That damn noise

  There I was, lying in bed. There was this incessant noise. Kinda loud, and I couldn't figure out what it was, or where it was coming from. Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep. Continuous. The noise was not even thinking about stopping, not that noises can think. I am beginning to find it really irritating, and it is starting to bother me. I didn't know it at the time, I did figure it out later, but I was in that sleepy dream area where you can think, but are really half awake. Or half asleep, depending on your point of view. I have found this state can last over an hour. And ruins a good nap.

      I still wondered what the beep noise was, and where it was coming from, and started running through all the possibilities. I thought for a few seconds, and decided it wasn't a car alarm. We live a mile from any neighbors, we wouldn't hear their alarms, if they have any, because they are too far away. I know our cars don't have alarms, they are too old, and not fancy enough for the bells and whistles, or alarms, that some cars have. Moving on, we never had a house alarm installed, we decided long ago we didn’t need one, partly because of the distance between neighbors, partly because we have never felt like we needed one. Plus, my sister has one, and she tells me about once, every seven or eight months or so, one of the sensors fails, and has to be replaced. Her husband keeps a supply of them, and replaces them as soon as they fail. Not in the middle of the night, though.

      The wife relies on me to lock up at night, and make sure windows are down and locked. I wondered if it was the house smoke alarm, but decided against that, for although my wife is a good cook, who makes lots of filling and tasty food. After a few times of the kitchen alarm going off, she insisted I take the batteries out of the kitchen alarm. Don't ask me how. Luckily, the other ones in the house are too far away from the kitchen to go off, and none of the alarms are connected to the police department. We do not have a fireplace, we had one in another house we lived in, it was very messy, and more work than it was worth, so we simplified. 

     Anyway, I couldn't get a hand out from under the covers to check on her, maybe see if she is burning something, oops, I mean cooking anything, so I tried a foot, gently, and, YES! My wife was still next to me, so it wasn't the usual smoke alarm from her cooking. 

       Then I thought of our kids. They are older now, ranging from 12- to 16 years old, three of them, two boys, one girl. When they were younger, they all had toys that would beep if left idle for a time, luckily they have grown out of those toys, and batteries have died, not to be replaced. However, they have different games now, much more advanced, that, when left on, on the television, will eventually make some sort of noise that basically is telling whoever hears it that “Hey! I’m still here. Are you done with me?

     Next of the half asleep list was watches. There are several very advanced timepieces in our house that do everything but cook or drive, although one of the watches has GPS, and will tell you how to get there, at least if you leave the voice option on. Another watch plays music, more than I want to hear. My daughter can actually plug an earpiece into it, so no one suffers through her music. She has been caught at school with the earpiece installed in the ear, covered by her long hair. She lost some school privileges for that little act, so she is much more careful about doing that. I don't have any of those fancy things. Good old Timex or Casio for me. My kids call me old fashioned, I tell them life is simpler when machines don't rule your life, and aren't telling you what to do and when, where you have to be, etc. Once, I made them watch that Sarah Conner movie, Terminator, and pointed out that's what could happen if we let the computers take over. They just laughed, said “Good one, Dad. It’ll never happen”

     I continued to have a hard time moving. I did not understand why, it felt like I was tied up, but good. I could roll right or left, but my arms seemed to be stuck inside whatever had me tied up. I remembered sliding a foot over to see if the wife was there, but was unable to get my arms free.

     I still didn't know it, but it turned out I was tangled up in the covers. Usually when that happens, I get a not so friendly acknowledgement from the wife, in the form of a kick, or outright theft of what I have apparently already stolen. Still not knowing where I was, and was starting to panic. I calmed myself down, and tried to figure out what was going on.

 When my wife kicked me, under the covers, and said “That's your damn alarm”, and you have stolen the covers, again. Unroll yourself, get your ass up, and turn off your alarm. I was grateful the kick was buffered by the covers. I woke up some more, finally understanding what it was, MY alarm clock. Shook the covers off, which took a bit of doing, since I was rolled up in them. As soon as I put the covers back on the bed, My wife grabbed them, and said “Covers thief. I’m looking into separate beds. Maybe separate rooms”.

I got out of bed, groggy, found the offending alarm, and turned it off. Then I turned off the second alarm I keep, before it went off, too. I hate being late, so I have two alarms. I fought the feeling of tossing it out the window for being irritating. After all, it was just doing its job.