The Holiday Party

Mara couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment she fell out of love with her husband, Dan. Maybe it was watching him brush his teeth with his eyes squeezed tight, or the 13,849 time she picked up his dirty socks sitting just outside the edge of the hamper. Or maybe it didn’t happen in one moment, but in a thousand tiny ones; each minor infraction becoming a new tick on the wall of her marriage, a wall that felt more like a prison cell.

She could leave. Maybe. But he was a good man. Her mom always said you don’t divorce someone unless they are hurting you or other people; unhappy isn’t good enough. What if her unhappiness was hurting her, slowly killing her day by day as she lived a life she never dreamed of living.

Dancing at their wedding under the twinkling lights, surrounded by friends that have long faded into their past, she had dreamed of the adventures and the romance, of things always being this way. “You’re so lucky,” her friends told her. “I would give anything to have a man look at me like that,” someone else said. She knew their looks would fade with age, but she always thought that meant wrinkles and gray hairs, not the easy smiles and twinkling eyes.

Her discontent was kept at bay with day dreams of Garret in accounting. She didn’t know the moment when she began to fall in love with him. Maybe it was when their hands touched as he handed her papers she had left on the copier. The brief meeting of skin felt more intimate than anything she had experienced with Dan in months. Or maybe it was the grin he flashed her across the office when he caught her staring his way, a playfulness dancing across his lips.

Mara changed her perfume to something light and floral. She wondered what kind of perfume Garret liked on a woman, what his lips would feel like against hers. She wondered if he would notice the way she had spent extra time on her hair in the morning. If Dan did, he didn’t say.

There was so little he did say these days. Their conversations felt perfunctory, administrative, and happened mostly via their phones.

Can you get more milk on your way home?

Yes.

Have you checked the mailbox today?

No.

She remembers walking in the park, both broke college students, discussing anything and everything under the stars. Back then it seemed like there wasn’t enough time to get out all the things they wanted to say. And then, at some point in the last ten years they had said it all. There was nothing new to learn, no stones left unturned. Everything had been sorted and sifted a hundred times over. The story about him taking the wrong bus while traveling in Canada and hitchhiking back no longer felt spontaneous and fun, it felt impulsive and reckless. Mara ground her teeth every time he told it. His one tale he whipped out for parties and new acquaintances. He soaked up the shock and delight of his listeners as he wove through the perils and trials of his quest. “Your husband is so fun,” someone would tell her. She would grin and nod.

The company holiday party was coming up, the time of year where it was okay to drink too much and let your hair down. In the sea of hundreds of employees, it was easy to be invisible, your indiscretions unnoticed. She just had to find a way to make sure Dan stayed home this year.

Mara broached the subject as they met in the kitchen, both there to scavenge something for dinner before retreating back to their own spaces in the house.

“I was thinking about the company holiday party,” said Mara.

Dan didn’t look up, his face buried in the far reaches of the fridge, “It’s coming up, isn’t it?”

“On Saturday. But I was thinking that you don’t have to come along,” Mara’s pulse quickened. She wasn’t telling a lie, but she knew in her gut that she wasn’t being truthful either. “You don’t know anyone, and it’s always so boring. I’ll just get a room at the hotel and come back in the morning.”

“Are you sure?” said Dan, finally emerging with a tupperware container in hand. “I don’t mind going.”

“No, no, you stay home and relax. Or why don’t you call up one of your friends and go get a drink?” Mara hoped that she wasn’t pushing too hard. She didn’t want to seem desperate.

Shrugging his shoulders Dan said, “Okay.” That was the last thing they said to each other that night.

On Saturday afternoon, Mara packed her overnight bag and left to check-in at the hotel. The company party was always held in the ballroom on the first floor with an open bar. It wasn’t unusual for employees to stay the night rather than finding a ride home after a night of drinking. This year she had taken special care to pick out an outfit that would be sure to catch Garret’s attention. Her standard work attire consisted of a rotation of black slacks, modest blouses, and loafers. She had donated all of her going out attire years ago. There isn’t much need for short skirts or plunging tops when you spend most of your Friday nights on the couch.

For the party she had chosen a dark red velvet dress with a plunging neckline and ruching around the waist to conceal the small amount of weight she had hanging on to her midsection. She paired the dress with black heels purchased before her and Dan were even married. After showering and drying her hair into a perfect blowout, she applied her make up in a way that said she was trying, but not too hard.

When she met up with some of her coworkers downstairs for the cocktail hour, she was excited to see that heads were turning.

“Mara! Wow!” her officemate Julia said, “You look amazing.”

Mara blushed and tried to brush off the compliment. “I just stumbled on this dress and thought it would be fun.” She had spent hours of company time searching online until she found it.

She grabbed a cocktail, a coke with vodka, a trick she used in college to appear to be drinking whiskey. Guys always liked a girl who drank whiskey and laughed at their dirty jokes. Dan had ordered a vodka cranberry the first time they went out; he didn’t like the taste of whiskey.

Mara made her way around the room, taking delicate sips of her drink through the small stirring straw. She didn’t want to smudge her lipstick, not yet. There across the room she spotted him, Garret. She maneuvered casually toward him, stopping to chat with anyone nearby in his line of sight. She looked his way and caught his eye. Garret smiled, ended the conversation he was having, and made his way to her.

“You look stunning tonight,” he said.

Mara blushed and looked at her feet, her heart racing. “You don’t look too bad yourself,” she replied. He was dressed in a navy suit cut in a slim-fitting style, it showed off his broad shoulders.

He smiled at her, and then saw someone over her shoulder, and his expression changed. What she had thought was a sparkling smile for her was nothing compared to the way his face lit up, his eyes wrinkling at the corners. Mara turned to see who he was looking at.

An attractive black man in a dark green suit was walking straight toward them. She was confused why this man elicited such a reaction from Garret, until he stopped at Garret’s side and planted a loving kiss on his lips.

“I’d like you to meet my husband, Jeremy,” said Garret, putting his arm around the handsome man. “Jeremy, this is Mara. She works in sales?”

“Marketing,” said Mara. “It’s very nice to meet you, Jeremy. Would you excuse me for a moment?”

She didn’t wait for their response before turning away, hot tears burning her eyes. Downing her drink she headed for the bathroom, feeling like an absolute fool. All of the glances and signals she had thought Garret was sending her were just him being polite. Or maybe he did find her attractive, but he was clearly happily married.

Her fantasies shattered, and the reality of what she had planned washed over her like a wave, leaving behind guilt and shame. She had never imagined herself as the kind of person that would cheat on her husband. Yet she had come so close, only thwarted by the absence of a willing partner.

She didn't hate Dan. He had done nothing to hurt her, but nothing to sustain their love either. The thought of him finding out if she had cheated on him made her feel nauseous. She returned to her room and hurriedly packed her bag. After sending a quick text to Julia telling her that she didn't feel well, she checked out at the front desk.

“You want to check out?” said the clerk, perplexed.

“I have somewhere more important to be right now,” was all Mara said.

She drove home to find the house empty. Turning on a single lamp in the living room, she sat to wait for Dan to return. He arrived fifteen minutes later, smelling like Thai food. There were leftovers in his hands.

“You’re home,” Dan said, surprised.

“We need to talk,” Mara said. And for the first time in years, Dan and Mara talked, really talked. They both found there were new stories to uncover after all.