“Drill Press” (The Big Accident of ‘26)

“Hello Reader. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Nathan Narrator Jr., the thirtieth Nathan Narrator in my family. I will be narrating Drill Press for you today. Allow me to begin.”

“It was a calm day in the Narrator’s office”

(Where me aka Naomi, Natasha,)

Hello!!

(Louis, Neville, Nancy, Neil, Norman, Nellie, Nora, Naveen, and of course, Nathan, work.)

“Thank you, Naomi, for telling our Reader that fine information. As I was saying, we are at the Narrator’s office, where Boss brought in a new drill press. It’s a beautiful yet very dangerous tool, so everyone was careful.”

(Except Natasha. We’ll see how this goes.)

[Hello Narrators.]

|/\~%<>(Hey Boss!)><%~\/|

[As you can see, I have brought in a–]

Big metal LOLLIPOP!

[No, Natasha, this is not a lollipop. This machine is a drill press. It is very useful yet very dangerous, so you need to be careful]

|Umm, why are you bringing a dangerous tool into the office?|

[Fabulous question, Neville. In fact, I do not know. Today felt like the perfect day to see how insane some of you may be.]

%But sir, none of us are in– oh wait, is this a test for Natasha?%

[I’d prefer not to tell. Anyway, I’m going to go to the movies. Time to watch all eight Narrator Potter movies all at once. See you later! *leaves*]

I’M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(No, Nat, you’re not free.)

<I can’t believe Boss left to watch Narrator Potter without me! Bye guys, I’m going to sneak into the movies without a ticket. Maybe I’ll steal some popcorn too! Wish me luck! Hope I don’t get arrested! *leaves*<

{Et puis il y en avait dix.}

>What did he just say?>

(Hold up, I’m checking Narratranslate. He said ‘And then there was ten’)

I want to eat the big metal lollipop!

/Please, Nat. Don’t– AAH!!/

(What happened?)

/Look at her han– *faints*/

~Oh my god, she’s BLEEDING!!~

“Aah, yes. Look at the terror in their eyes. Natasha is perfectly calm however. It appears as if she doesn’t know what happened.”

(Nathan, stop narrating and HELP!)

“And as always, Naomi interrupts me– HEY! GIVE ME BACK MY MICROPHONE!!”

(Well, we don’t need a narrator anymore. HEY! NAT! Drill a hole in Nathan’s mike!)

YAY! DESTRUCTION!!

\Is no one concerned that her HAND HAS A HOLE DRILLED THROUGH IT?!\

|I am. Let me call Nurse Nina. *leaves*|

\HEY! Wait for me! *leaves*\

{Je pense que nous devrions commencer à faire quelque chose de productif. Comme réparer la main de Natasha.}

~Listen, bud, no one understands what you’re saying. But what I’m guessing is that you said that we should do something productive, like fixing Nat’s hand.~

{Oui, c'est exactement ce que j'ai dit!}

~Still don’t understand. All righty, Nathan, get some gauze and band-aids. Umm, Naveen, get some water. We need to wake Nancy up. She has the degree in medicine, maybe she can help. Umm, Nellie, get a ECG machine. If Boss had this lying around, he might have that. Neville, quit narrating in your head and HELP US!! Naomi, keep Nat awake. Come on! Chop chop! Let’s go!~

Chop chop? I WANT PORK CHOPS!!

(Do I have to, Norman?)

~YES YOU DO!!~

*everyone does their jobs. Neville and Neil return*

|No luck. Nurse Nina is sick at home.|

\With the flu. Where is everyone?\

(Looking for stuff that Norman sent them to do.)

|Wow. The staff is now the boss. Go Normie!|

%I’m back! *pulls ECG machine* This is really heavy.%

>I have the water. Let’s give Nancy a nice, cold, shower. *Pours water onto Nancy*>

/Aaah! Why’d you get me all wet?/

~We need to fix Nat. Do you know how to use an ECG machine?~

/No. But I can try. *works with ECG machine*/

Big… metal… lollipop… *faints*

/She’s lost too much blood! CPR! *begins CPR*

[We’re back!! Nora was arrested. We won’t see much of her for a while. Let’s start using the drill… press. *looks at the damage* What happened here?!]

(Natasha happened.)

[Okay, ummm, I guess Natasha is fired… and needs a blood donation. Who has type insane blood here?!]

(I mean, the only person in the world with type insane blood is probably Nat. Check her medical files!)

\I'm hacking in... Oh dang.\

|What?|

\She has Rh type blood.\

/That's why it's golden! Oh no, oh no. OH NO!!/

|Now what?|

/There are only 50 known cases of having this blood. Worldwide. As in 1 in 6 MILLION PEOPLE HAVE IT./

%I don't know 6 million people.%

>How do we save her life?>

~I don't know. I DON'T KNOW!!~

(I think we need to start planning a funeral.)

*Three Weeks Later*

[Hello everyone. We are all gathered here today to witness the burial of Natasha Narrator. Does anyone have anything to say about Natasha?]

(I do. Natasha, I'm sorry I said I hated you when you wrote Opposite Day. It was a wonderful story and I loved it so much. I can't believe you're gone. Best friends?

Best Friends!

(Natasha! I thought you died!)

Wow, betrayal.

(And I see that you are sane again.)

Yeah. I think I ate a pill. Oh well!

(Great to see you too.)

Naomi, let's go get ice cream!

(And lollipops?)

No, I think lollipops hate me now.

(Okay. Let's go.)

THE END (of the Beginning.)

(Hi Reader!)

"|/\~%<>Hi Reader!><%~\/|"

(Hopefully you liked this story. We worked very hard for this.)

I mean, some of us had to lose blood for this.

|And sweat.|

/And tears./

(And we hope you had fun, you know, reading this.)

%We had a big production making this perfect.%

{For you!}

(Yeah, Louis doesn't just know French. He just did that for the humor.)

{I mean, I bet my grandpa would be very proud.}

[Narrators, get back to work. I need 1000 stories told by 5 o' clock!]

(Okay. See you Reader! By the way, I'm narrating the Naturals at 3:34 pm tomorrow. Read it!)

"|/\~%<>Bye Reader!><%~\/|"

(Have a nice life!)

>And don't injure yourself with a...>

"|/\~%<>Drill Press!><%~\/|"

"|/\~%<>(Byeeeeeeeeee!)><%~\/|"