Extreme Measures

Sean

His family didn't want a wake. I guess they're more of the short funeral, quick burial type. His dad stands up there and gives the eulogy with a quavering voice. I've never known him to care much about Adler; I can't tell if it's performative, or genuine. I glance at Alessandra. She watches his dad speak with a focused intensity.

My back aches from sitting in this chair. Why are all funeral home chairs so darn straight?

His cousin walks up to us after the service. She lays a hand on Ally's arm. “Alessandra, Sean, I am so sorry. I know how close you were.”

Ally nods. Overcome with emotion. The poor girl. Her mascara follows the tear that rolls down her cheek. “Thanks, Faye.”

I reach out and grasp her hand. “Good to see you again, Faye.”

“You too.” She smiles weakly and walks off to speak to another attendee.

I lean down to speak into Ally's ear. “Crying in front of the family. Nice touch.”

If looks could kill…. “What is that even supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. You're so theatrical.”

“I miss my friend, not that you would know what that's like. You don't even look like you care.”

“Hey, I miss him, too. But I'm not going around bawling my eyes out about it.”

“I'm not 'bawling my eyes out'!” She swipes at her eyes, smearing her eyeliner even worse.

I steady her, grasping her shoulder. “Here. Hold still.” I try to fix it with a tissue. The corner of it scrapes across her eye.

“Stop! That hurt. You're making it worse.” She yanks out of my hold and stomps off to the bathroom. I shrug and walk out to the truck. We have to be the first there, so she better hurry up.

“Went ahead and took it all off, huh?”

“So it appears.” She is in a really bad mood. What did I even do?

“I like you better without it. You looked like a raccoon or something.” Her eyes narrow. I glance away; I can't help it. “What?”

“Do not talk to me, Sean. I am so not in the mood.”

“It's not a bad thing, Ally. Lots of guys don't even like makeup, so if you look good without—”

“Shut. Up.” She hisses out of her teeth, staring out the window at the mountains.

I don't get it. Even when I compliment her, I can't say the right thing. I don't consider myself a timid guy. I grew up in a funeral home, after all; lying in bed knowing there's a couple of dead bodies downstairs tends to inoculate a person against irrational fears. But Ally... that's not an irrational fear. The girl could make Chuck Norris want to sink into the floor when she gets like this.

When they lower the casket into the vault, it seems to hit everyone that they've really lost Adler. I stare at the ground and think about stupid stuff we did when we were kids. Hearing people cry kind of makes me want to dig a hole (maybe a joke for another time, now that I think of it) and bury myself.

I freeze when Ally leans against me. We've been friends forever, but we don't do this. We've hardly touched since That Day that we don't talk about. I slowly bring my arms up around her. She leans her head against my chest. I wonder if she's only doing this to prove how much she cared about Adler to his family.

The guests gradually leave, each in a tear-sodden mess. I have to wonder if anyone would cry like this over me. It seems a little dramatic. Eventually his parents lay their white roses next to the hole. They walk away to the SUV that Adler drove into the house when he was thirteen. Worst driver ever. I smile a little.

“Are they gone?”

“Not yet. You might want to start sobbing now. That'll really convince them that you're devastated.” Ally and Mrs. Quinn have always had this thing against each other.

She doesn't rip away, but I feel her want to. She would if they weren't just behind us. “You can't be serious if your life depends on it, can you? Don't you realize how serious this is, Sean?”

The corner of my mouth jerks. I save her the effort and put my hands in my pockets. “I was just trying to help,” I mutter.

The gravel behind us crunches ominously as they drive out slowly.

She squeezes her hands together. “I'm so scared this won't work.”

“Don't be. We have a great cover.” I pull the card from my pocket, and she takes it. Our fingers do not touch.

Rutherford & Sons Funeral Home

Offering Traditional Funeral and Cremation Services,

Pre-Arrangement Planning and Grief Support Resources

Located in Ketchikan Alaska

Sean Rutherford Sr: 907-555-0100

“Will they really believe your dad would let you seal a vault?”

I shrug. “It's the truth, so too bad for them if they don't.”

She looks at the ground. “Thank you, Sean. For doing this with me.”

I don't look at her. “Of course. Adler's my best friend.”

Her eyes register the veiled jab, but she doesn't retaliate. We approach the still open vault. I grasp the edge and swing myself down. I kneel on the varnished wood of the casket. This feels so, so wrong. She passes me down the drill; I open the top half. "Is he all right?"

The freckles stand out on Adler's pale skin. I press my fingers to his neck. “Yes.” I glance up. The concern painted across her face irks me for a reason I can't even name. “Ali, you look so sus right now.”

She straightens up and looks around. “No one can see.”

“Well, pretend they can. Your job is to stand up there like a grieving lover.”

“I am not—”

“Right.” I roll my eyes.

“I'm not! Are you being serious right now?”

I start up the drill.

Adler

How long have I been asleep?

I bring my knee up in an effort to sit up. It hits something. A dull thud resonates in the space.

My hands fly up. They connect with a smooth, unforgiving surface eight inches above my chest. Panic surges through me, streaming through the foggy remnants of my consciousness like a beam of light. My hands scramble to figure out what on God's green earth is going on. It's a cool, smooth interior. It encases me from a few inches on each side, a few inches from my face. I push myself down until the bottom of my feet hit the end. It's a box. Why am I in a box?

Am I dead? No. My heart wouldn't be pounding like this if I was dead.

Is this a prank? When we were kids, hanging out in Sean's dad's funeral home, we always joked about locking each other in a casket. Maybe that's what this is.

I will murder them. Growing up with an undertaker's son has supplied me with plenty of ideas. I pound on the wood with my fist. “Sean? This isn't funny!!”

Something crackles next to my ear; I fling my arm out in surprise. My elbow connects with the side of the box, and I wince.

“Adler?”

I curse him.

“Bro. Calm down.”

“I don't know where I am, but you better come get me out of this thing right now.”

“Alright, listen—”

“You're so dead. It's not even funny how dead you are, Sean.”

“Adler? This is Alessandra—”

“Oh, hey. You're dead too.”

”We had to knock you out—”

“What?”

Sean comes back on. “Shut your mouth and listen to us. This is important.” I figure out where the sound is coming from. There's a walkie talkie taped to the lid. The speaker button has been taped down, so I don't have to hold it, and it's rigged to extra batteries. I guess we have reverted back to childhood completely. “There's a flashlight behind your head.” I find it. I grip the cool, textured handle and think how great it'll be for clobbering them over the head when I get out of this thing. “Listen very carefully. You know all that research you've been doing on secret societies?” Yeah… it started as a homework assignment and gradually grew into an interest. I don't believe half the stuff I've read about it. I just find it extremely interesting. I flick on the light. Sure enough. I'm the meat in a sandwich of red velvet and ivory lid.

Alessandra comes back on. “There were these guys in the coffee shop, they were sitting behind us, and—”

“Us? As in, you and Sean. At a coffee shop. Did you finally ask her out, Sean?”

“No! We were studying for the exam,” he mumbles. I grin. They're both silent for a moment; probably glaring at each other, if I know them.

“What about these guys? Can you at least tell me where I am right now?”

“They were wearing sunglasses. And they were talking about you, said you were uncovering things, that they needed to neutralize you.”

I laugh. “Nice try, guys. Get me out.”

“We aren't joking! This is real. They were serious.”

“This is so stupid.” I reach for the walkie talkie again. “Does this thing have other channels? I'm calling for help.”

“No!! No, you can't do that!” The raw panic in her voice gives me pause. “Look, Adler. We had to fake your death to hide you. Everyone thinks you're dead. Your funeral was this morning.”

I stare at the lid of my prison. “Alessandra, please tell me this is a practical joke.” My words are measured.

“I wish it was.”

“You actually convinced people I'm dead?”

“Yes.”

“You guys are insane. I can't stay in here forever!! I'll suffocate within an hour.”

“You won't suffocate. Sean drilled air holes in the top.”

Oh, they were drilling next to my face. That's comforting.

“This is criminal. You know that, right? You BURIED ME ALIVE!”

“Would you have rather been buried dead?!”

“Please tell me I at least died in an interesting way.”

“Motorcycle crash. You were mangled so bad that we couldn't even open the casket. Conveniently, my dad is still at his work conference in New York. I was so torn with grief that I insisted on attending your body myself.”

“Please never say that to me again.” I pause. “Whose motorcycle??”

“You stole Ali's brother's.”

“I stole it? There goes my reputation as a good little preacher's son.”

“Doesn't matter—you're dead!”

I groan and cover my face. “My life is ruined. Completely ruined.”

“You're alive. You're welcome.”

Alessandra

Once the moon rises over the trees, we creep out of our hiding spot in the woods. I'm grateful for the light, but as we walk over the graves, I can't help but wish it was dark so I didn't have to remember every horror movie I ever watched in stupid midnight boredom.

“He hasn't said anything for a while. Did he fall asleep?”

“He's probably going to hit the ground running and turn us in as soon as we set him free.”

“And then all our hard work will go to waste, and we'll rot in jail regretting our choices of friends.”

“Yeah, well.” He glances at me. “If I had to choose someone to be on trial with, it would be you.” I look away to hide my smile. “You're the only one with a head hard enough to break through the walls.” He amends his statement. As usual.

“How flattering.” I kneel next to him. “Thanks for a horrible picture to fall asleep to.”

“Nah. You would still be pretty.”

I stare at my hands. He laughs awkwardly.

“Sean, why do you do this to me?” My voice catches. He tears me to pieces when he says something sweet like that, then turns around with some mocking remark. It makes me think of That Day he tried to kiss me and couldn't go through with it.

“Ally.” His hand clenches once, then reaches for mine hesitantly.

“We should get this open.” If I can distance myself, it won't hurt so bad.

“Ally, wait.”

He kisses me.

I don't pull away. I don't do anything for a second; it feels like my heart stops. Finally I can breathe. I squeeze his hand and kiss him back. It doesn't last long; it's not a movie kiss, that's for sure, but I think it might be the best thing that's ever happened to me.

And then we turn back to the vault like nothing happened.

Adler lies in the casket with his eyes closed. His skin practically glows in the dark. I think I might be sick. “Is he alive?”

“I don't know.” He pokes him the chest. “Ad—”

He lets out a heart stopping scream and grabs Sean's wrist, making the most grotesque face he can pull. I jump back with a gasp; Sean yells and kicks him. Adler groans and grabs his side. “Dude!

I lean over the grave. “Shh! We're going to get caught!”

We sneak back to my house, which is dangerously close to Adler's. Two men sit smoking on his porch. Sean squints in the darkness. “Is that them?”

“They're at my house?”

“Go. Go. Don't let them see you.” He pushes Adler in the garage.

I run in front of them. “How are we going to drive away without them seeing us?” I feel the impact of smacking into someone exactly my size.

“Faye?”

We have to hide Adler. I can't turn around, that would look too suspicious. I have to have faith that Sean can handle it. I grip the handle of my Jeep's door. “Hi. Um, why are you at my house?”

She looks around me and smiles. “Hey, Adler. You two got a little drastic on me.”

I whirl and look at Adler. He looks like he swallowed an egg whole. “What do you mean?”

“Have I ever told you what my major is?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” I take a step back. My back hits Sean's chest. He squeezes my arm, obviously not in on the joke.

“Adler? What's going on?”

He shrugs. “You guys are crazy, but you passed the test.”

Faye speaks again. “I'm getting my degree in Social Psychology.”

There's an uncomfortable silence between the four of us. “You planned this? Adler, you knew about this?”

I'm glad Sean's still coherent, because I cannot speak.

“I didn't know it would be like this.”

Sean pulls me into the car. He slams the door. We sit only inches from them, but this is our own world. He leans his head against the seat and closes his eyes. “Did that actually just happen? Did we really go through all of that for a social experiment?”

I just laugh.