Excavating Us

It had been odd trying to reconnect with Carson after all these years. But, she had to admit, it was nice having him around again. No one had ever made her feel that comfortable, made her laugh so hard she snorted, or feel so relaxed just being her nerdy, messy self. But then again, if everything in college really had been so perfect, why had it been so easy for them to slowly drift apart after they graduated? They had dated the whole time they were in school which had been quite a long time since they had both gotten their PhDs. But then he had gotten that crazy scientist job that she could never remember how to pronounce. He moved to Los Angeles and she had moved to Egypt when she was hired onto an excavation site.

Yes, they had gotten what they wanted, but they had never anticipated that a long distance relationship would be that hard. A few countries between them and four years later, they had hardly spoken. However, ever since his mom had gotten cancer - the woman who Caroline saw to be a mother as well - they had started to reconnect. She had started taking more trips to visit his mother and so had he. Those nights of trying to cook the simplest meal and then failing miserably easily became times of laughter. Though she visited to do anything she could to help his mother heal, so much of the time it ended in small parts of her heart slowly beginning to mend.

So now here he was. At her dig site. Trying to become involved in her life again. They weren’t necessarily dating again, but she couldn’t deny it felt like a breath of fresh air having her best friend back. Even though years had passed, of course sometimes it felt like that, but other times it felt like they were still microwaving ramen noodles in her dorm. So much of her wanted it to stay like that, but she knew it couldn’t last. Right? If it had been so easy for him to lose communication with her, how could he still feel the same way?

She was snapped out of her thoughts as one of the graduate students that was working under her came over. “Dr. Delmont,” she said, “the weather station just reported that there is a wind storm coming in really soon!”

Frustrated, Caroline threw the small chisel she had in her hand on the ground. Getting up, she was covered in sandy dirt as she always seemed to be. Out on a site, nothing was worse than an unexpected wind storm. Frantically, as if they were all chickens with their heads cut off, they threw tarps over the excavation units. She and some of the other archaeologists had been here for years and this site had become their baby. To have at least a few months worth of a sandy wind setback would be devastating.

Meanwhile, Carson had never really been one to react well in emergency situations. He always wanted to help, but he was a little bit lost. However, he knew how important this place was to Caroline, so he did his best to mimic what the other people were doing. Picking up dusty, heavy tarps as the sky grew darker, he flung them over the units. Sand snuck around his circular glasses, penetrating his eyes. He knew he should have tried to fit those goggles Caroline had suggested over his glasses. Picking up little tools and throwing them into crates, he hoped he was being helpful. Maybe if he could help save a part of her dig site, she would forget about some of the ways he had hurt her in the past. Which really was what he had been doing lately; trying to lay back his friends with all of the money he was making from his new job after he realized he had forgotten about everyone.

With the wind blowing even more heavily now, everyone tried to hear a man’s voice over the megaphone saying, “Get inside! The storm is here! Get inside!”

Looking around for Caroline, Carson found her trudging through the sand storm over to where he was. Her dark hair now looked blonde as the sand had temporarily lightened it. Though she had worn protective goggles, some sand had still managed to seep its way in. The handkerchief scarf she always wore around her neck had been pulled up over her mouth and nose, hopefully protecting her lungs from the raging sand storm. She said something, but through the scarf and the wind, it was lost like an earring fallen into the ocean. Grabbing his arm, she led him back to her trailer.

Once they were inside, she quickly closed the door, happy that only a little bit of sand had gotten in. Tripping on something, Carson fell back into a seat. Wind beat against the thin walls of the trailer. To him, he was convinced he could feel it swaying back and forth. However, as frantic as he may have felt, Caroline was her normal, laid back self. Though sometimes that was something that got on his nerves, the fact that no matter what was going on she would shrug it off saying it would all work out. But at the moment, he found it to be reassuring.

“Phew!” She said, bending over to shake the sand out of her hair. A mini dust storm of its own formed from what came from her head. “That was a wild one! I hate when they come so unexpectedly like that. If we would have heard about it a few minutes later, who knows what kind of damage it could have done to the site! Nothing is more frustrating than the weather out here. Usually, it's not too bad but these winds can get wild!”

But when she looked over at Carson, she found he was not paying attention to what she was saying. He was holding a small, flimsy object in his hands that he seemed to be quite immersed in. She didn’t have to think twice about what it was when she saw the look of sadness creep onto his face. And was that guilt she saw hiding behind his dusty glass and vault-like, brown eyes? Wondering if she should say anything, she knew there was no point trying to make it sound like she had just left it out by accident. Of course, there was a hint of embarrassment as she watched him look at the old photograph.

“I feel like that was just yesterday,” she said, regarding the photo of their graduation. “I remember when your mom took that. She told you to take your glasses off for the picture. I told her I wanted to get my photo taken with nerdy Carson, not some weird guy I didn’t know.”

Carson tried to smile, but the idea that it had been the last time they had seen each other before recently, dulled what was once a happy memory.

“And she wanted you to cut your hair before graduation, remember?” Caroline laughed. “She hated your ‘Einstein hair’. I thought it was kinda funny.” She knew now she was rambling out of awkwardness.

That comment opened the door guarding his laughter for a moment, letting only a tiny chuckle slip through before the door was slammed shut again. The question that was tugging on his thoughts, begging to be asked fell off his tongue without asking permission from his brain.

“Why do you still have this out? You didn’t throw it away when I didn’t talk to you for a couple years?” He asked as the sandy gusts of wind came crashing against the unstable trailer like a rolling sea. Just for safe keeping, he reminded himself there was no place like home.

“I, uh,” she started, not really sure what to say, “I don’t know. I guess I just liked remembering those days. They were the best years of my life. And not for the reasons other people say college is the best years of your life. I don’t even think we ever went to a party.”

Her positive demeanor had always been contagious and he could feel himself coming down with happiness. “No,” he corrected her, “we went to that one party freshman year and asked where the study lounge was. Yeah, they never invited us back after that.” He laughed.

“Yeah. But, what was fun were those long nights when you would come to my dorm and we would stay up all night studying, living off ramen noodles, and generic Dr. Pepper.” She reminisced.

She had to admit, so much of her wished she could call on a fairy godmother and ask to be transported back to those years. It felt strange talking about them with him now when there was always the thought of those empty, silent years hiding behind the curtain. It was as if every time she remembered a good memory with Carson or even looked at him, all she could see was the gap that had formed between them. But when she thought about it, it was only her stubbornness that was keeping her away from him now. She could tell that he wanted to make things better, and it was nice being with him. But could she really do that? Could she really re-open her heart to the person she had cared the most for and then gotten broken by? But, honestly, at this point she didn’t really have anything to lose. She had spent the last five years of her life alone. But right now, having her best friend back sounded quite appealing.

“Those were the good days.” Carson’s quiet voice broke the silence. Well, if you could even call it silence with the wind pounding on the door as if it were an angry pizza delivery man.

“And I’m sorry. That I didn’t keep in touch, that is.” He said, barely looking up from the photograph he still held in his hands like it was the last time he had been happy. “I never wanted to hurt you. I just got busy and the time zones were so different and I guess everything just kinda piled up. I knew I let it slip away. I’m sorry. I wish I could change it.”

As she stood there, covered in sand, she could feel a part of her heart mending. His words sewed it back together and she let it.

“Guess you never did make that time machine, huh?” She said, smiling. It was her way of saying she forgave him and he knew that.

“No, but I will try to make up for it now. You got any ramen?” He asked, setting the photo back on the table where it had been, symbolizing that he could let the riff between them go. It was time to start again.

“Always.” She said, digging through the small, cramped cupboards. “Here.”

“Perfect, I’ll cook some for us the way I used to. How about that?” He asked, which was his way of promising her he wouldn’t let her go this time.

With a genuine smile she hadn’t produced in a long time, she nodded saying, “I’d love that.”

So while the wind continued to roar outside, it didn’t bother them as they started new memories that wouldn’t be stained by years of silence.