Frozen Dahlia

A cold wind scraped my chin as I was walking down the street, blue and green neon lights so bright. I’ve never noticed before how so many cafés and diners had put out their tantalizing signs to allure clueless customers that are walking around, searching for something to distract them from their loneliness and boredom.

I hate to admit that I am one of those pathetic losers, but lately I have been lonely. I was once in love with the most caring and loving guy, but the only thing left of this relationship are memories of our sweet time together. It was ecstasy to spend time with him. I was feeling elevated every time he was around me. His presence alone sufficed for me to not feel my cheeks anymore. I was drunk on love for months. And then he ghosted me.

I didn’t understand it at the time. I thought that he loved me. But one day, just out of nowhere, he was done. Just like that, he’d had enough. It had never made any sense to me. I don’t even remember the next few days after Aeron broke it off via this stupid and disgraceful way. I have never treated a person like that, not even a friend or an acquaintance that might have been bothering me and would have totally deserved it to be blocked, let alone a love partner. So, now, I am wandering around just like the rest of them, miserable and pitiful.

Usually, I go to this park where pigeons have claimed their territory. It scares me to approach them, but I like one bench there, that is not very comfortable but I appreciate the nuance. I feed them, that is if they permit to be fed and then I think for a few hours about our time together. Aeron hated pigeons. If you’re asking what kind of person hates brilliant bitsy birdies which have served us for many many centuries as lawful little messengers, then you haven’t read anything above.

The cold is undeniable, I feel my toesies freeze, my heart skip a beat, not because i feel excited, but because I feel half dead. So many thoughts wriggle and twitch in my head that you can see my eye jerk, yet so empty inside.

“I swear to you, it was a box!”

“No, it wasn’t! It was just some dirt or a dead fish!” screamed some child running past me with his pal. Two pigeons flapped their wings and looked indignantly at the boys, but the others didn’t notice any disruption.

“Why did you have to tell ‘er though? Your mom will never let us go near that lake until it thaws.”

“NO. We’ll have to wait til spring…”

“Idiot.”

And they were gone, out of my sight. I spent the rest of the evening at the park trying to play with pigeons but they wouldn’t let me. And I went home. Of course, home is a strong word. It’s just a room that I rent from a guy who I saw once yell at an owner of a lounge that was just about to put out a bright cyan neon sign. I felt him. I think he was lonely too. And the lights always shone directly into your heart, lighting up for the whole world to see how poor and bare it is. I didn’t judge him and he gave me a place to stay for a few days.

Have I mentioned that this town was the last place where Aeron and I spent a weekend-away together? It was wonderful, of course. I still remember his arms around me, him standing behind and embracing me. I felt so safe, so seen, so whole. But now it’s gone. It’s been a few months already since I last saw him, but it just doesn’t get any better. I feel the hurt, I feel the cutting pain, I hear voices in my head that call me fucking stupid and then nothing. I am so dull. I wear boredom as a perfume. It spreads around me and people are getting infected. But why should I care, I am tired anyway.

The next day there is no Sun. I wake up to no sunshine. There is nothing but grey sky. I put on clothes and go somewhere. The important thing is that I go and don’t sit around at one place too long because then I get crazy.

“Fine, Felix. I bet you 50 dollars that there’s jewelry inside.” said a male voice in a café nearby.

“What a ridiculous notion! It’s not a treasure that you find in an adventure book. It’s just stuff frozen! But I’m okay with your bet. It is your money.”

“I am not losing it though, so i don’t get your tone.”

“Yes, you are. And yes, you do.”

This particular café didn’t have any neon signs boring into my face, so I decided to stay and take a cup of coffee.

“ Excuse me, I have heard you guys talk about some kind of treasure a few minutes ago? I really don’t mean to bother, but what are you talking about?” I said hoping for entertainment.

“Hah, that’s not a treasure, it’s-”

“Yes, it is, miss, you are right, you have heard us correctly.”

“Come on, man, don’t make up-”

“I’m not. Don’t listen to him…” he looked appraisingly at me.

“Dahlia.” I let him know.

“Dahlia. Beautiful name. As I was saying, a few kids have found something under the ice at the Grimer Lake while they were ice skating or whatever. Some of us went to check it out, it’s a bit hard to determine and tell for sure what is underneath this thick layer of ice, but I think-”

“Yeah, Cramer, we got what you think, everyone got it. Dahlia, it’s probably nothing, but it has picked our community’s interest and tomorrow some of us-”

“Some of us is an understatement! 86 people will go to the lake tomorrow at dawn to exude the mystery object.”

I looked at them and for the first time in months I felt a crooking of my lip. Or was it a curling? No way. Was I.. smiling?

I thanked them for sharing that with me, drank the rest of my coffee and went back to my place. I was looking for my box of tools. Of course, it wasn’t really mine, it belonged to Aeron. But who knows where he is now and this is the least that I get to keep out of this relationship. I do think that I deserve more than just a box of freaking hammers and screwdrivers but a win is a win. I collected everything that i could carry with me and went on my way to the Grimer Lake. I didn’t want ruthless villagers to find the treasure, no - I wanted to be the one who finds the chest and finally leaves with fortune. The wind was still whistling but I didn’t mmind the cold as much anymore. As I was leaving my building I had almost slipped and fell, because the roads were almost completely glazed with ice. People around me looked so blue, shivering and trembling but I was not cold. I had a purpose. Plus, suddenly, so many memories of Aeron flushed back into my mind, where he would play his guitar for me, singing a crooked but sweet version of “21 guns” by Green Day. His arms so long and strong, his hands warm and big. One time a string burst out of the mentioned guitar and it got his eye along with his ring finger. There wasn’t much b b blood but it left a very distinct ss scarr.

I I was walking past the café street and the neon lights were glowing with warm yellow undertone. So unusual for owners and managers to change their settings.

I got to the ppark and saw no ppigeons anywhere. Who needs them anyway?

About 50 minutes later I got to the spot. It was glorious. Just like in fairy tales. The full moon was shining over the glazed lake. There were no lanterns, but the white snow reflected moonlight and I saw everything clearly. I determinedly approached the center of the Grimer Lake where the big round silver sphere was looking back at me, and started digging. I used hammer, I used saw and knives and my hands hurt so much but I was getting closer to the treasure chest. I had a feeling that I might know what’s inside. I had a feeling I would find my answers to everything. As I broke some of the ice I noticed that some of it started cracking all around me. And suddenly - I fell. It was so dark, yet so warm, I saw the white light and swam back up to the surface. I felt my body shiver uncontrollably but thought it was messing with me. Itt tt was after all ss such a warm nn night!

I tucked my soaked hair behind my ears and tried to wipe some of the blood off of my hands because I didn’t want the heavenly box to be touched by something impure. And thennn, I tt touched it! I grabbed the chest out of the reddish blue water and put it in ffrontt of me. It really was a box. Not a dead fish as a kid had thought. I opened it and saw white warm light coming out of it. There it was. I finally found you. And I will never lose you again. I took the severed arm out of the box and kissed his little ring finger.