My Eternal Beloved

She walked through the door at work one afternoon. She had lots of luscious hair, a beaming smile, and she jingled as she walked. How could I not notice! She glanced my direction, our eyes met. I was hooked. I wasn’t sure how I hadn’t noticed her sooner or how our paths had not crossed before, that did not matter. All I knew was I wanted to know her. I came to love how she jingled when she walked as she always wore an anklet with tiny bells on it. Naturally, I called her Jingles.

Jingles worked one department on the evening shift. I worked the evening shift in another department while doubling as manager after the owner went home. Regardless of working in different departments, we came in contact regularly. Over time she seemed as interested in me as I her, although I did not notice this at first. I could tell she was quite young so I maintained the proper level of professional and personal interaction with Jingles. The end of her shift varied depending on the time work was completed. My shift ran much later. This proved helpful for the two of us to get to know each other.

When she finished her work and checked out, she would pop her head in my office. In fact, it became a regular occurrence. By that time of the night I was usually sitting at my desk doing paperwork. On occasion when my paperwork was done I would be sitting there watching TV, on hand should the phone ring or some need arose that require me in my manager role. She would sit with me to keep me company. We would chat about a variety of topics. We soon discovered we had a considerable number of things in common, music being a significant one. I enjoyed our little chats immensely. Over time we came to talk about spending time together. This was due primarily to having so much in common and our similar schedules. Of course the problem was her age. She was still in high school. I had already been divorced with two daughters, 5 and 7.

Of course her age was an issue. While I wanted nothing more than to spend time with Jingles, I did not want to do anything inappropriate, or illegal. It turned out I knew her mother although I had not seen her in many years. Her mother had worked for the business years before in the same department Jingles did. I told Jingles if we were going to spend any time together outside of work, we had to sit and have a conversation with her parents. I was surprised when Jingles came to my office one night to ask me when I wanted to have that chat with her parents. She said she had told her parents that she wanted to “hang” with me but I wouldn’t unless we all talked. I didn’t hesitate although I was a bit apprehensive, after all I was going to speak with parents about spending time with their underage daughter!

The conversation went surprisingly well! Jingles’ parents seem to appreciate my efforts to be proper giving the cirumstances. It didn’t take long and Jingles and I spend as much time together as we could. I loved that she accepted me, for me. I always felt an outcast, even within my big family. I also felt completely misunderstood throughout my life. Jingles had this way of easing my soul, of making me feel that I was someone special simply by being herself. As for her, she was amazing. She was as confused by the way the world worked as I. We saw so much in this world as contrary, illogical, and just plain wrong. I came to know she felt as much of a misunderstood outcast as I. We just didn’t fit neatly in with the way this world worked or how the world looked at the people in it. Our bond became immense, beyond the love we came to share.

As our bond grew, so did her parents’ concern. I don’t blame them, it was their job to protect their daughter. Long story short, it came to a head one night. Jingles had another bad argument with them. She had called me in tears begging me to come get her. I was home with my daughters. It was winter and a particularly frigid night with the wind howling to subzero windchill. I had the girls winter coats in the washing machine so taking them out was a problem. Jingles wouldn’t stay put. She said she was leaving to walk to me, nearly 10 miles away! I knew she would. I put a few layer so fclothers on the girls as quickly as possible, wrapped them in a couple of blankets and head for Jingles. I found her walking about a mile from her house. She was so upset she hadn’t even put on a coat!

I got all of us back to my house. The first thing I did was get Jingles buried in several layers of blankets. I then put my daughters to bed, it was time for that anyway. Jingles and I talked. She was about to head to college. Her parents were demanding she cut ties with me and forget me. They were hanging college over her head as they were paying for it in full. I told her I would work three jobs to put her through school if necessary. Then I got a call from my roommate. Her mother had called his work to ask him where we lived. She said Jingles had left something at home and wanted to drop it off. Given the horrible weather, he had a bad feeling about it, hence the call to warn me. It was not long before there was a knock on the door. Jingles went upstairs to sit in a spare bedroom while I dealt with her parents. Now mind you, jingles was “of age” by this time.

As soon as I opened the door her father lunged at me. I held him at arms length, l telling him to calm down so we could talk. He wanted nothing to do with talking. By the time was all said and done, I had beat the hell out of him in self-defense, he was arrested, and Jingles was going home with her mother. I knew in my heart this was for the best. You see, my life was actually headed for disaster. I was heavy into drugs and had been much of my life although I was still able to maintain my job and keep my appearances so no one really knew. I knew I wold likely not keep this up forever as my life and addiction edded and flowed depending on the level of my discontent. With Jingles, I was at may best but addiction is insidious. One never knows where it will lead. It never leads anywhere good. So I let her go.

I chose to quietly walk away. I love jingles so much, the thought of dragging her down with me horrified me. She was a special flower in the darkness of the world. She needed to flourish. As far as I know, she has. That was 30 years ago. Since then none of my other relationships worked out despite being fortunate to be involved with a few different women each of whom were wonderful. I also had a few relationships that were just bad choices on my part. These relationships never worked because Jingles still holds my heart. She always will. So I gave up on being with anyone, accepting for a life of loneliness. Jingles is the only woman I want, or ever will want.

I often her a jingling, looking about for her. She is never there. I believe I will always hear her anklet jingling, echoes of the happiest days of my life. I often dream of Jingles. The all end the same way with me saying, “I do."