “My father died.”

That was not what she was expecting. “I’m…sorry?” she offered.

“I’m not,” he replied matter-of-factly.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“It has to do with everything. You need to know why I left. Even if you hate me. Even if you never forgive me. But now I have the freedom to tell you everything without worrying that they would take her away.”

Aubrey sat up straighter. “Maisey?”

Bowan ran a hand over his face. If she allowed herself to look at him, really look at him, she could see how tired he looked. “I’m not articulating well. Seeing you again…I never thought…” He exhaled slowly, eyes pleading. “I left because if I hadn’t, my parents would have fought for custody of Maisey. And with their money and lawyers and…your background,” he added hesitantly, “I was scared shitless that they’d have won.”

“W-what?”

“You know how they are. Their bullshit obsession with status and legacy. They’d have seen to it that I go off to school and follow in their footsteps. But at the same time, they’d have felt entitled to Maisey. They’d see her as their flesh and blood, heiress to their empire. Basically like their property.” There was so much disdain in his voice it was clear that after all this time, there was no love lost between him and his parents. “The only thing I could think of to do was to leave before they found out she existed.”

Aubrey let that sink in, then asked, “It never occurred to you that we could have left together? That you could have told me any of this? Even if you thought you were protecting us, you left me to raise a baby alone at eighteen. Knowing how I’d felt growing up without a father. And you did that to her!”

“I’m so sorry,” he said, choked up. “I couldn’t trust they wouldn’t have someone keeping tabs on me. Until I got my life together, until I was sure they wouldn’t try to take her, I felt it best to stay away. And it doesn’t excuse anything, Aubrey, but it damn near killed me. You are the only woman I’ve ever loved. Knowing how I left you, knowing you probably hated me…” His voice broke. “Knowing I would miss out on her life killed me.”

The entire axis upon which Aubrey’s world spun shifted. Reversed. Took her back through every time she’d felt hatred and resentment and heartbreak. He was telling the truth. She was sure of it, but how could it be that their truths were so different? She’d spent the past six years thinking he’d abandoned them. That he’d not cared at all for her or their baby. That he was just a selfish, flippant boy who had used her and had his fun until things got too real. Finding out now that he’d done it to…protect them? Protect her? In all the versions of the future where she had the chance to see Bowan and tell him just what she thought of him, never had she imagined that he’d been hurting just as much as she had.

The more they spoke, the more Aubrey felt the fabric of her reality unravelling. And, along with it, her anger. When it felt like she could take in no new information without imploding, she stood up and said, “This is…a lot. I…I need to think.”

“I’ve waited six years for this moment,” Bowan replied. “I think I can wait a little longer.”

Aubrey gathered her things, feeling like her life was, once again, split into Before and After. She’d woken up this morning hating the man across from her and now here she was considering introducing him to Maisey. She shook her head, making for the door.

“Bowan?” Aubrey stopped in the doorway. “She has your eyes.”

***

Bowan, two years later

“Daddy, catch!” Maisey called, throwing the frisbee to him in a lopsided whip that nearly took out his nose. She cackled with glee as he feigned falling. The summer sun beat down on them, cicadas buzzing in the trees, Maisey’s braid bouncing as they ran around his yard. He still couldn’t believe how lucky he was. Lucky that Aubrey had allowed him into Maisey’s life. Lucky that Maisey had accepted him in stride, talking his ear off about school and Barbies and music.

He would never make up for the years they missed, but he soaked up every moment he got to spend with his daughter. They had no formal custody arrangement, but he made it a point to stop by and see her a few times a week. Having succumbed to her asking, last year, Aubrey had even started letting Maisey spend the night at his new house. He couldn’t get enough of dancing around the kitchen as they made dinner and reading her bedtime stories. He was often the one asking for just one more story. The only thing missing was Aubrey.

Obviously, he hadn’t expected her to wait for him. Not with how he’d left. But he’d be lying if he didn’t admit, at least to himself, that a small part of him ached every time he saw her with Topher. He wanted to dislike the other man, but he couldn’t. He’d accepted Bowan’s presence in their lives with grace, he treated Maisey well, and Aubrey seemed happy.

In the grand scheme of things, Bowan Archibald was a lucky man.

***

Aubrey, six months later

Aubrey had known it the moment she’d first looked into those green eyes.

She’d resented it when he’d broken her heart.

She’d denied it the long years after that, because it was easier to feel anger than hurt.

Admitting it to herself was hard. Admitting it to Topher was harder. But once it was out there, she could ignore it no more than she could ignore the sun in her eyes.

Aubrey Herald knew these things to be true: the sun would rise tomorrow, Maisey was the cutest kid ever, and she was in love with Bowan Archibald.